Page 4 | To want a weekend off

Original poster

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 20:28

@EarringsandLipstick i am really sorry if I am giving a false impression but I am happy in my marriage and being drawn into bitching about DH on here (when it really isn’t why I posted) makes me feel horrible. It doesn’t help. I know that’s not the intention but I’m just being honest. There are things I haven’t gone into here, DH is doing his bit.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 04/05/2022 20:37

At the very least make sure you don't have a second child with your DH.

Original poster

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 20:40

Ragwort, please will you stop it?

My DH is more than doing his bit, but two full time working parents with no support at all from elsewhere is never going to be easy. Is DH a perfect parent who never fucks up? No. Am I? Also no. But if someone said to him to make sure he didn’t have a second child with me because of mistakes I have made I would be devastated.

OP posts:

PumpkinsandKittens · 04/05/2022 20:40

It’s probably because the op doesn’t want to be told to LTB like it’s often thrown around on here! People throw around LTB on here way too often, the op has said he is not a bad man she doesn’t need to be told she must leave him immediately

LuckySantangelo35 · 04/05/2022 20:43

@Springsnow22

well op you don’t want to hear what any one has to say when they are making suggestions as to how things COULD actually be different and better for you.

Your husbands incompetence is serving him well in terms of keeping you as the primary care giver unable to even have a few hours time off for yourself.

But you don’t wanna hear it do you. So you crack on. People here are just trying to help you.

Original poster

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 20:46

But @LuckySantangelo35 I wasn’t looking for suggestions. That’s as clear as it can be from line one of the thread. Sometimes situations are just hard and stay hard until they gradually get easier.

If I had asked for advice as to how to have a weekend off I can see it might possibly be frustrating - although tbh if you’re going to get annoyed because a stranger doesn’t take your advice then I can’t pretend I don’t find that a bit odd - but I hadn’t!

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 04/05/2022 20:47

Oh OP it is easy to spot you from your other threads that you have had.

I think you are using this as a space to rant - but actually you have had advice on to how to make this better but you seem not to want to take it.

Original poster

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 20:49

What other threads?

I am not trying to be wide eyed or anything like that, I genuinely have no idea who or what you mean.

OP posts:

EarringsandLipstick · 04/05/2022 20:49

My DH is more than doing his bit, but two full time working parents with no support at all from elsewhere is never going to be easy.**

I think you are being goady now.

Two working parents with one 16 mo don't need other support (nice to have of course, but not hardship)

Your H is not doing a good job & not supporting you. He's also somehow creating the impression he's a good partner & father. But you are struggling, overwhelmed & in need of a break, and he can't facilitate that.

Ragwort is being harsh, but not inaccurate.

EarringsandLipstick · 04/05/2022 20:49

PumpkinsandKittens · 04/05/2022 20:40

It’s probably because the op doesn’t want to be told to LTB like it’s often thrown around on here! People throw around LTB on here way too often, the op has said he is not a bad man she doesn’t need to be told she must leave him immediately

Who said LTB?

EarringsandLipstick · 04/05/2022 20:50

Sometimes situations are just hard and stay hard until they gradually get easier.

Your situation doesn't need to be hard though.

Original poster

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 20:53

@EarringsandLipstick I can’t work out if you are quoting someone or speaking yourself on the new site (sorry) it’s hard to read but whoever said it I’m absolutely not being goady.

It’s entirely possible that whoever thinks I’m being goady is right and that it’s possible to work full time, have a young child and not struggle at all but the fact is at the moment for a variety of reasons I am, and I don’t have anyone to talk to in RL about it.

I am worried this will be misconstrued as PA and it really isn’t the intention but I obviously did make an error of judgement in posting here. I do think a couple of posters are gearing for an argument, I don’t think that you are one of them, but I do think you’re making assumptions that aren’t completely fair.

If you don’t mind I will draw a line there. It doesn’t help me or anybody to endlessly slag off a man who has done a hell of a lot for me.

OP posts:

EarringsandLipstick · 04/05/2022 20:53

OP, this was your first post:

I just want a weekend where I can eat food without DS trying to grab it or wanting to share, have a glass or two of wine and not be thinking that I will be up several times in the night and early next day. Sleep all night and lounge in bed next morning. Read. Watch films / box sets.

There's nothing here about not wanting suggestions.

People took what you wrote at face value, and encouraged you that you could have either this, or something similar.

You've pushed back against everyone, and despite telling us yourself that your H could not cope with your baby overnight, is not capable of feeding him breakfast & can't manage a morning nap, are now insisting, that really, he's great.

