To think my DH should be able to cook while I have bad pregnancy sickness

[UsernameA1B2]

I'm 15 weeks pregnant with dc 2. I still have bad sickness that's all day. I can't stand alot of food smells, especially cooking smells and it can make me instantly need to run to bathroom to be sick. My diet is terrible. I weigh less now than before I was pregnant with dc 1. At the last scan the baby was smaller than expected so I'm really worried about my diet and if I'm getting enough vitamins/ minerals/ protein etc. I'm also exhausted (no doubt the bad diet isn't helping) and a sahm to dc1 who is 4 (not yet at school) and autistic and a handful. Before my pregnancy sickness I did all the from scratch cooking (fresh meat and vegetables) and cleaning. My husband can't cook anything other than frozen ready meals and the house is a tip at the moment. The living room gets covered with toys and books and gets worse until I tidy it up. AIBU to think it's not that hard to cook and make something like a bolognese and my husband should be cooking some non ready meal foods while I am pregnant and can't stomach alot of cooking smells and I'm exhausted. He is 36 years old and can't cook (other than heating ready meal food in oven), clean (over than something like hoover but he can't clean bathroom, kitchen, windows etc. I had to scrub bathrub at 8 and a half months pregnant. Once I asked him to clean sink and he wiped it down with toilet paper), do DIY (I have to ask my dad for help especially if it requires 2 people) or drive. He has dyspraxia. Yes I'm a sahm but surely at his age he should be able to do these things for occasions when I am unable due to bad pregnancy sickness or illness. Last year I was bed ridden for a week with the worse stomach bug I have ever had. I couldn't keep anything down for 2 days (was dehydrated) and barely ate for a week. I slept and woke up every few hours to use bathroom for a week. My DH and son lived on ready meals and pizza for a week. No fresh vegetables at all. The house was a complete tip as well.

[Ted27]

@RampantIvy

no it isn’t if you are married to someone with a disabilty.

If you were married to someone who was a wheelchair user you wouldnt be expecting them suddenly gain the ability to walk just because you need help.

If you marry someone with a disability then I’m sorry you have to accept there are things they cannot do, thats the same whether its a physical disability, a mental health condition or a neurodiversity.

@KettrickenSmiled

some people with dyspraxia will be able to ‘adult’ Some won’t. Just as some people with ASD will be able to live independently, whilst others will be non verbal and not capable of functioning independently
The clue is in the word Diverse.

This thread is depressing - why do you think people get diagnosed with conditions if they have absolutely no impact on their lives.

[Choopi]

@Ted27

@RampantIvy

no it isn’t if you are married to someone with a disabilty.

If you were married to someone who was a wheelchair user you wouldnt be expecting them suddenly gain the ability to walk just because you need help.

If you marry someone with a disability then I’m sorry you have to accept there are things they cannot do, thats the same whether its a physical disability, a mental health condition or a neurodiversity.

@KettrickenSmiled

some people with dyspraxia will be able to ‘adult’ Some won’t. Just as some people with ASD will be able to live independently, whilst others will be non verbal and not capable of functioning independently
The clue is in the word Diverse.

This thread is depressing - why do you think people get diagnosed with conditions if they have absolutely no impact on their lives.

Agree with this post so much. The OPs dh cant just will his dyspraxia away because some people can manage just fine or turn it off for a few months because his wife is ill. Do you think if he was managing fine he would have sought a diagnosis in the first place?

Men with disabilities get such a hard time on mumsnet, there is a total lack of understanding of how these things can present and that yes they might manage fine at work and still struggle at home. It took dh until he was in his late 30s to find work he managed with and he can still have issues, it is proof of nothing.

[KettrickenSmiled]

@Ted27

@RampantIvy

no it isn’t if you are married to someone with a disabilty.

If you were married to someone who was a wheelchair user you wouldnt be expecting them suddenly gain the ability to walk just because you need help.

If you marry someone with a disability then I’m sorry you have to accept there are things they cannot do, thats the same whether its a physical disability, a mental health condition or a neurodiversity.

