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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tight partner whilst on maternity ?

104 replies

Jxxx9 · 03/05/2022 19:06

I had my own business covid hit , id just started to get back on my feet then fell pregnant , my baby is now 9 months old and im working a few mornings a week ( my family mind our son ) its not much money and im only doing a few hours as i dont have much childcare and im also trying to get my business back on its feet to pre covid level . My partner is on alot of money he has been transfering me £500 a month however this barely covers our food bill ( we both have a child from a previous relationship ) i buy all the childrens clothes / trainers and milk / baby food . He constantly
puts me down when we argue about how im not contributing and i should of gone back to work full time straight away , even tho we are not short of money . He will regulary treat himself to designer clothes and is going on a boys holiday this week costing thousands . Just feeling trapped really as iv always earned a good wage pre covid level and never had to rely on anyone before .

OP posts:
vivainsomnia · 04/05/2022 09:08

Something doesn't ring right. The rent should definitely yield a return above the interest you have to pay on your house. You should have a buy to let mortgage. Then you should get maintenance for your eldest.

Shmithecat2 · 04/05/2022 09:11

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 04/05/2022 09:03

Maybe I’m mistaken but she never “gave up work”, her business struggled during Covid, there was never an agreement to give up work and he’d support her? It would be very different if that was the agreement, but it wasn’t. It’s more circumstance and he’s telling her to get a job as they never agreed she’d be a stay at home parent and he’d pay for her.

and she gets more than 500 a month, she lives rent and bill free. People are acting like that’s irrelevant, for me personally that’s a lot of where my money goes, on paying my mortgage and bills.

I really dont understand the answers. It would be lovely if he shared all his money with her, but she’s certainly not entitled to it, and she’s not on a bad deal.

even if she could get back into her own house and kick the tenants out, she can’t afford to pay her mortgage and bills, never mind feed herself, she earns 400 quid a month and works part time.

right now she has pretty much everything paid for.

I imagine CMS would help with living costs - a quick guesstimate of approx £850 a month. Then there's CB, UC etc. She'd probably be better off.

Any high earning 'partner' that is happy to leave their low owning/main childcare giver with nothing other than 'bills paid' at the end of the month whilst they get to have all the fun money is an arsehole, let alone financially abusive.

OP, I'd spend the next 8 months getting ducks in a row (particularly wrt his earnings), give the correct notice to your tenants and leave.

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 04/05/2022 09:36

vivainsomnia · 04/05/2022 09:08

Something doesn't ring right. The rent should definitely yield a return above the interest you have to pay on your house. You should have a buy to let mortgage. Then you should get maintenance for your eldest.

Yes I’m surprised about that too to be honest. It’s vanishingly rare that rent is the same as a mortgage. It’s usually much higher.

however the thread seems to have gone down the route of apparently he should give her complete access to all his earnings, but that’s not what she’s asked, he’s told her to get a job and is sick of her not contributing financially as that was never the agreement they had.

im surprised at the answers as normally people on here agree, from what I’ve seen, that to be a stay at home parent is a joint decision. One person doesn’t just get to decide and force the other to financially support them. Be it the man or the woman, But in this instance it seems people feel she doesn’t need to get a job and she should be able to force him.

Haydugee · 04/05/2022 14:26

OP’s DP is paying all household bills for OP and her DC (who is not his child) and their shared DC. Plus providing her with a big family car. Plus giving her £500 per month.

On top of that she gets rental income from her own house which she puts towards her own mortgage, AND earns £400 per month which she keeps.

She seems to be doing pretty well out of this.

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