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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Almost £70 for a day out, not sure whether to go

106 replies

Cheeseontoast32 · 04/05/2022 15:49

It's a baby shower next Saturday. £20 each towards room hire. Then suggested we put in £25 each for a present, I said I could only put in £15 though as thought £45 was ridiculous. Most others sent £25 there and then via transfer like it was 5 pence. Only one other sent less.
It's roughly £10 return train. It's in a village and my fault for not Looking at trains/buses there.
There's essentially a train every 4 hours there. Basically means either having to get there a couple of hours early or stay for 4 hours, which I'm not intending to do.
Either way, a taxi from the nearest station is £10-13 each way apparently.
Could be looking at £30 just on transport all in all.
Plus the £35 I've spent on the shower.
Really not sure what to do, feel like i have no choice now but to just pay it. Nobody else lives up my way so can't really give me a lift.

OP posts:
BattenburgDonkey · 04/05/2022 16:39

Is there really no one that will give you a lift? If not I’d just view the room hire as what it is, donation to the (CF) friend, it’s not wasted.

Feckingfeck · 04/05/2022 16:39

Is this a thing?

Surely the person who's baby you are showering should be your host and pay for the venue etc? Or host at their home?

namechangeanonymous · 04/05/2022 16:40

The whole room hire thing grinds me here, my baby shower is in a couple of weeks and I'm having it at a very kind friend's house, my friends and I are a bit separated geographically and I wouldn't expect my friends to travel and buy me a gift surely the gift is the effort to travel, if my friends want to gift me anything a cute baby grow or a packet of nappies would be very well recieved.

Leftbutcameback · 04/05/2022 16:40

That does seem over the top. I guess the lift from the station doesn’t work because you’ll be arriving really early. I would explain to your friend that you’ve paid for a gift and the room hire, and then why you can’t go. Don’t fall for the sunk costs fallacy

ButtockUp · 04/05/2022 16:40

These showers are getting more ridiculous by the day.
I really think that people ought to stop paying out to attend these things and keep saying 'sorry, I can't make it/afford it."

The number of folk who feel guilt-tripped into organising /attending these functions is increasing and it just makes bridezillas/mumzillas look grabby and entitled.

BarbaraofSeville · 04/05/2022 16:41

ancientgran · 04/05/2022 16:35

Everything is so expensive isn't it. Been down to the beach for a walk and saw that a small icecream on the prom is now £3.50. I thought a family with 2 kids, that's £14 for icecreams, £16 if you want a flake. Then parking, varies but £5 would be a reasonable average for 2 or 3 hours but £12 for the day. Buy everyone a hotdog that's another £14. I don't know how young families manage a day out, well I don't know how anyone manages a day out at the moment.

OP £70 is alot for a day out and if you can't afford it don't feel pressured to go.

Well to be fair a day at the beach is only that expensive if you make no effort at all to reduce the cost.

Go to one with more reasonable parking charges, take a picnic and buy your ice creams from the Co-op or similar and you've cut the cost by more than half.

This example and the OP, it's like it's never occurred to people to say no or to look for ways to reduce the cost. It's very rare that it has to cost that amount and can usually be done much cheaper with little in the way of effort or detriment in enjoyment. Plus most people can put together a far nicer picnic than hotdogs, for less money.

Original poster
Cheeseontoast32 · 04/05/2022 16:41

Thanks for the replies. Luckily managed to find a slightly nearer station so i will go

OP posts:
Maireas · 04/05/2022 16:42

namechangeanonymous · 04/05/2022 16:40

The whole room hire thing grinds me here, my baby shower is in a couple of weeks and I'm having it at a very kind friend's house, my friends and I are a bit separated geographically and I wouldn't expect my friends to travel and buy me a gift surely the gift is the effort to travel, if my friends want to gift me anything a cute baby grow or a packet of nappies would be very well recieved.

Then why are you having it?

Maireas · 04/05/2022 16:43

Cheeseontoast32 · 04/05/2022 16:41

Thanks for the replies. Luckily managed to find a slightly nearer station so i will go

Do you also give a gift when the baby is born?

Maireas · 04/05/2022 16:45

It's not a life event. It's not a wedding, christening (or equivalent) or funeral.
The baby hasn't been born yet, so it's not a celebration.
I see that you're going, but that's a pricey event.

