To be deeply offended

[medicmummm]

Is it me, or is it so much easier to offend people now a day.

There are more protected characteristics (rightly so) but I almost feel like I'm always stepping on egg shells and concerned about upset someone.

Does anyone share this feeling?

Someone can use descriptive words about themselves without everyone else doing it.

I would describe myself as having a massive arse, that's fine, if you chose to do it, it would be pretty offensive.

You would have no need to describe anyone's sexuality though imo. I cant think of a single reason you would have to say "X person is queer/a lesbian/is straight/ is bi" or whatever.

I find queer incredibly offensive, along with dyke which has also been ‘reclaimed’

How about something innocuous like 'I don't think people can actually change sex?'

The problem I can see is a mixture of you can have two different people who you could put in a "protected characteristic" group and one will be insulted by one way of putting it and ask for a different one to be used, and another will have totally different view points.

eg. My dc is physically disabled and her charity used to have the strap line along the lines of: "About ability not disability". Some people found the implication that they children could be called disability offensive. Personally (and a lot of people agreed with me) I rather liked it, and felt that it described it rather well. We were focusing on what the children could do and help them to achieve rather than what they weren't able to do.

I think where the phrase "pc gone wrong" type of thing comes when someone not in that "protected characteristic" group is very vocal about a term being offensive when the group generally don't consider it a problem and may even use it themselves.

I know for me, I have been pulled up by someone not connected to my dd's disability and told that something is offensive. It's her choice of words (and totally innocuous), and actually I don't think that person had a right to tell me that I shouldn't use my dd's choice of words and that I should use a different phrase that actually doesn't describe it at all well.
Personally I (nor dd) don't tend to get offended by descriptions unless they are of the "yuck, that's horrible" type-and you get enough of those to be getting on with.

I did some proofreading for someone who had a character that had a similar disability to dd. They used a phrase that some use, and some find offensive. I told them exactly that, and that they had a choice of using it or not, but some people would be offended.
They chose to use that knowledge and had the chap himself use it (rather than his friend) and his friend act horrified and then the chap explain why he chose to use it. It was a really good interaction between them, and gave the reader a little insight into the disability and how people felt differently.

But if you're not actually finding you are offending people more the what is the problem?

I knew that was going to be deleted. That’s annoying.

I'm not bothered because I generally don't say anything offensive and if I inadvertently do I listen, learn and apologise

I would have thought most have given up by now on the 'listen, learn and apologise'.

The constant demands to self-flagellate several times a day must be exhausting and I don't think all the nonsense is taken seriously anymore.

Just do your best to be sensible and empathetic generally and you'll be fine OP

Just try and be kind and think of others before yourself, however we all get grumpy or speak without thinking sometimes. Goodness knows I have said many a thing a cringe at when I look back!
As long as you don’t deliberately say mean things are think you will be fine.

Is your name Jim Davidson?

Seriously, most people are unlikely to be offended most of the time. If they are, it’s likely they also were in the past but didn’t feel they could tell you. I don’t think we’re more offended - I think we are more assertive and less likely to put up with insults dressed up as jokes. (Do you honestly think Irish people enjoyed sitting listening to ‘Thick Paddy’ jokes?) If you do offend someone and they tell you, apologise sincerely and resolve to learn a bit more and not do it again.

This absolutely.

I cant even remember the last time I said anything that offended someone, let alone several times a day, so it's not exhausting at all.

Good list, but can we please add ableist/disablist? I write as the parent of a teen who is blind and I despair on almost a daily basis about the ableism on MN.

Yes you’re right, I should have included that. I have an autistic DC and I sympathise.

I cant even remember the last time I said anything that offended someone, let alone several times a day, so it's not exhausting at all

I don't offend people often either.

But I don't share this 'perpetual learning' submissive attitude, as if everything you already know and any critical thinking is by default 'wrong' and everyone needs 're-educating'

Anyway, all of this has been overdone and I find it's facing a lot more challenge,

As a society we do need re-education.

I've even seen it on here, seemingly innocuous threads full racism, and posters being pulled up on it with "Oh I've always said that" and "you can't say anything these days".

Its not a submissive attitude to listen and learn from the voices who have been ignored for so long.

*Someone can use descriptive words about themselves without everyone else doing it.

I would describe myself as having a massive arse, that's fine, if you chose to do it, it would be pretty offensive.

You would have no need to describe anyone's sexuality though imo. I cant think of a single reason you would have to say "X person is queer/a lesbian/is straight/ is bi" or whatever.*

There have been a few times where I've seen it has been stated "this is a group for Queer people" or something similar. So if I was to be asked and said "it's a space for queer people or those who identify as queer" then according to Pumper that is a complete no go, but to others that is fine.
This is my point about it not being consistent, and it's difficult for people to keep up, some are offended and some aren't, and it wouldn't be the end of the world if the person offended just told you, but they automatically jump to name calling, homophobic, etc... there's no room for error.

I don’t understand what this means. You asked why you can’t call people queer or faggot, and now you’ve changed it to being invited into some kind of group name-call.

Why would you be asked anything about a group you don't attend, about an identity that has nothing to do with you?

I feel like your just making up a scenario that wouldn't happen in order to validate your 'confusion' on the topic.

Perhaps the ladies of mumsnet should stop engaging in misandry too sex is a protected characteristic.

It's a bloody minefield now out there, there's always someone waiting to find offence at anything they don't like.
I sometimes wonder where humour and comedy will end up if everyone becomes off limits for the butt of a joke!

A glance at most MN threads will show you that somewhere, someone is always able to take offence at something.

OP:
“someone drove a car into my window and was found to have heroin in their system”

Typical MN responses
“how dare you not have sympathy for a struggling junkie?! What’s the matter with you?!”

“maybe they had SEN?”

“I find this triggering because my auntie once drove through a wall and lost her arm”

the best thing is that most of the easily triggered groups are now fighting amongst themselves because they are encroaching on one another’s space and contradict one another. It’s going to be interesting watching it play out. The new trend on MN seems to be screaming “MISOGYNY” at someone.

Absolutely 100%

If your 'comedy' relies on being rude to people, maybe it's just not very funny.

say it louder for the people at the back