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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a weekend off

114 replies

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 18:53

IABU in a way as this won’t happen but I’ve been actually fantasising about it.

I just want a weekend where I can eat food without DS trying to grab it or wanting to share, have a glass or two of wine and not be thinking that I will be up several times in the night and early next day. Sleep all night and lounge in bed next morning. Read. Watch films / box sets.

I have to keep reminding myself one day …

OP posts:
Topgub · 04/05/2022 21:00

Sounds like a weekend alone with his kid without you is exactly what your dh needs.

How else will he learn?

EarringsandLipstick · 04/05/2022 21:01

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 20:59

Of course I’m not being goady.

Im actually a bit upset at this, as I have said I can understand exasperation and frustration if someone says they want advice and refuse to take it but I sAy in my first line it won’t happen and I’m fantasising. At no point did I infer or say I wanted advice or suggestions or telling what to do. I was just saying I was finding life a bit hard!

Ok so 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's kind of what happens on MN tho.

You post a situation, people comment & give advice.
I'm sorry you're so low.

I still make the point it's not necessary & you could have the break you needed.

It's fine if you don't want to do it - but at least own it's a possibility.

NoSquirrels · 04/05/2022 21:03

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 20:59

Of course I’m not being goady.

Im actually a bit upset at this, as I have said I can understand exasperation and frustration if someone says they want advice and refuse to take it but I sAy in my first line it won’t happen and I’m fantasising. At no point did I infer or say I wanted advice or suggestions or telling what to do. I was just saying I was finding life a bit hard!

It is human nature to offer suggestions.

Especially on a talk forum. You’re inviting opinions by posting.

And all the suggestions are reasonable. You feel you can’t take them or they won’t help. But that doesn’t make them unreasonable suggestions, from unreasonable posters out to attack you or your husband.

Reasonably speaking, all the things in your first post are things your husband ought to be able to offer, if not this weekend, then a weekend soon. Work towards it. In the meantime, Flowers

Original poster
Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 21:04

@EarringsandLipstick we are both dealing with a lot at the moment, is there any chance at all that we could drop this, please? I don’t want an argument and I’m a bit surprised the threads taken the turn it has. But it has. So can we just draw a line, there.

OP posts:
OnceMoreWithoutFeeling · 04/05/2022 21:05

100% feel you OP. Please ignore those jumping down your throat. I also have a partner who is great in some ways, a bit useless in others. Just as I am. As I imagine most people are and most of their partners. It's only when looking at someone else's life it's as simple as "unless they are 100% perfect, they're a dead loss and a waste of space".

I too have fallen into the role of "main parent" for the kids when they are babies. It's just not his cup of tea, plus it is harder for dads if baby is breastfed (even an older baby, even if weaned, as it's not just about milk - the bf forms a real primary attachment to mum so dad inevitably gets pretty short shrift from baby when they're tired or sad and want comfort). Once child can talk and walk he comes into his own and is fantastic (whereas I have struggled a lot with eldest's growing "independence" not listening to a ruddy thing I say).

But right now youngest is 15 months, doesn't sleep well, keeps getting ill, and OH MY GOD I want a PROPER break more than words can say - but for the good of all concerned that's a ways off yet. It just is, and all the obstreperous Mumsnetters in the world telling me it isn't or it shouldn't be won't change that fact.

We will get there. And in the meantime it's ok to take off every other pressure that you put on yourself that's not essential. Be kind to yourself!

Original poster
Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 21:05

I think it’s best if I hide the thread now. Thanks for those who did understand what I was saying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 21:05

@OnceMoreWithoutFeeling i understand and thank you Flowers

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 04/05/2022 21:06

Sometimes taking small opportunities to be with other adults is enough of a boost to keep you going. Make small plans. Visiting friends. Going for a walk etc. And progress on to long periods of time.

I know this has been said yes as a single. Lone parent I'm living my best life. With one income and the responsibility of everything for 2 kids with extra needs. I'm living my best life right 🙄 ffs

EarringsandLipstick · 04/05/2022 21:06

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 21:04

@EarringsandLipstick we are both dealing with a lot at the moment, is there any chance at all that we could drop this, please? I don’t want an argument and I’m a bit surprised the threads taken the turn it has. But it has. So can we just draw a line, there.

I mean sure! But you seem to really not get how a forum works - I'm replying to your posts to me!

I can't really comment on another drip feed that you are both dealing with a lot.

I'd simply say both is the key word - so why are you the only responsible parent, still? And why can't your H offer you some support in terms of rest, a break, a morning to yourself?

He can

CandyLeBonBon · 04/05/2022 21:08

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 18:57

I’m not a single parent but I don’t think it would be fair to leave DH with him. He is 16 months.

Why on earth not?

EarringsandLipstick · 04/05/2022 21:09

unicornsarereal72 · 04/05/2022 21:06

Sometimes taking small opportunities to be with other adults is enough of a boost to keep you going. Make small plans. Visiting friends. Going for a walk etc. And progress on to long periods of time.

I know this has been said yes as a single. Lone parent I'm living my best life. With one income and the responsibility of everything for 2 kids with extra needs. I'm living my best life right 🙄 ffs

Good suggestions.

Re the 'single parent' comment (I am one too!), that poster clarified she meant she was envious of single parents where the other parent took the DC for periods of time eg holidays. She is also a single parent!

JustATomCat · 04/05/2022 21:09

Big hugs. The first few years are the hardest. I remember feeling the same as you do right now. When my eldest was 16mths, I also had a 3 month old. It was extremely hard but I got through and so can you. It does get easier. Hang on in there @Springsnow22

RealBecca · 04/05/2022 21:09

Can you think of a way to get some short breaks? FH could take son for a half hour walk while you watch an episode, no chores. Or tap in and out every half hour. He could read books in that time. Or you could prep lunch he could sot at table and feed him. Alternatively, I strongly suggest you take a few days of annual leave. Feeling like this is for me usually means I am on the cusp of finding my child irritating and she doesnt deserve that. If it's the same for you then find a way for some rest x

DashboardConfessional · 04/05/2022 23:15

Actually yes, I do this. I work PT and have DS the other days so sometimes I book a day off work and go shopping.

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