Page 4 | Does your teen eat meals with you?

Tinkerblonde1 · 2022-05-04T08:47:08+00:00

My dd age 14 hasn't eaten a family meal with us for about 4 weeks. She always wants to be out with her friends. Is this normal? I always read on here how it is the one thing people insist on. I am treading carefully as my dd is under cahms due to an incident with her Dad so I tread carefully. Her friends are sometimes here at my home until 8.30 so they don't go home for meals either. I am a teacher also and it seems it is common for teens to go out with friends from school and head home about 8pm. I absolutely hate it and hope she grows out of it but I am treading carefully due to mental health. AIBU? Or shall I put a stop to it.

Needwine999 · 04/05/2022 19:44

A family that eats together stays together? What a load of tripe.!! I have friends who have eaten together and now split up, we haven't eaten together regularly for a while now as the teens come and go and are doing stuff and we are as close as ever. We spend time together in loads of different ways!

HairyBum · 04/05/2022 19:46

Feed her and her friends and your family at the same time. We often have my kids friends for tea

Kendodd · 04/05/2022 19:58

Yes they do, weekday evenings. And go back up to their rooms afterwards.
I would be tempted to just feed her and all her friends together with the rest of your family. Do something really simple and cheap, pasta, beans on toast etc. All fed, better and probably cheaper than them all raiding your cupboards and you still get family time.
I think it's great she sees her friends at home so much, assuming friends are all nice, its probably the best thing for her mental health, to be having fun.

Original poster

Tinkerblonde1 · 04/05/2022 20:04

Kendodd · 04/05/2022 19:58

Yes they do, weekday evenings. And go back up to their rooms afterwards.
I would be tempted to just feed her and all her friends together with the rest of your family. Do something really simple and cheap, pasta, beans on toast etc. All fed, better and probably cheaper than them all raiding your cupboards and you still get family time.
I think it's great she sees her friends at home so much, assuming friends are all nice, its probably the best thing for her mental health, to be having fun.

Thanks. I cooked them a pizza earlier. Easy and cheap. Was only 2 other girls tonight and my Dad has just taken ine home as she lives the other side of town.

I think you are right. Just being happy at the moment is progress after a tough 6 months.

OP posts:

Candour · 04/05/2022 20:24

I have 1 son and we have always eaten at the dining table together most nights. He has always been food orientated though and after a bout of teenage acne he is obsessed with eating freshly cooked homemade food. No more takeaways for us! I was completely the opposite as a teenager. I was like your daughter never at home I was always with my friends or at work after school/college.

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 04/05/2022 20:25

Tinkerblonde1 · 04/05/2022 17:24

Thanks its not easy having teenagers with mental health issues. Which I don't think some people understand.

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Def not easy. I would say ignore what anyone else does and do what works for you.

MaudieandMe · 04/05/2022 20:33

We only eat Sunday breakfast together as a family and have done this for years.
Every other mealtime, we eat separately although teen DS does eat all his meals at the dining table alone unless he has friends visiting and then they eat together. I have attempted to sit at the table and eat with him but there's zero conversation, it's like pulling teeth, so I tend to sit in another room reading my book or watching tv.

SkaSkaSka · 04/05/2022 20:39

It depends, mostly the 17 year old is off doing his own thing or working or doesn't want what I make. He's gone veggie too. He will have the none meat bits of a roast if he fancies. The 12 year old eats all meals with us.

Kendodd · 05/05/2022 09:03

have attempted to sit at the table and eat with him but there's zero conversation
We all eat together, family with three teens, my kids mostly spend the time at the table arguing, so zero conversation isn't so bad 😀

ThereWillBeSnacks · 05/05/2022 09:18

If he's in then, yes, he eats dinner with DH and me in the evening. We sit at the table and chat, it's a lovely part of the day. If he's out, he's out and whilst sometimes I will save him something most of the time he sorts himself something when he gets home.

But he is almost 19 and therefore pretty independent - I wouldn't be happy with a 14-year-old out every night and never around for dinner.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 05/05/2022 09:20

Dd 15 has misphonia, so refuses to eat with us🤷🏼‍♀️

samthebordercollie · 05/05/2022 09:28

We eat together with DS 15 every evening, when DD is home from university she eats with us too: If any of us have sports activities we eat a little later, but always at the table and always together: But I live in France and DH is French, it isn't normal for teenagers to be out in the week here, they have long school days and it definitely isn't normal to eat at different times: I like it:
(this new site doesn't like my keyboard, impossible to write full stops, sorry!)

