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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say it’s only a game? Man City supporters wife

132 replies

BadAtMaths2 · 05/05/2022 06:53

First day of holiday likely to be ruined by v grumpy Man City supporter whose first words this morning were ‘it’s such an injustice’.

OP posts:
Momicrone · 05/05/2022 09:34

Sulking is part of a tantrum

Lunar27 · 05/05/2022 09:35

waterlego · 05/05/2022 09:11

My husband is a huge football fan (Arsenal) and gets very grumpy when they lose. I have no interest in the sport at all but I tend to allow him a bit of time to have a little rant about it while I make sad faces and issue some platitudes. ‘Such a shame’…
’so frustrating…’ etc

Same (Gooner here!). I guess he's been grumpy a lot over the past few seasons then 😂.

Football is a massive thing. Hugely tribal and highly emotional for many men. The psychology behind sports is really interesting and football seems to really get to men in a way that many other sports don't. A lot of women love football too but am wondering if there are other sports/activities that get women similarly attached? Not sure.

Football is an oddity. I think it's one of the few things you can pay a fortune on and not be entertained. In fact you can come out of a match completely livid. Yet on another day you can be as high as a kite.

Original poster
BadAtMaths2 · 05/05/2022 09:37

Yes the city of old, I hadn’t clicked that might be a trigger!

haven’t chanced the focus on the league comment yet….I’ll wait for him to say it first.

I didn’t watch the end it was too tense….went to bed with the dog who does Like football.

OP posts:
Pinkieperkie · 05/05/2022 09:37

It's very goady to say that. It's clearly not 'just a game' to them.

Momicrone · 05/05/2022 09:37

Of course it's tribal, and it's a way for the men who are unable to express emotions in the usual ways, to express their emotions. Both reasons why I dislike it.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 05/05/2022 09:39

I wouldn't say "its only a game" as that's the female equivalent of "cheer up, love, it may never happen".

One is a comment people make to people specifically about football when talking specifically about football.

One is a comment men make specially to women (never other men) when they don't smile on command or aren't walking around with what the man in question believes is an acceptable level of performative happiness on a woman's face... when he wouldn't ever say it to a man making the same expression.

So not equivalent at all, no.

Lunar27 · 05/05/2022 09:39

Sorry OP YABU. Football isn't just a game and whilst I sympathise, with both you and your husband, it's a big part of his life and means a lot to him.

Personally I'd never discount anything my wife was so emotionally attached to. It's almost irrelevant what it is but the fact it has a deep emotional attachment.

LindaEllen · 05/05/2022 09:40

Mymindisnotmyown · 05/05/2022 06:57

It’s not only a game. But still he shouldn’t let hit affect him so much that he would take his mood out on you. He’s allowed to be disappointed though.

Saying it’s an injustice is ok.

I mean.. it IS only a game. It really is. Nobody's going to die because your chosen team didn't kick the ball into the net enough times. I say this as a dedicated rugby league supporter.

I'm gutted when my team lose, but I get home from the match and life goes on.

There's no point being grumpy with the people you live with because of a game of sodding football for goodness sake.

Lunar27 · 05/05/2022 09:45

Momicrone · 05/05/2022 09:37

Of course it's tribal, and it's a way for the men who are unable to express emotions in the usual ways, to express their emotions. Both reasons why I dislike it.

BS. I'm fully capable of crying and showing a full range of emotions when Arsenal lose.

That's certainly more diverse than watching my wife blub at adverts and movies!

FrangipaniBlue · 05/05/2022 09:47

God forbid a man has emotions and feels passionate about something Hmm

gannett · 05/05/2022 09:53

Momicrone · 05/05/2022 09:33

'Belittling certain hobbies' that negatively affect others, I don't have any hobbies that I get grumpy about

It's perfectly natural for hobbies to make people grumpy on occasion. That's part and parcel of feeling passionately about something.

DP got grumpy when some of his garden herbs died.

I get grumpy when a new recipe goes disastrous. I also get grumpy on Duolingo when I make mistakes.

If football, or football fans actually having emotions about their hobby, offends you so much - don't get in a relationship with a football fan! I hate football and DP is compatible with me in also hating football.

I'd never say "it's just a game" to my mates who love football though because I get sports and why you get emotionally attached to athletes. I was a huge Venus Williams fan when I was a teenager (still love her) and yes, I was sad when she lost. Why? Well, I loved her game and watching her play, and I wanted her to win more so I could see her more. I loved seeing a black woman having the success she had in tennis. When she won I felt happy. It's not that complicated.

JustLyra · 05/05/2022 09:56

I don’t know why people are getting so snippy with the poster who asked about violence - the opening post doesn’t say much at all other than the first day of the holiday being ruined.

Its a perfectly acceptable question given the spike in violence after big matches like that, and I say that as a massive football fan (planned the date of my wedding round football and MotoGP calendars).

