We are one and done - why all the questions constantly?

[Butterflyclock]

We have decided we are one and done…I had a good pregnancy, but I had a c-section and I ended up with PND afterwards.
I’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD and identify as a member of the Neurodiverse community.

I am able to have another child, but I don’t want to.

However people can’t seem to accept that, even strangers!
I’ve had people say “don’t you worry about him being lonely?” and “He’ll have to look after you on his own when you’re old”.
and all sorts of other things including comments about why he’s struggles to share and one mum even said to her child at soft play “you’ve got to remember he’s not used to sharing as he’s an only child”.

I really don’t understand this viewpoint at all. It’s becoming very annoying.

They are probably worried you might have a bit too much freedom with one, so you should have two in order to trap yourself fully like any decent woman would.😂

Ha ha so true.

Nobody asked me if I was having a third. they could see I had no freedom/time/money/joy!

You dont need to understand it. Tell them its your life and you'll do as you see fit.

Or just tell them to fuck off🤣

How does that work? How does the mum at soft play know his an only child? I have 4 and sometimes I’m only with one of them? I’ve never had comments about “only child?” How would anyone know the others are not at school etc? Does seem odd strangers are commenting on them being an only child? How do they know unless you tell them? Anyway people judge either way I’ve had “are they all yours?” “Do they all have the same dad?” Said with a raised eyebrow (Not sure why that’s relevant) “don’t you have a tv?” So you get comments either way.

Tell them that's your decision.

Don't give explanations - you don't need to explain yourself.

Any questions just say mmm and change the topic. I wouldn't be giving any wind to the conversation.

If someone will not take the hint just say "well, I dont really feel the need to justify it". That should shut them up.

Really people need to shut up about peoples life decision. Whether you have 0 kids or 15 is no one else's business.

His = he is!

@PumpkinsandKittens oh sorry, she knew because I was talking to her, also her child goes to my son’s school.

I’ve had people say “don’t you worry about him being lonely?”
When I had one I'd have my house filled with other people's children, including sleep overs.
and
“He’ll have to look after you on his own when you’re old”.
Very few people do these days, but tell them that by then euthanasia will probably be legal and you aren't planning on lingering.
With the amount of people who now move away from their home town and older people who are healthy the old points don't stand anymore. Just shut them down.

or say ''oh!, no, I want to enjoy my life''.

Sounds a bit dramatic, and I love my dc2 but I made life hard for myself having the second child. I have fantasised about that parallel universe where I only had the one. I think she'd be more secure because she'd have got more support from me when she was younger.

Don't listen to them if one is enough for you that's your choice my sister only had one child he's grown up now but she said one was enough to deal with and no more while her friends at the time had 3-4-5 kids I think they wher a bit jealous in the end as her son was moving out her friends still had kids at home and used to ask her to babysit she always said no I want to enjoy my peace .

Just ignore them. There are so many people these days that simply cannot afford more than 1 child. People really shouldn’t be passing comment.

Say "I can't" desperately, and then burst into tears. That'll work for everyone except close friends, but you won't need to worry about close friends asking anyway.

I used to get this a lot 😡my pregnancy was fine but a long labour ending in emergency c-section was traumatic. I adore my son but the first year was hard as he wasn't an easy baby. It got infinitely easier after that but we just didn't want anymore.

He's 8 now and people have stopped asking.

If people ask, just repeat 'we are happy as we are' broken record style. You don't need to explain yourself and they shouldn't be so rude as to keep asking.

Why would I need to when what I have is already perfection? (Little ruffle of DCS hair)

I went with: "good god, no! Next addition will have four paws."

I did have one relentless person who had to be told, 'get your nose out of my uterus'. FFS.

There are a handful of reasons we have stopped at one. Me realising I'm a bit crap at it and selfish being one of them, which I wouldn't tell anyone (face to face, on here doesn't count!).

Honestly, I shut it down quick so they know they've been nosey and rude, and won't ask me again.

Fab single children unite! 😎

People say random shit about anything. I've got twins. The amount of times I've been asked if they were 'natural', or you mush have your hands full. Were they ivf, did you have a c section by random strangers...

If you had three they'd comment, if you had two they comment.

Just don't give it headspace.

I just cannot believe people think it's ok to make any kind of comment on this!

Tell them you have personal many reasons why you have made that choice and you do not have to explain them all to them.

I have one, not by choice, but noone has ever really badgered me about it. But to be fair I think for those first years it was because I was saying we did want more one day! Maybe just say that?!

fwiw I am now very content and at peace with my 'just' one and have realised it just wasn't meant to be for us and all the benefits of just having one.

It's all true though. But obviously you have reasons that outweigh those points. Plus it's none of their concern.

I have two boys. People don't stfu about trying for a girl.

Before I had any kids and had been with DH for a while, people kept badgering us about having kids. Particularly DMIL who had DH at 18 and struggled. She'd constantly ask "why are you waiting so long to give me a grandchild" and I so wanted to reply "because I d?on't want to be like you". She also would say soon after DS1 was born, we need to give her a grand daughter next. I wanted to reply maybe she should have had more kids herself (DH is an only) and she'd have better odds of getting a granddaughter.

The cheek of some (otherwise reasonable people) is quite out there when it comes to women and their reproduction.

I think no matter how many you have (unless it's the seemingly perfect two - a boy and a girl🙄). People will always have something to say.

How old is your child? Mine is nearly one and I've been pleasantly surprised by the lack of questions about if I'll have more. Absolutely no one has asked.

Do the questions start coming later?

This. Also they are jealous. And have grown up being repeatedly told that it’s “normal” to want more than one and don’t have the intelligence to challenge received wisdom.

Tell then it’s none of their business.

@Thepeopleversuswork Jealous of what?

I voted YABU because you said you "identify as..." You can't identify as a condition you never chose to have. It's genetic and you are stuck with it.

@Nellle He’s 3.5.

I don’t get why there’s so much stigma around it.
I know someone with 4 DC, only lives in a 2 bed local housing authority house, on benefits, visits a food bank etc.
I would never dream of questioning her motivation for having so many!

@Louise0701

Jealous of the relative freedom of only having one child as opposed to more. Multiple children are massively more limiting to your life than one and more expensive.

Also possibly of the freedom of mind that you don’t have an obligation to become a brood mare just because you can reproduce.