To be deeply offended

[medicmummm]

Is it me, or is it so much easier to offend people now a day.

There are more protected characteristics (rightly so) but I almost feel like I'm always stepping on egg shells and concerned about upset someone.

Does anyone share this feeling?

Nah, but I’m not a tosser by nature.

I wouldn't be too anxious.

'Offended' is misused a lot by people who are determined to misunderstand being asked to treat people with respect, and also to trivialise the feelings of people who have to experience a lot of crap.

I think most people from less privileged groups can distinguish between an honest error and attempt to offend but we also have to accept that we may receive annoyance/frustration from some people when we misstep and not take it too personally - they may not be annoyed at you so much as the whole social shebang that leads to, for example, them experiencing 'well-meant' comments that actually are stereotyping.

At the end of the day I remind myself that if I were to screw up, I might experience discomfort and embarrassment, but the person who I would have upset has probably had to cope with worse comments a lot more often and from people who aren't sorry or are even glad to have hurt them.

And if you do make an error, all you can say is 'I'm sorry, I'll admit I didn't understand that was offensive, I'll try to do better next time'. Not 'But I didn't mean that' 'I'm not racist' and not grovelling/crying/over-apologising - don't dig yourself a hole, don't make it about you; apologise sincerely and move on.

And in those conversations you’d say ‘this is my queer friend Sarah who goes to a queer group’?

You told me earlier I can't say that or call someone queer🤷🏽‍♀️

So, no?

When has this personally happened to you?

So no what?

Racist/misogynistic/homophobic comments were highly offensive in the 70's, only those who were offended didn't feel they had a voice to speak out without making themselves the target of yet more abuse, because society saw them as 'lesser'.

I don't understand people who complain about "pc gone mad" and "you can't say anything" - why would you not wish to know if you were inadvertently upsetting someone so you can avoid doing it again?

Yeah this! It's really easy not to offend people when you're not a bitchy person. Like Tamara on MAFSA going on about sensitive people getting upset at what she says and it's their fault for being over sensitive. No love, you're a bitch saying nasty things, people aren't wrong for being hurt, you're wrong for being hurtful.

Do you want dates and times peaches?

So no, those are not phrases you would use?

Just some genuine real life examples would be great. I have just never found it difficult.

Its not a bizarre take.

Its bizarre that you have so many friends who identify as queer, to the point you simply must speak about them being queer, but are afraid to offend someone (presumably from your friend group) despite your numerous discussions about it.

You're tying yourself up in knots trying to prove that 'woke' culture is affecting you because you can't say what you want.

I don't understand the angst about gender identity. I have never, in all of my 61 years, ever had to refer to anyone by their gender.

I’m not going out of my way to offend anyone but it seems people get offended by the most innocent of jokes or comments. I mean people get offended at Tv shows and movies from back in the 90’s which are quite clearly a product of their era. Just because people get offended don’t mean you’ve said anything wrong, that’s a them problem not yours.

I think there's lots of people who deliberately go looking for things to be offended about on the internet so they can have a squawk and feel vaguely relevant for a while, but IRL simply sticking to NOT being racist, homophobic, misogynistic, xenophobic or generally massively intolerant of everyone else works OK for me.

Ah denial I expected nothing better from this place. There are threads on here full of it.

You’ve just put this so well! Spot on. Thank you 🙏🏻

There are also the endless trigger warnings on here. Go to sites like pistonheads or a variety of other sites and there are endless number on here compared to the other sites and then Mumsnet hq adds more. Are mumsnetters more easily triggered or offended?

It doesn’t exist. You won’t be able to list anywhere it affects society in any real way.

I really don’t see/hear this.

Only people offended seem to be the people who want to offend/hurt people, tbh.

What kind of oerson are you if you go around offending people, have you thought about becoming a vetter person?
Learn a little about different people?

Yes, although I agree with luxxlisbon, 'woke' is mostly an insult used by people who want to reserve the right to insult people right and left but also to be offended when
their own crass behaviour is pointed out to them. However, I noticed Scarlett Moffatt, in a TV programme with Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen, claim he'd insulted her and she was bitterly hurt. His offence? They'd all been to a church service in which monks sang the service in Latin. LLB said he'd liked it being in Latin as you don't have to engage your understanding of language. Scarlett huffed and called him out for making her feel bad as she hadn't had his posh education and couldn't speak Latin. LLB started to say that's not what he meant, realised it was a losing battle and probably said he didn't mean to offend her. This kind of misunderstanding is annoying, particularly when the offendee refuses an explanation and smugs off feeling righteous but looking like an idiot. A bit more thought and less reacting would be welcomed.

I don't share your feeling about treading on eggshells, but feel that there are more opportunities to offend (or please). Especially in a digital world.

As a society we do need re-education

I think by now everyone understands that discriminating or causing tangible harm on the basis of age, ability, religion, sex and race is wrong.

This is not something new. It was written on the Bible 2000 years ago.

The education is mostly done. We need to move on. Those constantly talking about learning and re-educating seem to be looking to develop a new industry. It's massively overengineered.

There appears to be the intention to create an artificial need in others to always be on top of the latest action that might 'offend'. And it's working - going by the OP, numerous threads here and the Media. People are actually making a living out of this, running seminars, etc.

It really needs to stop as it's getting caricaturesque, ridiculous and people are increasingly inclined to no longer take any notice.

It's less about terminology, more about not being allowed an opinion. For example, if you said you wouldn't feel comfortable with 'ladies' lavatories being used by those who are/declare themselves as transgender, you are likely to be cancelled/shamed/pillioried. That's why people get cross - because they are not allowed a thought or feeling that goes against the current trend. People feel that they are being told what they are allowed to feel/say/believe, and if they don't think/feel/talk that way, they are wrong.

The education is mostly done.

No it isn't, not by a long way.

No it isn't, not by a long way

Sure, let them continue to ride the gravy train.

It's starting to get into the law of diminishing returns territory, or perhaps already starting to backfire.