@KettrickenSmiled

some people with dyspraxia will be able to ‘adult’ Some won’t. Just as some people with ASD will be able to live independently, whilst others will be non verbal and not capable of functioning independently
The clue is in the word Diverse.

This thread is depressing - why do you think people get diagnosed with conditions if they have absolutely no impact on their lives.

Come off it - the man holds down a full time job.
He can also work out how to locate a freezer meal, open it, put it in the microwave & not set fire to the house or lose the kids while he's doing it. He's perfectly capable of learning how to cook simple nutritious meals - perhaps initially from a kit.

[Iflyaway]

Can you afford a cleaner?

More work for OP to do, to organise it, find one, explain the rota etc.

More to the point, why is her useless adult man unable to do normal everyday household stuff.

[FlowerArranger]

@UsernameA1B2 - great Username btw!! - posted at 1.30am over 24 hours ago and hasn't been back to respond to the 100+ responses she's had.

I'm calling shit stirrers' alert. Or are you still here?

[Marvellousmadness]

This is one of those threads that make me facepalm. You knew your dh. Knew exactly what he was like. Yet you then thought: lets have another baby.
Err...

[mycatisannoying]

It genuinely wouldn't have occurred to me not to clean or cook because I had bad morning sickness.

[Franca123]

Well you've obviously never had bad morning sickness then. This thread is the worst.

[BaaMoon]

@mycatisannoying

It genuinely wouldn't have occurred to me not to clean or cook because I had bad morning sickness.

Good for you. Not everyone is the same. Not all morning sickness is the same.

[Matchingcollarandcuffs]

@mycatisannoying

It genuinely wouldn't have occurred to me not to clean or cook because I had bad morning sickness.

It genuinely wouldn't have occurred to me to cook/clean when I couldn't even turn my head or sip water without vomiting

[HairyBum]

bad Morning sickness for me was two months hardly able to stand up, being bed bound, only managing to use a portable loo by my bedside.

[Hobbitfeet32]

This thread would have opposite responses if it was the other way round.
’My husband is a SAHP and hasn’t been feeling well recently so hasn’t been able to do the usual household chores he normally does. I work full time and am trying to make dinner for him and our child after work but cooking is not my strength and I also have a disability. My husband is having a go at me for not making food to his standards’

Like I said earlier, I think he could be making more effort however don’t forget that it is tiring working full time and also having to take on the bulk of the household load as well. We hear women tell us this all the time on Mumsnet.

[LeeMucklowesCurtains]

@mycatisannoying

It genuinely wouldn't have occurred to me not to clean or cook because I had bad morning sickness.

Some women get far worse than “morning sickness”.

I was off my feet for 8 months. I was still being sick when I was on the table being prepped for my section. Obviously, I had fasted so I was puking bile.

I had all the anti sickness drugs prescribed by my consultant, nothing worked and the 3 stone weight loss made me very weak.

I was still told by family and friends it was “just a bit of morning sickness, why can’t you do anything”.

Some women are extremely ill during pregnancy and there is nothing they can do about it.

[stuntbubbles]

@mycatisannoying

It genuinely wouldn't have occurred to me not to clean or cook because I had bad morning sickness.

Congratulations on not being severely debilitated by pregnancy! Here is your medal:

[RampantIvy]

@mycatisannoying

It genuinely wouldn't have occurred to me not to clean or cook because I had bad morning sickness.

That has to be the most spectacularly unhelpful and unsupportive post on this thread

[madasawethen]

@mycatisannoying

It genuinely wouldn't have occurred to me not to clean or cook because I had bad morning sickness.

I cooked, cleaned, held down a full time job, made 12 costumes for the school play, ran a half marathon all while being pregnant with triplets, bad morning sickness and 2 broken legs. Slackers.

[stuntbubbles]

@madasawethen A half marathon barely counts but we all have lazy days

[user1471447863]

@BordoisAgain

As he is still presumably working full time I don't think it unreasonable that he isn't cooking and cleaning to your levels on top if that.

