Should the Deputy Head have been allowed to do this?

[SandwhichGenerationGal]

DD has four year old twins. They attend nursery school 09.00-3.15.
Twin 1 was sent home early with a temperature. DD kept her off the next day and she developed diarrhoea. I was visiting but needed to leave at 2pm to go to work (I am a nurse). Suggested she call school and ask to collect twin 2 at 2pm so I could stay at home with twin 1 and new baby (I don’t drive and school half hour walk). DD rang school (gave reasons for wanting to collect early) and was told deputy head would need to give permission and would call back. She didn’t call so DD phoned again and was told she was in a meeting. DD then drove to the school and asked to collect twin 2. Was informed deputy head had refused permission. Suggested their dad could collect her at the normal time or she could go to after school club, (has never been before and doesn’t even know what it is). DD said neither option was acceptable. DSIL is a doctor and can’t just leave at a moments notice (of course he would if it was emergency) and twin 2 was unprepared for attending after school club for the first time). Deputy head refused point blank and DD had to come home. I ended up staying and was late for work.
When did schools become so obsessed with their attendance stats that they take priority over the child’s health and well being?
They are four FFS and not even legally required to be in school.
Was the deputy head within her rights to refuse this or is she just a power mad controlling jobsworth? DD didn’t even get into the school, it was all done over the intercom. I am livid.

@ FairyCakeWings - I take your point. She is not in reception though. She is in nursery

What @JudgeRindersMinder said

There's nobody in any school that'll tell me I can't have my child. Wouldn't entertain it. My child would be coming home and the DHT would have their arse handed to them for good measure

Wow…if that had been me there then there would have been a scene 🙈

or I would have been really awkward and just said ‘oh I forgot to mention she threw up this morning - isn’t it against rules for her to be in school for 48 hours - thought so…I’ll have her now please.’

Also…why on Earth have 12% of the voters said YABU…that’s a joke and they are BU not you lol

I voted YANBU because deputy head was v v unreasonable in the circumstances.

However, in their (possible) defense it sounds like your grandchildren are claiming 30 funded hours? (To be in school nursery for 6 hours per day as opposed to 3 hours per day). Is that correct or do they get 15 hours and parents pay 15 hours? (This would be unusual for a school, doubt they can do this). The possible reason the Dep Head may have come down harshly is that it's very difficult to get the 30 funded hours and some others may have to miss out on that if your DD got it. If it's fairly frequent that parents are taking their kids out of nursery (we get it all the time, going to the beach, visiting Nan etc.) then those 30 funded hours are being wasted when someone else may have made use of them but could only get 15. I'm sure your DD hasn't been doing this but maybe they're coming down on it if other people are messing around. That's all I can think of.

It's a school not a prison. The deputy head was bonkers to refuse to hand over the child to her mother - and doubly bonkers as they are only in nursery not compulsory education. I would be writing to the head to complain and including the fact that you were late for work as a nurse as a result of this stupidity.

Oh sorry, I thought you meant reception! If it’s still proper nursery, I agree the DH was being ridiculous.

Totally unreasonable and I'd put a complaint in writing

It may be that the school has had a lot of parents wanting to take their children out of school for spurious reasons a.k.a. shopping, family visits, long weekends. This inconveniences the staff who have to sign out the child and keep an eye on it until it is collected, whilst also keeping to enhanced covid practices.

The headteacher has probably had to issue a blanket ban on taking children out of class at awkward times unless there is a medical appointment or emergency.

Unfortunately this made things difficult for childcare in this one instance for the OP and her DD. It cannot be helped.

I was all ready to say you were being unreasonable until you said the child doesn't even legally have to be at school!

I've never heard anything like this. It's bloody outrageous.

The DT is being ridiculous.
I have twins and usually collected both of them if I had to collect one because I wouldn't want to drag the sick dc back out again.
Not one of their schools ever said anything. Now they are teens and could be left by themselves.

I cannot believe you left with out your child I’m pretty sure what he did was illegal.

With siblings of different ages, it wouldn't be allowed either because there is no reason to

I once had to pick DD1 (8) up early as she was ill (2pm ish). I asked to pick DD2 (6) up at the same time as by the time I’d walked home with DD1 it would be time to walk back again (with ill DD1) to fetch DD2. They said was absolutely fine.

Yes, they very clearly can. To give an obvious example, if the school decides to discipline a child, they are free to do so. The parents have absolutely no say in whether or how their child is disciplined. The parents cannot use their PR (which is Parental Responsibility, NOT Parental Rights) to prevent their child being disciplined.

Wouldn't you have any worries about safeguarding a 4 year old who will have no one to collect them or on the other hand a sick child with a fever being taken out to collect them?

How about the safeguarding of the patients the nurse had to let down.

A bit of commonsense is a very valuable thing.

I would have told them, not asked them, and if they point blank refused to hand over my child I would call the police. Who the fuck do they think they are? I'm an early years teacher, btw.

I had to pick my 10yo up early when he was unwell. School suggested I also take my 8yo to save coming back later! I assumed this was normal.

i wouldn’t have asked permission I would have removed her early - hope they don’t have to go to reception there

I would have threatened to call the police at the gate and carried out the threat if they continued to refuse.

WTF our nursery would never do anything like that how ridiculous.

So to summarise
4 year old ill at home with diarrhoea
4 year olds twin in nursery
New baby at home with mummy
Grandma had to start a shift in the NHS at x time (for the sake of patients) but could mind new baby and sick twin whilst mummy dashed to collect 4 year old.
Mummy had asked permission on phone but school failed to phone back.
Mummy went to school and school refused to hand over child.
Mummy returned home
Grandma stayed until home time and was late for work

In my opinion that merits a letter to the chair of governors and a formal letter of apology.

And teachers wonder why other humans have less respect for them than they should.

Since child is only 4 I think collection early is absolutely right in this situation, would be different if they were 10 and had been at the school for years so staying for after-school club shouldn't be too alarming but for a 4 year old staying unexpectedly for tea club could be quite unsettling. Glad our school is understanding, I picked up early in order to get the cheaper train to visit ill family, school were fine with it.