I give up!

Original poster

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 20:54

Now you are being totally unfair @EarringsandLipstick . You’ve deliberately omitted the very first line of my post.

OP posts:

Original poster

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 20:54

And yes, please give up

OP posts:

PumpkinsandKittens · 04/05/2022 20:55

EarringsandLipstick · 04/05/2022 20:49

Who said LTB?

Show quote history

It’s usually said on these types of threads so don’t act like it isnt, hence why the op said she doesn’t want to turn this into a thread bashing her DH

billy1966 · 04/05/2022 20:56

Your low level depression is, if not caused by, surely is exacerbated by your exhaustion and lack of a break.

When I had 4 young children I could have left my children to my husband for a weekend but I wouldn't have dreamt of it after a busy week at work.

I understand you don't feel he can cope for a weekend away but try going for a walk or even up for a nap in the quietest bedroom for a bit of a break.

Could he take the baby out for a good long walk and give you the house in peace for a bit.

I'm sorry things are so hard at the moment.

Not getting decent sleep is a real killer.

NoSquirrels · 04/05/2022 20:56

Sometimes situations are just hard and stay hard until they gradually get easier.

True-ish.

Sometimes, of course, situations get worse not better if you don’t do the things that are tough but necessary.

It might not be the right time right this moment to take necessary action to get your DH a bit better at the whole getting it right more often than not, but hopefully that time will come when you can insist.

With small kids, the delight and the pain is that things are endlessly changeable. That can work both for and against you! But to get equal parenting sorted - which you must, if you are both FT workers too - then you have to endure some short-term pain for long-term gain.

As I say, that might not be right now. But posters are just saying what they see - in your posts, and with the experience of seeing mothers years down the line feeling exploited and ground down. Try not to take it personally.

EarringsandLipstick · 04/05/2022 20:56

Hi @Springsnow22

I bolded all my quotes but I'm on app so maybe they aren't transferring to browser versions, sorry.

It was me wondering if you were being goady as you're so flatly refusing to take anything on board.

Can I ask why you'd put up with this? When you have options?

I'm genuinely sorry you are struggling. But you don't need to be, that's my point!

I do think you’re making assumptions that aren’t completely fair.

But I haven't - I've only replied to the information you've provided yourself.

Sorry it hasn't been helpful. I wish you luck. 💐

EarringsandLipstick · 04/05/2022 20:58

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 20:54

Now you are being totally unfair @EarringsandLipstick . You’ve deliberately omitted the very first line of my post.

Ok so - this was your first line

IABU in a way as this won’t happen but I’ve been actually fantasising about it.
It doesn't change anything I said. You don't need to fantasise. If you had a supportive partner, you could have the break you needed 🤷🏻‍♀️

confusedlots · 04/05/2022 20:59

@Springsnow22 I really get it, and 16 months is a tough age, especially if you've had 16 months of poor sleep. Mine are a little older but sometimes I would just love DH and kids to disappear somewhere for a few days so I could enjoy time in my own space like I used to years ago. A weekend away on my own in a nice hotel just wouldn't be the same, it's just that feeling of relaxing in your own space that I really miss sometimes.

AliceW89 · 04/05/2022 20:59

I hear you OP. It’s okay to want a break. I regularly day dream about DH and I going off for a 10 mile hike on my favourite stretch of coast but good luck doing that with a 2 year old The Jaffa cake for breakfast thing is a bit bad, but it sounds like you genuinely think your DH is a good man and father. If you are happy that life is generally split 50:50 and he’s pulling his weight then that’s all that matters. It will get easier. Toddlers are tough! X

Original poster

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 20:59

Of course I’m not being goady.

Im actually a bit upset at this, as I have said I can understand exasperation and frustration if someone says they want advice and refuse to take it but I sAy in my first line it won’t happen and I’m fantasising. At no point did I infer or say I wanted advice or suggestions or telling what to do. I was just saying I was finding life a bit hard!

OP posts:

EarringsandLipstick · 04/05/2022 20:59

It’s usually said on these types of threads so don’t act like it isnt, hence why the op said she doesn’t want to turn this into a thread bashing her DH

But it hasn't been

What has been said is her H is taking the piss & directly contributing to her depression & stress.

It's not 'bashing' him to say that. It's the facts of the matter, based on OP's own words.

Original poster

Springsnow22 · 04/05/2022 20:59

@confusedlots and @AliceW89 thank you. I do really appreciate your kindness and understanding!

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