To Not Give Her A Lift?

[WiddlinDiddlin]

I am being asked to give a family member a lift to hospital..or rather, my OH is being asked, via me...

Sister is needing to arrive at hospital for 7.30am (she says..), we do not have direct public transport, it would require a train or bus into the city then a bus to the hospital.

Or a taxi. Which is around £20 and is a flat rate.

Relevant details...

My OH has a small job he does weekly on that day, the other side of the city at 12. It can't be moved to another time or day it is time critical.

DS has been rude about client, which has not amused OH in the slightest and does not predispose him towards being helpful. They were warned not to be rude about this client last week.. and still persist.

To give this lift, we would both have to be up at 6am - I can't reliably get out of bed without him here, so would need to get up at the same time, some 4 hours earlier than my normal time.

Change of bedtime/wake up time = change of medication time.

He would then drive somewhere between 20/45 minutes to the hospital and then be leaving the hospital at rush hour, which can mean it takes an hour to get back.

He can't really be out of the house more than 2 hours, which at that time of day/outside our normal schedule will be particularly unreliable.

He'd return here, then he would need to go out again at 11.30 to do the job.

I have offered DS the taxi fare, in recognition of the fact they did give me a lift (a much longer lift however not outside their normal waking hours, and in my vehicle, using my fuel) recently.

So, AIBU not to give the lift that would fuck up both our day and cause us massive inconvenience and possibly worse... or are they BU for not getting a bloody taxi?

Your sister sounds rude and entitled, due to your disability and your DH's work commitments you are not able to offer her the lift she is wanting. She has 3 other options - 1) get a lift from the neighbour; 2) get a train and bus or 3) take up your kind offer to pay for her taxi.

God forbid a disabled person have dogs, eh?

I don't have a dog as it would complicate my life but it sounds like OP and her DH have a good system that works for them, bar non-critical requests from relatives.

Don't give her a lift. I have a disability too and a change of routine/sleep schedule can mess me up for days. You need to put yourself first in this instance.
Offering them taxi money is very generous.

Op is heavily disabled and disabled people are largely invisible. Our lives are incredibly hard. Unthinking people take our spaces, expect us to wait and be grateful for what is left. Many disabled people don’t live out in the world and often live largely hidden away. However we live our lives, we often don’t have the opportunities for human contact most take for granted. If we are housebound, we generally don’t have a constant stream of people visiting us, loving us and looking out for us to offer warmth and tenderness. Instead a lot of us have been dropped by friends and even family members.

In this thread, op is being told by some she should put herself out, change her medication, upset her dogs (whom she’d be unable to look after) and risk her health and dignity. This, even if it means she would have to lie in urine soaked sheets, risking rashes, perhaps bed sores. Not only that but she should want to to show gratitude to her sister. And for wanting to refuse, she is mean and sounds horrible.

Moreover she is being judged having pets. The insinuation being that only able bodied humans, who regularly get friendship, comfort and camaraderie from humans whilst being in the real world should also be the only ones to have the opportunity to get this from pets. Meaning not only would op not have any of the friendship, comfort and camaraderie from humans but neither would she get this from animals.

@WiddlinDiddlin
YADNBU

@cultkid I know this will get deleted, but seriously, fuck off with your ableism.

I'm not being ableist im saying she has no manners!!!

Calling OP 'downright awful', and 'unpleasant' and finding it 'just unpleasant the way she describes her struggles'? Asking her if she pisses in bed and gets her servant husband to clean it up? What the actual fuck?!

She said she "pisses" the bed SO vulgar

Being rude about someone doesn't have anything to do with her being disabled

I had a urine bag for 4 months and it repeatedly leaked in the bed I had the pads down and it was the most degrading experience of my life. My husband cleaned it as I was bed bound and totally sick. I was so upset and he was so good to me. Out of respect to MYSELF and him I would never say "pissed" the bed?!? Wtaf!!
Put some pads down or wear continence pads so this isn't happening. And if you can't see her repeated rude and vulgar tone then I am surprised.

I don't know how being disabled means you can be rude? It doesn't. So she's rude and as a side note she is disabled

I don't know why people are being rude about the dogs being unsettled. They're creatures of habit and the OP cannot get up to resettle them.

If they're up earlier then usual they'll be restless, needing to go out to pee/poo and the op can't let them out so will potentially be having to lie there with them barking to go out or them having to go on the floor.

Oh I did a massive bloody post and its buggering well vanished.

Anyway my servant, I mean OH, is home now having gathered goods in the shop, and I must go and beat him because he's been in the Middle of Lidl again and bought things we do not need.

Maybe some breakfast snacks for your sister to have when he drops her to hospital 🤣

Are you serious? She said if she wakes at 6am, she'll need a piss but won't be able to get up for it because getting up and out of bed is painful and slow, and may mean she pisses in bed on a bad week where she can't get up.

How the fuck is that rude or disrespectful? Women don't have to say 'pass water' to avoid offending your tender sensibilities.

My OH.. sorry, servant.. also says piss. He also asked if he needed a hazmat suit this morning before wiping my arse (he did, totally).

I am so very sorry if my irreverant and blunt language about MY personal care offends.

The servant appreciates all your sympathy and agrees I am a filthy mouthed stone cold bitch.

Insinuating that a disabled person will deliberately soil their bed and calling their carer a servant is ableist. Disability is a protected characteristic.

Op is not the person on this thread with no manners.

You use whatever language you and your OH works for you. Your body, your care needs, your choice!

And tell him next time he's in the middle of Lidl, could he get me one of those patio warmers, and an extra large dog bed, oh and a chainsaw if he's got room in the car!

Do you read Viz? Great character in there called 'Lidl Richard' always comes back with shit from the middle isle. Makes me laugh!!

I don't have sister ...... Glad now

@Kitkatcatflap You mean you don't want mine?

I'd have quite liked a patio warmer or a massive dog bed but what he got was 9billionty dremel attachments... to go with the other box of 9 billionty dremel attachments - neither I nor The Servant know what about 8.9 billionty of them actually DO.

Do you know at what stage in their lives the OP and her husband obtained their dogs?

It really amazes me what words poster on here get pissy about sometimes (pun intended)

Normally, swearing like a trouper is encouraged

It's a one off. Give her a bloody lift!

It isn't a one off, at all.

Anyway she's getting a lift from a neighbour and my OH will fetch her later as she will be able to wait for that to be convenient to us/fit in with our schedule.

I feel like I've walked into some kind of parallel universe

@Mummyoflittledragon Being disabled doesn't mean someone is always in the right or beyond reproach, though. Disabled people can be selfish just like anyone else can. It's actually demeaning in a more subtle way when we are treated as not fully responsible, like other adults are.

Also, we're not a monolith. As I posted upthread, I'm severely disabled but I think OP is BU about this situation. Not to say I think the sister is great either!