To want a weekend off

[Springsnow22]

IABU in a way as this won’t happen but I’ve been actually fantasising about it.

I just want a weekend where I can eat food without DS trying to grab it or wanting to share, have a glass or two of wine and not be thinking that I will be up several times in the night and early next day. Sleep all night and lounge in bed next morning. Read. Watch films / box sets.

I have to keep reminding myself one day …

@PumpkinsandKittens

Your comment made it sound as though you envy "single parents" as they get weekends and half the holidays off. Not that you are actually a single parent who wishes they had weekends and half the holidays off.

Never having been a single parent versus being a single parent who wishes the dad did more is completely different.

Can your DH take your son to his parents for the weekend?

Does your son have any additional needs which makes this particularly hard??

I know he wouldn’t cope with DS alone for a weekend.

That's nuts. And worrying you believe this

If you had to mind DS all weekend, could you? Of course you could. So could your DH.

And while weekends away are not going i happen often, you can absolutely - and easily - have a night off / lie-in / morning reading books / lunch with pals.

I rarely say this, as it's not a competition. But I didn't her this, being a single parent with 3 young DC and an ex determined to make my life a misery - no time away on holidays for me!

I hear ya, OP.

Also have circumstances in which due to complicated reasons am unable to leave toddler.

Cant be arsed going into them either but let’s just say it’s very oppressive.

It’s more a sense of feeling so overwhelmed and never getting to relax or proper downtime.

But you can do something about this. Of course you can!

I didn’t say I envy single parents? I said I envy single parents whose exes are involved and have the kids, not just that I envy single parents, when I assumed the op was doing it solo based on the op.

A weekend might be a bit much then- how about from say 6pm on Friday to 6pm on Saturday as a one off? Don’t have to get a hotel or spend lots of money just do what you enjoy, catch up with friends, lie in. Recharge!

OK, so you can’t have exactly what you crave - but you’re right, one day you can, do hang in there! (Caveat: you will need to work towards it together with DH as a team, otherwise he’ll never develop the coping skills as the things he’ll need to learn to cope with are always changing and you don’t want to be default parent, so work towards being needed less.)

In the meantime, what might help you feel less overwhelmed if a whole weekend is off the table? Ask for that, instead.

Yanbu. Ds is 21 months old and I've been feeling a bit exhausted recently. DH took ds out for the entire day on Saturday (we usually spend weekends together doing something), and I literally sat on the sofa all day reading, writing my book, watching TV and playing the PlayStation. I ordered pizza, ate chocolate and had a bloody lovely time! (I hadn't had a day like this since before ds was born!😅) They had fun at a transport museum and I just relaxed.

I think people sometimes forget that posters may not want or feel able to go into exact circumstances.

My intention here was not to start a row or to have bad feelings on the thread, but be fair, look at my OP. Sleep. Uninterrupted. Lie in. OK, people say, DH can ensure that but actually he can’t mute DS (if only) etc. Plus tb totally honest and risking bringing MN wrath upon DH his actions do have unintended consequences. So last week he kindly got up with DS but gave him a Jaffa cake for breakfast. So then he won’t eat his actual breakfast then is ravenous by lunch time and the whole days out of sync and this often happens, the week before he took DS out, DS falls asleep for ten minutes then refuses his nap then is exhausted and a nightmare by 3pm.

He just doesn’t realise, he isn’t a bad man. But it does mean I don’t get much of a break. Plus for various reasons I’ve had NO break at all lately, not even a few minutes respite and I am feeling it. I also think (as indicated above) I have some low level depression which is making me feel unusually morose and low.

I think it's quite shocking that your DH can't cope with his own child, don't you ever wonder what would happen if you were rushed into hospital or dropped dead? I know you want this to be 'lighthearted' but there is nothing 'lighthearted' about a father that can't care for his own child.

FWIW my DH took full responsibility for our DS (apart from breastfeeding) from Day One. But I wouldn't have considered having a DC with an incompetent man. Yes, I know that sounds harsh but too many women seem to rush into having a baby without serious consideration about the practicalities.

@Ragwort I really don’t want a pile-on on DH. To be honest I can barely cope with DS at the moment and am finding him exceptionally challenging.

his actions do have unintended consequences. So last week he kindly got up with DS but gave him a Jaffa cake for breakfast

That kind of incompetence is ridiculous.

Surely you aren't going to put up with it?

Any vaguely intelligent adult knows that 16 mo don't have biscuits for breakfast.

In relation to your other points, posters can only respond to what you share. We can't guess at missing information.

OP, you need some help. A discussion with your GP & maybe open up to a friend / mum / sister?

This isn't lighthearted at all.

You're feeling low, your H is a dead loss & you are overwhelmed.

And with the breakfast thing, you should have left H to it & headed off.

One Jaffa cake won't ruin a toddler's day. They will be still hungry & can just have their breakfast a bit later.

(Still ridiculous of H tho & designed to make you think you can't have a break)

I can do all that now as my kids are older but guess what? I don’t want to anymore! Lol

I’ve been going out for evenings, days and weekends since DS was eight months old. And I breastfed. Surely something is workable?

No one knows your DH, so no one can say he’s a bad man.

But he could do with upping his parenting game, and also therefore his husbanding game. That seems pretty clear.

Hope you feel better soon, OP. Try to carve out some time (and try to make sure that time means DH deals with the consequences of whatever he mismanages, not you.)

He really isn’t a dead loss @EarringsandLipstick I wouldn’t see the biscuits as a big deal in themselves if it wasn’t for the fact as I say it then has a culminating sort of effect for me. Posting comments like that is quite upsetting for me. I don’t have a mum or sister (?)

Got to help yourself OP.
I signed myself Up to the gym- yes I could talk about money at a time when costs are rising, I could feel guilty for leaving DH with the two kids 3-4 times a wk for an hour and half- but fuck it I’m a person too, I do nothing for myself and he knows the schedules, if it goes wrong or out of sync, it’s one day, who cares!

I know that feeling. I’m a single parent and my kid’s dad has never looked after him overnight or even for a full day. Sometimes I just want a day off.
Even so I realise that some other single parents don’t even get the few hours a week to themselves that I do.

My 2 children are 3 and 6.
I fantasise about this on a daily basis.

I could go now and nearly did but my DD (3) is still very demanding with breastfeeding at night and our DS is autistic and wakes frequently. But I know one day I will drop the guilt and go - they will manage without me. I’ve managed many many nights without DH!

Keep the fantasy alive - Hang in there!!!

Book yourself into a hotel in your nearest city for a weekend and do whatever you want. Eat what you want, sleep when you want for as long as you want. Go to the cinema to watch a film or the theatre. I go away at least twice a year to do just that. It's only me so it doesn't cost the earth as I'm not fussed about swanky hotels etc. Even the train ride there is bliss 2hrs of my music/laptop etc to myself.
I honestly feel so much better for doing it and I don't care if anyone calls me selfish as I know it makes me a happier and better mother/wife for knowing I can do this.

Why are you making excuses for him?

Any adult, even if not a parent, knows a baby doesn't have Jaffa cakes for breakfast!

And if he did, it shouldn't have consequences for you - he's a parent too, he deals with it. You still get your break.

Regarding confiding in someone IRL, I said friend / mum / sister - as in, any of these - I didn't know your actual situation.

You seem really resistant to any suggestions to help

But OP isn't a single parent. She can have time off if she chooses.