Or is my brother a CF

[Potentiallytakenforaride]

Quick context (it’s relevant, I promise). My older brother is a bit of a ne’er-do-well. Had all of life’s opportunities - top private school education etc etc, but has ended up making very poor decisions, smoking lots of weed and generally being a bit of a user and very selfish. Eg lives in a family owned flat for 1/4 of what it’s worth and still complains/is the victim, quits his job frequently to go travelling then wonders why his gf of the time isn’t there when he returns after 9 months, constantly agrees to meet me for lunch and then doesn’t want to pay so I have to.

Anyway my father (who DB doesn’t speak to) bought me my first car a few years ago. A shitty little run around but I loved it! I had a child and needed a larger car (it’s 2 door and was a disaster with car seat) and I’m pretty financially comfortable so I gave it to DB as he wanted to learn to drive. This was on the agreement he didn’t just sell it but actually use it (if I wanted to sell it I would have sold it myself but wanted it to go to my brother to use if that makes sense).

3 years later he has not passed his test, has broken up with another gf and has decided to give her the car. He hasn’t talked to me first, offered it back to me (would be quite useful with 3 children to have a second car) or anything - my mother just came and told me he’s given it to her.

AIBU to think he could have discussed it first? I appreciate I gave him the car so some (or most) people will say it’s his to do what he wants with, it just feels a bit shitty.

TLDR: I gave my brother my old car and he’s now given it to his ex as some sort of parting gift.

If you think it's bad now, just wait until any inheritance money comes in to the equation. I had a family member similar to your brother who was spoilt and entitled. In a warped way, he was almost revered by his mother and a wider family members. He used his entitlement as a weapon to manipulate and bully his parents, who used every excuse in the book to appease him. We eventually cut ties with him 15 years ago after his mother died and he felt that he was entitled to more inheritance than anyone else, despite already having milked his mother for all she was worth while she was alive. That kind of behaviour begins in childhood and doesn't get better with age. Your brother won't change but hopefully you'll be able to avoid future problems if you stand your ground now.

I have just lost my big brother (he was 45) to cancer and although he wasn't perfect, I cannot believe he's gone and that I'll never see him again. Cherish the fact you have a big brother and try to get to know him again and spend time with him, because if you lose him you will bitterly regret not spending more time with him and just letting things like the car go, trust me. I loved my brother but I thought he'd be alive into his 80's and didn't see much of him in the last couple of years and nothing I can do can make up for that now.

Definitely a CF, but no more than you should have expected. Like the old story of the duck that was going to cross a river. A venomous snake comes up, and asks for a ride. The duck says "NO! You'll KILL ME!" The snake responds that it would be impossible...if he bit the duck, he would die, too, so the duck gives in. Sure enough, halfway across, the snake bites the duck. As they both sink beneath the water, the duck cries out, "WHY??? You are dying too!" and the snake responds, "It's my nature. You knew what I was when I first talked to you."

Sorry ..but what is a CF?

He is a CF but YABU.

You gave the car as a gift
3 yrs later, the car has been gifted to someone else.

You didn't pay for the car so haven't lost out in any way UNLESS you made your brother aware you'd like the car back as a second car, and he gave it away anyway.

How long after things are given as gifts do you consider them still to be yours? 3 years? 10 yrs?

The car isn't yours. Let it go

@Madamum18 cheeky fucker

He's a waste of space, but you knew that, so why are you surprised that he's STILL being an irritating disappointment?

You wouldn't be so annoyed by the car, if he hadn't spent a whole lifetime annoying you in a myriad of other ways!

I'd just say "lesson learned". No more expensive gifts/loans for him, which is kind of freeing when you release yourself from the obligation to care (I did this with a relative about 5 years ago, and it was amazing).

But to be fair to him... Did you specify at the time that you'd want the car back if he decided he didn't want it any more?

Thanks incomplete :)