Its also a common question when someone posts about their other half ruining big occasions like Christmas or birthdays.

Given how many men are violent I really don’t understand the mindset of the “not all football fans” posters - if he was a normal football fan the OP wouldn’t be posting as the day wouldn’t be ruined.

thing47 · 05/05/2022 09:56

Momicrone · 05/05/2022 09:37

Of course it's tribal, and it's a way for the men who are unable to express emotions in the usual ways, to express their emotions. Both reasons why I dislike it.

So in general we all want our husbands and partners to be emotionally open, to share their feelings, to communicate more with us, but when they do that in relation to something you don't like, it doesn't count? Hmmm, interesting take.

I think if we want men (I'm generalising here) to express their emotions, we probably have to accept that they may feel emotions in a different way and about different things from us.

HazelBite · 05/05/2022 10:08

Sorry, but I get more emotional when watching my team (Tottenham) than DH does when watching his team (Arsenal).
We have been happily married for 45 years and despite our individual team alleigences we both appreciate watching the skill of the players, and the drama of it all.
I feel sorry for any MCFC fans this morning, but you have to look at how sucessful they have been as a club in the past few years and appreciate that.
Remember it could be worse he could be a Watford supporter, like my DS!

user1471538283 · 05/05/2022 10:12

Sometimes I think some men have football instead of emotions! My bf shouts and cries at the football; my DS is utterly absorbed by it! I do sometimes say "but it's just a game". It isn't to him!

AgnesNaismith · 05/05/2022 10:14

GreenWheat · 05/05/2022 09:23

Where does OP say he had a "tantrum"? He is disappointed that his team lost a major match. Are you normally unsupportive of your partner's interests and hobbies?

Show quote history

Yes @GreenWheat I’m an absolute cunt. HTH

waterlego · 05/05/2022 10:17

Same (Gooner here!). I guess he's been grumpy a lot over the past few seasons then 😂.

Absolutely!

Agree with your other points too.

To me, it really is just a game. Mostly. I confess I got quite into the Euros and the World Cup in the late 90s/early 2000s. Largely because I was spending a lot of my free time in pubs then and had just started going out with the aforementioned footie mad DH. I also went to watch the Seagulls a handful of times with my Dad when I was little and we have taken our kids to see the Seagulls play at the Amex. It’s a good family day out (I especially like the pies and the pints).

Overall, it is ‘just a game’ to me but for my DH it is something else. He has been watching and playing football most his life. He absolutely loves it (and sometimes hates it). It’s his passion and something he bonds with others over (mostly men). Overall it is a positive thing in his life and perhaps an outlet for testosterone. I don’t see it as unhealthy at all. Yes, he gets grumpy when they lose but only for a short time, and often he’ll take out his frustration by going outside to do some vigorous gardening or jet washing so a few jobs get done too. 😂

Curlybrunette · 05/05/2022 10:21

I have a very distraught 16 year old that indeed thinks it's an injustice. He is absolutely sure the ref was paid off...

LoveInSlowMotion · 05/05/2022 10:34

He’s disappointed and allowed to show it. It doesn’t matter that it’s football, it’s something that’s important to him, and it’s not for anyone else to judge what’s important to others.

anniegun · 05/05/2022 10:37

AgnesNaismith · 05/05/2022 07:07

But it is just a game though? Urgh toddler men and their football tantrums are so unattractive.

Yeah or🙄 women getting tearful because their boy band broke up , or their soap opera characters are getting married

JudgeJ · 05/05/2022 10:37

BadAtMaths2 · 05/05/2022 06:53

First day of holiday likely to be ruined by v grumpy Man City supporter whose first words this morning were ‘it’s such an injustice’.

By all means say it but be prepared for him to also be dismissive about something you find important, even if he doesn't think it is.

You could remind him how Manchester United won the Champions League in exactly the same way a few years ago! Maybe not.

QueenOfDuisburg · 05/05/2022 10:38

Another City supporter's wife here in the exact same boat as you!

I wouldn't dare utter the words 'it's just a game' but it's exactly what I'm thinking!

Redbone · 05/05/2022 10:40

City came close but really fucked it up. Tell him that I think that they will win the Premiership though and I say this as a huge Liverpool supporter!

JudgeJ · 05/05/2022 10:42

Doyoumind · 05/05/2022 07:21

You might not be interested in football but this is a sexist comment.

OP I would cut him a bit of slack as City came so close and fucked up and it's still raw. People are allowed to be diisapponted when they're passionate about something.

Show quote history

It would seem though that men are not allowed to be disappointed yet I can recall many women being very upset when various bands broke up, when Michael Jackson died, when a shop closed down etc etc.

BlackeyedSusan · 05/05/2022 10:42

make sympathetic noises.

definitely do not say it is only 22 men chasing a bag of wind... now that does not go down well.. (to be fair not said after a disappointment. )