Almost £70 for a day out, not sure whether to go

[Cheeseontoast32]

It's a baby shower next Saturday. £20 each towards room hire. Then suggested we put in £25 each for a present, I said I could only put in £15 though as thought £45 was ridiculous. Most others sent £25 there and then via transfer like it was 5 pence. Only one other sent less.
It's roughly £10 return train. It's in a village and my fault for not Looking at trains/buses there.
There's essentially a train every 4 hours there. Basically means either having to get there a couple of hours early or stay for 4 hours, which I'm not intending to do.
Either way, a taxi from the nearest station is £10-13 each way apparently.
Could be looking at £30 just on transport all in all.
Plus the £35 I've spent on the shower.
Really not sure what to do, feel like i have no choice now but to just pay it. Nobody else lives up my way so can't really give me a lift.

It's my fault for not looking at transport back when it was first suggested

Just decline, say you cannot make it

I mean I've paid the £20 for the room hire now which would just be wasted. I really don't know. Plus it's an old friend

I can’t believe they charged you for the room hire, what a cheek! I think that alone would have put me off attending 😂

While I kind of think baby showers are getting ridiculous, I think it’s important to make an effort to maintain friendships and these are big life events. If you really can’t afford it I would make sure you send a nice gift and card when baby arrives.

You could just see the £20 as a donation for a dear old friends special day.

it’s a baby shower, fuck it. It’s not like you’re going to get anything out of it and if it’s too expensive you’d be mad to go.

Say you can't afford it but are happy to let them keep what you've paid so far

But pull out sooner rather than later

Just don't go, it's not obligatory. I don't understand why guests should have to pay for room hire, just go to a pub/restaurant/bar/park.

Let the £35 go or pay the rest and go to the shower. I wouldn't be putting in £25 though , only what I can afford at the time and if £15 is all you can afford then so be it . It sounds like you don't want to go , make excuses if this is the case and you've contributed £35. so far so what they do with that / gift / venue / whatever then that's it . Do you meet up.very regular is.it a really good friend. I've been invoted to plenty of these things and its seems like all it's about is money and am rarely in touch with a few now despite them being friends

I agree with this. It depends on how close you are to the mum to be I think. For some people I would be happy to make the effort, for others less so.

I know you said no one lives your way but if you did want to go could someone not give you a lift to/from the nearest station so that you could save on the taxi? That said it’s fine to just decline but do it asap, don’t ask for the £20 back and do still get your friend a present (when the baby comes is fine though, doesn’t need to be for the shower).

I always think it's cheeky charging guests for room hire - especially if the person organising also expects you to give towards a gift.

If it was a close friend, I would make the effort to go if I could. I wouldn't personally give anymore towards a gift if I couldn't afford it though, I would just tell the organiser that you thought the £20 towards the room hire was the gift. If you wanted to you could pick up a little something a bit cheaper to take with you (although £20 towards the day is a good gift so don't feel you have to).

If you really can't afford the travel etc or it isn't a close friend then it's definitely not unreasonable not to go

Also.is food / drink included?. otherwise you'll have to factor in that cost too .£70 for food / drink / travel / present isnt bad for a good day out. It would be the top end of my budget if it included all that

You totally have my sympathy, OP. I know I was young when dinosaurs walked the earth, but thank goodness for that! Life was just so much simpler and less monetised.

It seems to me that hen parties, weddings and baby showers are now mainly a way for the bride/groom/mother-to-be to fulfil their crazy, overblown, celebrity-inspired fantasies at the expense of their 'friends'. So many threads on here where people feel pressured and embarrassed about these events. My hen party was a meal for a few close friends in a nice restaurant!!! And I thought that was special.

I would have thought that, if the host invites you and expects a gift (especially something more than 15 quid) then the responsibility for paying for a smart venue, food, drink and any entertainment is theirs - not another opportunity to sponge off their guests. Otherwise they should cut their coat according to their cloth and have a simple do at home. If it's easy to get to and you are not charged (because that's what is amounts to) for attending, then you'd probably be delighted to buy your friend a gift...but not where the amount is specified!!! I can't get over the rudeness, grabbiness and entitlement I read and hear about.

Sorry for rant - but my practical advice would be to explain to your friend that it's just not doable in your current financial situation and that you've contributed towards the event and wish her a happy party, but that transport problems and costs mean you can't attend. You can then get her a (more modest) gift for when you next see her, within your budget, not hers!

20 quid a head for room hire? How many are going? Unless there's only 4 guests that sounds excessive to me.

But yeah if you can't afford to go you'll have to back out. If you can go definitely don't pay the gift money, I think that's cheeky, you should be able to choose what level of gift you can give. I'm pregnant and something like a handmade blanket or a pack of nappies are just as gratefully received as a big gift would be.

Are baby showers turning into hen parties? There was a thread on here the other week about one that involved an overnight stay and 'activities'.

I agree it's all getting out of hand but it doesn't say who specified the amount of money, my guess is it's a friend or relative of the mum to be who is organising it not the m2b herself who presumably doesn't know. Although if it is the mum to be then that is really grabby!

can't believe they are asking guests to contribute towards the room hire! If you can't afford it, find somewhere else, don't expect the guests to cover it.

Rude bastards

It's ridiculous

You should be able to chose your own gift anyway not have to pit in £25

My dd had it at home and we all brought some food.

Room hire? Good grief

Who charges their friends to attend a baby shower! That's shocking.

Everything is so expensive isn't it. Been down to the beach for a walk and saw that a small icecream on the prom is now £3.50. I thought a family with 2 kids, that's £14 for icecreams, £16 if you want a flake. Then parking, varies but £5 would be a reasonable average for 2 or 3 hours but £12 for the day. Buy everyone a hotdog that's another £14. I don't know how young families manage a day out, well I don't know how anyone manages a day out at the moment.

OP £70 is alot for a day out and if you can't afford it don't feel pressured to go.

Eh? You don't charge your guests the cost of throwing a party, especially not one that's a blatant demand for guests to attend with a gift. Plus it's not very considerate to hold it in somewhere with no public transport if the guests don't drive.

Just say you're sorry you're unable to attend due to no sensible transport. What do they expect you to do, wait on the doorstep for two hours until everyone else gets there?

So far then, you've been told to pay a share of the room hire, and money towards a present.

What's actually going to happen in this room then? Are you all going to sit there looking at each other and twiddling your thumbs, or will there be food and drink provided? And if so... who's paying for that? If it's a posh hotel, then you could be looking at another £25+ a head for a fancy afternoon tea.