Why does this bother me so much

[Fee40]

This is going to sound really shallow of me but I can’t stop thinking about how I will look when I’m old? I’m 36 and look ok but I honestly can’t come to terms with losing my looks? (I know it is better than the alternative and I feel so so awful for the people that die very young etc) I really want to get this nonsense out of my head. Surely if you was beautiful in your youth you will be when you are older? (Not saying that I’m beautiful) do looks really fade?

💯 this more

You'll just have to accept that you won't look the same as you age. It's not pleasant, but it's unavoidable. Even celebrities with every beauty treatment available to them can't escape age. The ones who try have only mixed success and still don't look the same as they did in their 20s.

There are more important things than beauty. If you have more passionate interests in your life, you'll have less time to worry about the inevitabilities of life. Take a break from fashion and celebrity, with their unrealistic fantasies and unattainable standards of youthful beauty.

I am the same age as you OP. I have learnt to let go of it. My husband still fancies me and hopefully will forever, just as I fancy the ageing version of him. Because it's him, right? The package.

I guess if I was still trying to find someone to settle down with I might be more concerned about how I look but the thing that (I imagine) makes a 'catch' for singles that are 30+ is not a youthful glow but all the other things that make someone fun, being kind, wise and generous.

P.s. from your photo alone, I can confirm you do not look 25 but you do look like someone I'd want to hang out and have a laugh with!

YABVVU.

Yes. You posted it. It was this thread:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4530687-To-worry-about-getting-older
Pro tip: images are always traceable.

If you were able, you would benefit from putting on a couple of pounds, OP.

I would say you would one day make a very attractive old person. Meanwhile, you are not old!

I’m in my early 40s and this year I have noticed my first grey hairs and a frown line has started to develop between my eyes.

But the way things are going with the war in Ukraine and Russia’s threats to the west, a few wrinkles are the least of my worries and I’m actually worried about not having the chance to grow old and watch my children grow up (yes I know I need to read the news less and never look at the DM website ever again).

Why do you say it’s uncalled for? It’s simply a fact. Once real problems kick in people stop obsessing about shallow stuff. Why is this hard for you to understand? Lots of people are extremely shallow until real life smacks them in the face.

I don’t think you are beautiful, you look like a regular person at the mall. Nothing amazing, nothing horrifying.

Why is what you look like more important to you than wisdom and experience

Probably because when you are out in shops or restaurants or anywhere where you need someone to help you in any capacity, it doesn’t matter how wise or intelligent you are, people only see what is in front of them

If you are dumb and pretty, it doesn’t matter how much you don’t know people seem to fall over themselves trying to help you.

I get the security guard following me around and asking to see in my bag.
Or if I ask a question about something I get the eye roll and look of disdain and a short shrift answer.

Do you know what, 36 was the exact age I had a sudden realisation that I wasn’t young anymore. Not old but not one of the young ones. It scared me so much. I had the same thoughts are you. Omg I don’t look as attractive, don’t get the same attention etc.
however I reconciled it with well I’m going to look the best 36 year old I can look. Get in shape, good skin routine and feel confident.
mum now almost 10 years on and I actually feel better now than then because I care so much less
yes I’m not attractive but that’s ok! I’m ok with that. I don’t feel i need to be.
it’s actually liberating going out for a day trip or whatever and dressing for comfort. Don’t worry about reapplying make up. Don’t worry about fake nails pinging off. Don’t worry what my hair looks like on a windy day.
i look around and do you know what. Everyone else is obsessed with themselves generally. No one is looking at me and that’s fine. I look at the 20 somethings and yes I do get wistful and think how lovely to be young and skin so smooth but then I think, firstly I had that stage. It was good but came with disadvantages.
I’m just thankful for every day and week I’m healthy and loving life. It can all be taken away tomorrow so no point in dwelling on things you can’t change and wasting what precious time you have!

I agree. It is rubbish getting older! But I find the random aches and pains worse than the wrinkles.

Nonsense, if you are a fool you will be treated as one. The rest is fantasy

As you get older it becomes fair less important.

If it bothers you it bothers you, you know it’s a bit shallow but I’m not sure why you are getting a hard time. I was very attractive when younger (as in got scouted by model agents a few times), now heading to 60 I have no boobs (thanks cancer), am overweight (partly due to ongoing medication and partly due to “life is too short to not eat the pasta”) and tbh when I look in the mirror I am little sad that what looks back is not really how I see myself but I am alive and have so many things to be grateful for that it can’t be more than a passing regret.

I’m now in my 60’s. So I am old and my looks have faded drastically. I’m invisible to the opposite sex. I LOVE this time of my life! I wouldn’t be in my 20’s or 30’s again for anything.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I have a daughter in her 20’s who is truly beautiful and always has been. I can’t believe the many advantages that good looks bring. She has people falling all over themselves to assist her in shops, offer her employment, be her friend, you name it. Fortunately she doesn’t care about any of that and brushes it off. To me, that kind of unwanted attention is a bother. There is so much more to life than looking young and attractive.

What a vacuous question
Really? Is your life so fulfilled that all you have to do is be concerned about your looks and broadcast your 'fear' to the world?
Spend a couple of weeks with worries about heating/eating, or in Kyiv and see what worries real people

@MamaFirst

i suppose you have more significant, more highfalutin things to be concerned with other than how you look?

My grandmother was by all accounts (and photographic evidence) objectively stunning. In old age, she didn't mourn the loss of the 22 inch waist, perfect skin or luxuriant hair, but her strength, mobility, hearing and sight. However, she retained her generosity, courage and self mocking humour. I love and remember the old lady I knew her as, not the beauty she had been.

I try to hold in mind that we are evolving, all the time and each phase of life (if we are lucky enough to experience it) has its own joys.

I was recently diagnosed with OCD and it is hell sometimes, I get completely consumed by things and it takes over my life. This is just a worry I have for the minute.

@50ShadesOfCatholic I didn’t say I was beautiful. That isn’t what I am bothered about.