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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be deeply offended

165 replies

medicmummm · 03/05/2022 18:30

Is it me, or is it so much easier to offend people now a day.

There are more protected characteristics (rightly so) but I almost feel like I'm always stepping on egg shells and concerned about upset someone.

Does anyone share this feeling?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 03/05/2022 19:07

@medicmummm

just ask. A colleague today told me about his child who is transitioning and is exploring their gender identity.

‘What pronoun do they prefer’ is all I asked before referring to them.

Very easy.

Penguinevere · 03/05/2022 19:11

Offending people from time to time is a part of life. It doesn’t mean you necessarily got something wrong but it’s good to think about it.

Staffy1 · 03/05/2022 19:11

The irony of some of the replies. I’m sure they never offend anyone by implying they are bigots, etc.
Grin

SummaLuvin · 03/05/2022 19:16

I don’t really agree with correct terms constantly changing. I am late twenties and the only terms that I’m aware of phasing out are transsexual, and (at a push) oriental and coloured, though I feel they were going out of vogue even when I was very young. Asian, East Asian, Gay, Black, Mixed Race… have always been the acceptable terms in my lifetime. Similarly, Pk, Nggr, Fggt… we’re always considered incredibly rude slurs never to ever be used.

Even if it was the case of them changing frequently, how often are you having you use these terms that it causes stress? I live in a city with LGBTQ and all races, and can’t think of the last time I would have needed to.

purpleboy · 03/05/2022 19:28

SummaLuvin · 03/05/2022 18:57

To those of you who think people are too easily offended today. Can you give an example of something you would like to say, but can't because you are concerned it would be classed as offensive?

With reference to my previous comment about terminology changing,
Queer was deemed a slur, now some people are reclaiming it, but others in the community still see it as a slur, same with faggot although that one I have only seen reclaimed a handful of times so not sure if it is gaining any traction.

Anything regarding trans people is automatically transphobic, biological fact is transphobic, science is transphobic.

Black and brown women I know in a specific group had a very detailed conversation about how they prefer to be referred to, they all felt different words were acceptable/unacceptable, some hated being referred to as non white, whilst others were ok with it, some hated BAME whilst others were happy with it, we ended up laughing at the fact that no conclusions could be made at the end of the discussion.

Usually the people screeching insults are not even part of the protected group, they want to be seen as an ally, even when others wishing that group don't agree with them.
I honestly find it a minefield.

Pumperthepumper · 03/05/2022 19:32

medicmummm · 03/05/2022 19:03

This!

I haven't actually offended anyone its more of a concern I have. Im not an anxious person K just feel out of my depth with terminology and being ND doesn't really help. However, I can piss someone off and not really realise 😂

Show quote history

If you haven’t offended anyone, why are you so sure people are more offended?

Pumperthepumper · 03/05/2022 19:32

purpleboy · 03/05/2022 19:28

With reference to my previous comment about terminology changing,
Queer was deemed a slur, now some people are reclaiming it, but others in the community still see it as a slur, same with faggot although that one I have only seen reclaimed a handful of times so not sure if it is gaining any traction.

Anything regarding trans people is automatically transphobic, biological fact is transphobic, science is transphobic.

Black and brown women I know in a specific group had a very detailed conversation about how they prefer to be referred to, they all felt different words were acceptable/unacceptable, some hated being referred to as non white, whilst others were ok with it, some hated BAME whilst others were happy with it, we ended up laughing at the fact that no conclusions could be made at the end of the discussion.

Usually the people screeching insults are not even part of the protected group, they want to be seen as an ally, even when others wishing that group don't agree with them.
I honestly find it a minefield.

Show quote history

Definitely don’t call anyone a queer or a faggot.

CheeseBoard2022 · 03/05/2022 19:34

You could say a man can't give birth and someone would be offended.

Way to many snowflakes nowadays, society has turned to shit.

Original poster
medicmummm · 03/05/2022 19:34

@Pumperthepumper

I haven't said I'm so sure about anything.

I have opened the floor to opinions and given my own. To say I'm so sure is a bit ridiculous really either that or you haven't comprehended my opening statement?

OP posts:
KaraVanPark · 03/05/2022 19:35

I offended a work colleague because my manager had heard that they agreed to an item. And I said X agrees… x didn’t speak to me for hours.. daft cow made herself look stupid.

