To Not Give Her A Lift?

[WiddlinDiddlin]

I am being asked to give a family member a lift to hospital..or rather, my OH is being asked, via me...

Sister is needing to arrive at hospital for 7.30am (she says..), we do not have direct public transport, it would require a train or bus into the city then a bus to the hospital.

Or a taxi. Which is around £20 and is a flat rate.

Relevant details...

My OH has a small job he does weekly on that day, the other side of the city at 12. It can't be moved to another time or day it is time critical.

DS has been rude about client, which has not amused OH in the slightest and does not predispose him towards being helpful. They were warned not to be rude about this client last week.. and still persist.

To give this lift, we would both have to be up at 6am - I can't reliably get out of bed without him here, so would need to get up at the same time, some 4 hours earlier than my normal time.

Change of bedtime/wake up time = change of medication time.

He would then drive somewhere between 20/45 minutes to the hospital and then be leaving the hospital at rush hour, which can mean it takes an hour to get back.

He can't really be out of the house more than 2 hours, which at that time of day/outside our normal schedule will be particularly unreliable.

He'd return here, then he would need to go out again at 11.30 to do the job.

I have offered DS the taxi fare, in recognition of the fact they did give me a lift (a much longer lift however not outside their normal waking hours, and in my vehicle, using my fuel) recently.

So, AIBU not to give the lift that would fuck up both our day and cause us massive inconvenience and possibly worse... or are they BU for not getting a bloody taxi?

Feel a bit sorry for the husband in all this tbh.

I think you’re being unreasonable. She has given you a lift before, your OH could be there and back before you even wake up!

ask him to sleep somewhere else if he might wake you up in The morning.

You should talk more nicely about yourself
Referring to "pissing the bed" etc is vulgar and doesn't read nicely

And yes I would still help my sister ( it's your husband helping her)

I mean you were awake at 03.52am anyway so waking up 8 minutes later then that to help your sister out is probably no biggie since you can hang out on your phone using mumsnet.

If you're routinely wetting the bed maybe look at
Some continence tools to make your life more
Comfortable and easy so there's less stress about you having an accident

Also is she disabled too? Does she need the hospital like you do?

Why is the OP responsible for paying for the TAXI if her DH doesn't give the sister a lift?

@growinggreyer ..... oh, sorry, I got so lost reading the OP that I missed that part of the post and I genuinely didn't understand why someone would suggest that she should pay for the TAXI.

Me either.

I'm really with you on this

She sounds cruel and rough

You are right, a lot of the time I don't like her very much and again, that makes me question am I being pissy because I don't like her sometimes or is she genuinely being unreasonble.

Well the offer of a lift by her neighbour seems to suggest she is being unreasonable. Not knowing this and not wanting to do it I think seems a lot more as though you are being pissy because you don't like her. But from what you've said I think YANBU to not like her. So overall, whichever way you look at it, it seems YANBU to say "No."!

It sounds like you feel beholden to her because she gives you a lift once a year or similar, and that’s why you offered her £20 for the taxi.

If possible, I would stop using her for lifts and use a taxi or dial-a-ride etc and and then when she asks you or DH for a lift, you can decide whether you want to give it without this feeling of obligation because she gives you a rare lift.

I don't think you are unreasonable for saying that you can't manage this lift. The disruption and pain it would cause is disproportionate given that she has other options. It's a bit weird to offer her the taxi fare unless she is extremely poor. I'm not surprised she was offended by the offerbut swearing at you was an overreaction to that.

None of your legitimate reasons for not being able to give her a lift in the morning will stop you from being able to give her a lift home. Unless this neighbour wants to hang out at the hospital all day, surely the best plan is that neighbour gets her there and youand DH bring her home.

So if you would usually get up at 10am can he not just get you up when he gets back? I would give sister a lift though regardless as long as it fits with his work (which it seems like it does)

I think because the sister has given OP a lift, further away, recently.

I'll be honest, there is a lot in your post that just sounds like excuse making.

There are some very genuine reasons of course i.e. your disability meaning you need your OH at home.

But then things like 'it will wake our dogs up earlier than usual' just sound like you desperately trying to look for any reason not to.

I think offering the taxi fare in recognition that she did give you a life recently which was further away was a nice thing to do and I don't think you need to do more than that. Don't go in with a list of excuses about the dogs morning routine and stuff. Just leave it at its not feasible for us sorry but because you gave me a lift the other week I'll pay X for your taxi?

This is totally confusing but at the end of the day it is one day out of your lives to help a family member. Do it.

Sounds like you really don't like your sister and just needed a place to vent about her in all honesty!

If you was awake at 3:52, then what does a few hours difference make? He could leave you in bed take her and come back and help you...

I'm a bit shocked at the replies here. Perhaps they have no insight into being trapped in bed unable to respond to restless dogs, needing the toilet etc.

Op and her husband have a structure to their day that allows her good quality of life.

The sister wants her to abandon it for the day, despite having other options herself- the neighbour, a taxi etc.
It's part of a routine of expecting OP to ferry her about, while charging OP for similar support.

I think people aren't paying attention to everything you've said, OP. They are thinking of whether they'd drive their sister to a hospital appointment, which really isn't relevant to your situation l

But you're up now?

You lost me at “might have to take a piss” Are you in the Navy?

If you're paying for the taxi could you actually book it for her too?

@BlueKaftan I have discovered a new go-to excuse.
"Can you hand me that paper, please?"
"Can't. I might have to piss."

Not sure if I’m just stupid, but I always understood a ‘lift’ to be taking someone along on a journey you are already going on.

Getting up specially to pick someone up isn’t a lift surely?

Why is it so hard for you to say no? This ‘lift’ is clearly a faff and unless there’s a major backstory £20 is cheap for a taxi

If she needs to be at the hospital for 7.30 then surely dh will be home before 10 to get you up?