He will need to start stepping up but I dont think it fair to call him lazy and useless.

Single parents have to do it all, often with no help at all - full time job, cooking, cleaning, looking after child is all on them - OP will be able to do something help him, even if it is just entertaining child while he goes and cooks or cleans in peace which is something many single parents don't get.

[RoostasTowel]

@KettrickenSmiled

Come off it - the man holds down a full time job.
He can also work out how to locate a freezer meal, open it, put it in the microwave & not set fire to the house or lose the kids while he's doing it. He's perfectly capable of learning how to cook simple nutritious meals - perhaps initially from a kit.

You don't know anything about ND.

[WilliowGreen]

I have dyspraxia and I also had hyperemersis when I was pregnant. I find house work really difficult but that is not seen as an acceptable excuse for a woman.

I think he needs to step up and help you because it is having an impact on you and your babies health.

I would tell him that you are struggling and say you know he finds cooking and housework hard but you need help. Buying things like frozen ready chopped onion can help if you have dyspraxia and perhaps you could get a list of very simple meals he could cook.

Could you afford a cleaner to help you for a bit?

[Cameleongirl]

Well put, @WilliowGreen . The OP is essentially ill right now with a condition that impacts her and potentially her unborn child’s health. It’s an emergency situation and in emergencies, people need to step up, regardless of their own disabilities. Healthy food and keeping the house clean are essential-doesn’t matter how get DH achieves this, it has to be done and the OP is too ill to do it.

Hiring a cleaner, using meal kits, asking family members and friends for help, etc., it doesn’t matter how he achieves this,, it just needs to happen.

[BritWifeInUSA]

Well, cooking is easy enough if you know how to. If he’s never cooked then he can’t. You had plenty of time to run through a few recipes with him in all the years you’ve known him until now if it’s so important to you.

If he doesn’t know how to cook, he doesn’t know how to. Good grief I see dozens of female posters on here who can’t drive. Others will say “oh it’s easy” but if you’ve never done it, it’s not easy. Funnily enough women who don’t drive don’t get the same level of hatred that men who can’t cook get. To me driving is a far more useful life skill than cooking.

Pizza and ready meals for a week won’t kill them.

[RampantIvy]

To me driving is a far more useful life skill than cooking.

Of course it isn't. Everyone needs to eat. Taxis, walking and public transport are viable options for non drivers.

[RewildingAmbridge]

DH can't cook, he doesn't enjoy it and has no instinct for it. He does have 4/5 simple meals he can cook (fajitas being the latest addition), he can also do scrambled eggs, beans on toast, jacket potatoes, sandwiches and anyone with hands can make a salad, or cook some peas, corn on the cob, tender stem broccoli (anything that goes in boiling water for a few minutes).
I'm ok with this for several reasons, I really like to cook and am quite good at it, DH is in charge of laundry (which I hate) and he also pulls his weight with the rest of the cleaning, childcare etc. I would not be tolerating the bone idle misogyny your husband is putting out.
However I have limited sympathy, he was clearly like this before you had one child and having let you scrub the bath at 8 months pregnant, you chose to have another baby with him.... Why?!

[Vikinga]

@BritWifeInUSA

Well, cooking is easy enough if you know how to. If he’s never cooked then he can’t. You had plenty of time to run through a few recipes with him in all the years you’ve known him until now if it’s so important to you.

If he doesn’t know how to cook, he doesn’t know how to. Good grief I see dozens of female posters on here who can’t drive. Others will say “oh it’s easy” but if you’ve never done it, it’s not easy. Funnily enough women who don’t drive don’t get the same level of hatred that men who can’t cook get. To me driving is a far more useful life skill than cooking.

Pizza and ready meals for a week won’t kill them.

Last time I looked ALL but one of my female friends drives (and the one who doesn't lives in a city and doesn't need to). I can tell you using one hand the amount of husbands who regularly cook.