I offended another one by saying I would miss ABC from the first place I worked … this person was offended because I didn’t mention her.. she’d started a few months previously and my first work place was years ago

and other who didn’t speak to me for months because I didn’t tell them to their face I’d got promoted, I did it as a group WhatsApp because some staff were off sick .. and I wanted everyone to find out at the same time

Original poster
medicmummm · 03/05/2022 19:36

CheeseBoard2022 · 03/05/2022 19:34

You could say a man can't give birth and someone would be offended.

Way to many snowflakes nowadays, society has turned to shit.

Until joining MN I didn't know this was offensive. That's what I'm wondering... what else do I not know is offensive?

Calling something girly could really offend someone but I just don't really get it- I think I have quite thick skin and I'm quite literal but never ever want to cause offence Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
medicmummm · 03/05/2022 19:37

KaraVanPark · 03/05/2022 19:35

I offended a work colleague because my manager had heard that they agreed to an item. And I said X agrees… x didn’t speak to me for hours.. daft cow made herself look stupid.

I offended another one by saying I would miss ABC from the first place I worked … this person was offended because I didn’t mention her.. she’d started a few months previously and my first work place was years ago

and other who didn’t speak to me for months because I didn’t tell them to their face I’d got promoted, I did it as a group WhatsApp because some staff were off sick .. and I wanted everyone to find out at the same time

Partly what I'm getting at. Perhaps I just wont make any small talk at work - ever Confused

OP posts:
hellrabbitishere · 03/05/2022 19:40

no i dont tend to ever have this worry , thats because although i wouldnt deliberatly say anything i thought would offend someone , i am one of those say it as i see it types as a poster upthread has phrased it and if someone does want to get all offended by it thats their problem not mine . this has worked for me very well over many years and although i worry over many other things offending people is not one of them

Pumperthepumper · 03/05/2022 19:40

medicmummm · 03/05/2022 19:34

@Pumperthepumper

I haven't said I'm so sure about anything.

I have opened the floor to opinions and given my own. To say I'm so sure is a bit ridiculous really either that or you haven't comprehended my opening statement?

But you’re not offending anybody! So why would you think people are more offended now than ever before?

purpleboy · 03/05/2022 19:40

@Pumperthepumper what does the Q stand for in LGBTQAI+?

Pumperthepumper · 03/05/2022 19:43

purpleboy · 03/05/2022 19:40

@Pumperthepumper what does the Q stand for in LGBTQAI+?

Queer.

You definitely should not be calling people queer.

Feckingfeck · 03/05/2022 19:46

purpleboy · 03/05/2022 19:40

@Pumperthepumper what does the Q stand for in LGBTQAI+?

What do the A + I stand for?

They are new aren't they?

LightningAndRainbows · 03/05/2022 19:52

Asexual Intersex

purpleboy · 03/05/2022 19:54

@Pumperthepumper I'm confused, why can't you call them Queer? Some call themselves Queer?

LightningAndRainbows · 03/05/2022 19:55

There is also LGBTQQIP2SAA

Pumperthepumper · 03/05/2022 19:55

Are you really confused? Do you also feel a strong urge to use the n-word or any other reclaimed slur?

Original poster
medicmummm · 03/05/2022 19:55

LightningAndRainbows · 03/05/2022 19:55

There is also LGBTQQIP2SAA

Please can you explain the 2, S, A, A?

Thanks

OP posts:
LightningAndRainbows · 03/05/2022 19:58

2 Spirit
Asexual
Ally

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 03/05/2022 20:00

luxxlisbon · 03/05/2022 18:36

I don’t really find this, to be honest I usually only hear comments like this in regards to blatantly racist, sexist or homophobic things and accompanied with “you can’t say anything these days!” or similar.

Most of the things that are unacceptable now and upset someone actually upset in the past too, it’s just people didn’t care about that.

Very much agree with this

purpleboy · 03/05/2022 20:02

Pumperthepumper · 03/05/2022 19:55

Are you really confused? Do you also feel a strong urge to use the n-word or any other reclaimed slur?

This is exactly my point though, I see people describing themselves as queer, they identify as queer, surely if it's an identity then it can be named.
I've never heard anyone say they identify as a n word?