MrsAvocet · 05/05/2022 09:59

I know this isn't the point of the thread, but I'm intrigued by the practicalities of not eating as a family as I don't think I know anyone who does this.
Aren't your food and utilities bills huge? It must cost a fortune buying ingredients for multiple one person meals and cooking them all separately, compared to all having the same thing. Even when I was a student we joined forces to cook together for that reason.
And how to you plan/shop if everyone is doing their own thing, or does every family family member shop for themselves too?
On the odd occasion I am at home on my own I find it quite hard to motivate myself to cook a proper meal to be honest - it seems like a lot of work - so I think I'd have a terrible diet were we not eating as a family.

InkyPinkyParlez · 05/05/2022 10:15

We all eat together, but I also worry DD is a bit socially isolated. I would be happy for her to be out with her friends a bit more. Out every night for 4 weeks does sound extreme, but maybe we are too, in the opposite direction.

DistrictCommissioner · 05/05/2022 10:15

MrsAvocet · 05/05/2022 09:59

I know this isn't the point of the thread, but I'm intrigued by the practicalities of not eating as a family as I don't think I know anyone who does this.
Aren't your food and utilities bills huge? It must cost a fortune buying ingredients for multiple one person meals and cooking them all separately, compared to all having the same thing. Even when I was a student we joined forces to cook together for that reason.
And how to you plan/shop if everyone is doing their own thing, or does every family family member shop for themselves too?
On the odd occasion I am at home on my own I find it quite hard to motivate myself to cook a proper meal to be honest - it seems like a lot of work - so I think I'd have a terrible diet were we not eating as a family.

I was thinking the same! How does it work?

I cook once & serve around 6-7pm, everyone who is here eats together, anyone who isn’t heats a plate up when they get back.

DistrictCommissioner · 05/05/2022 10:17

And also same InkyPinkyParlez, my 14 yo is also socially isolated & I would be thrilled if she were out for dinner because she was with friends (she is out for clubs quite often at least).

Bimster · 05/05/2022 14:07

I live in France and DH is French, it isn't normal for teenagers to be out in the week here, they have long school days and it definitely isn't normal to eat at different times: I like it

If it wasn’t for Mumsnet, I wouldn’t believe it was normal in Britain either. These threads are a huge eye opener.

Anonymous48 · 05/05/2022 14:12

TDCtomorrow · 04/05/2022 18:12

Crikey my DD10 never eats with us let alone the teenager

I find that incredibly sad.

Firesidefox · 05/05/2022 14:15

Yes always. He's 14 and goes out with his mates sometimes, so they will go and get a burger or something, but 95pc of the time he's at home with us.

I am coaching him to learn the art of conversation. We are only in the foothills but I intend to make a charming young man out of him. He would prefer to eat off a tray in front of YouTube but that is not ok when we are around.

Goldencarp · 05/05/2022 17:11

I check if the kids want what I’m making, if they don’t they get themselves something. Its never another whole meal though just egg or beans on toast or something.

Original poster

Tinkerblonde1 · 05/05/2022 18:10

DistrictCommissioner · 05/05/2022 10:17

And also same InkyPinkyParlez, my 14 yo is also socially isolated & I would be thrilled if she were out for dinner because she was with friends (she is out for clubs quite often at least).

Its so hard to get a happy medium.

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TDCtomorrow · 06/05/2022 10:54

It's not sad it works for us.

She's out playing out with grandparents etc etc. I work until late so everyone eats when and where they wish

Original poster

Tinkerblonde1 · 06/05/2022 12:50

TDCtomorrow · 06/05/2022 10:54

It's not sad it works for us.

She's out playing out with grandparents etc etc. I work until late so everyone eats when and where they wish

I think maybe we do herald it as some great thing but its not always practical.

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Anonymous48 · 06/05/2022 17:28

TDCtomorrow · 06/05/2022 10:54

It's not sad it works for us.

She's out playing out with grandparents etc etc. I work until late so everyone eats when and where they wish

I think if it's not practical for your family (you working late, for example) that's one thing. Your initial post made it sound like you would be surprised if a 14 year old did eat with their family because even your 10 year old doesn't. I do think it's important to prioritize eating together when feasible and practical.

DragonOverTheMoon · 06/05/2022 17:35

Nope