Original poster
Cheeseontoast32 · 04/05/2022 16:45

Sorry forgot that the £20 includes food but not drinks. Well i don't know what food, probably a couple of sandwiches and a cake

OP posts:
cookiemonster2468 · 04/05/2022 16:48

Seems quite cheeky to throw an event that is all about people giving you gifts.. and then charge them £20 to come along. I don't think I'd go.

Original poster
Cheeseontoast32 · 04/05/2022 16:49

It's the relatives of the mum to be who've organised it.

OP posts:
BattenburgDonkey · 04/05/2022 16:50

cookiemonster2468 · 04/05/2022 16:48

Seems quite cheeky to throw an event that is all about people giving you gifts.. and then charge them £20 to come along. I don't think I'd go.

But you’ve already paid, found a closer station and it’s an old friend, so it’s a bit redundant not going on principle of the food and room charge now.

BattenburgDonkey · 04/05/2022 16:51

BattenburgDonkey · 04/05/2022 16:50

But you’ve already paid, found a closer station and it’s an old friend, so it’s a bit redundant not going on principle of the food and room charge now.

Show quote history

Sorry I read this wrong, I thought this was the OP changing her mind again, no idea how I misread it 😅

Crikeyalmighty · 04/05/2022 16:51

I would send a really nice message and explain it's really difficult for you to get to without a ton of cost but you hope she has a lovely day

hellcatspanglelalala · 04/05/2022 16:52

Cheeseontoast32 · 04/05/2022 16:49

It's the relatives of the mum to be who've organised it.

They should've paid for the room!

alterego2 · 04/05/2022 16:58

Cheeseontoast32 · 04/05/2022 15:51

I mean I've paid the £20 for the room hire now which would just be wasted. I really don't know. Plus it's an old friend

You're at risk of falling for the sunk costs fallacy here. Either you lose £20 or you lose £20 + up to another £50 on travel etc. Sometimes you just have to write off the smaller sum to save the larger amount.

The £15 contribution to the gift is, I think, fine.

I think I would have a migraine on the day, personally.

anywhichwaytoo · 04/05/2022 17:03

Hasn't this been done before?

Why is someone charging their friends for room hire for the baby shower and specifying an amount towards a gift? Some people ConfusedConfused

CurzonDax · 04/05/2022 17:04

I don't understand the point of baby showers. When my sis/cousin/friends have had children in the past (thankfully, none of them have had a shower so far!), I have always bought a nice gift for the baby. But I went and visited, after the baby was born, and gave my gifts then, whilst meeting the new addition,

Rather than waste money attending a shower, I rather spend a little extra and buy the baby a nicer gift. Maybe it's because I've never been to a baby shower, but I can't imagine visiting a new mother/baby, without turning up with anything for the baby. I guess that's just because that's what I've always done. But do the mothers who have showers still expect visitors to bring gifts once the baby is here, and they want to meet the baby (I'm genuinely just curious, as I don't know!).

Showers also seem an excuse to get more gifts, as I've heard of people being invited to baby showers for friends they've not seen in a very long time, and whom they have to travel distances to see/attend the shower (and thus wouldn't necessarily have seen soon after the baby is born anyway).

Testina · 04/05/2022 17:07

Bit weird that you were into MN before checking the nearest station… it can’t even be that far is a train was £10 return.

You didn’t even want to stay 4 hours… why spend £70 on people you don’t want to spend half a day with?

Paying for room hire seems a bit odd too! Village hall rooms aren’t generally that expensive, so £20 suggests not many going. And not many going means it could have been hosted in a house. Weird!

Riverlee · 04/05/2022 17:07

I hope that £20 includes food, but you shouldn’t be charged for room hire and a gift. How many people going at £25 a time?

Apricote · 04/05/2022 17:10

I don't know how young families manage a day out, well I don't know how anyone manages a day out at the moment.

When we went to the beach as kids we were religiously taken to ones with a carpark, toilets, and sand. We took marmite sandwiches and orange squash. We played in the sand and the sea. It was awesome.

mamabeeboo · 04/05/2022 17:19

Just buy your own gift. Message the group something along the lines of "went shopping today and stumbled across a beautiful present which x would love and I couldn't resist buying it. So I'm going to bring that as a gift instead".

And just get her something which you're happy in purchasing. It's easy to make a cheaper gift look expensive, well wrapped etc.

speakout · 04/05/2022 17:20

You would have to pay me £70 to attend a baby shower.