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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why does this bother me so much

113 replies

Fee40 · 02/05/2022 20:31

This is going to sound really shallow of me but I can’t stop thinking about how I will look when I’m old? I’m 36 and look ok but I honestly can’t come to terms with losing my looks? (I know it is better than the alternative and I feel so so awful for the people that die very young etc) I really want to get this nonsense out of my head. Surely if you was beautiful in your youth you will be when you are older? (Not saying that I’m beautiful) do looks really fade?

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RaininSummer · 02/05/2022 21:20

I think you just have to embrace the changes as you can't stop the clock. It does seem that people who were beautiful and based their worth on their looks do 'suffer' more as they age. Old people have a beauty of their own.

MyJobisNotOuting · 02/05/2022 21:23

ParisNoir · 02/05/2022 20:35

Oh Honey, thats why God invented botox/fillers 😊

They dont help you nee your looks
They give a different look

Squidlette · 02/05/2022 21:24

I look better in my 40s than my 20s. Better, but not young. I don't know why though. Not straightening my hair? Cheekbones appearing?

Lots of women I know look v v different on sm than in real life.

Many of the women around my age are clearly having fillers and lip fillers and botox. Yes, they look attractive on the surface, but they also look like women who are borrowing someone else's face. All smooth foreheads, plump cheeks, thick lashes and bee stung lips. Your eyes kind of slide off them, because you're looking for the human bits to connect too. Faces with lines are interesting.

carefullycourageous · 02/05/2022 21:25

I honestly don't get the worry, I am not trying to be dismissive but I have just never cared about it.

When I walk round the town where I grew up I see people and think 'oh they look like a middle aged version of x from school' and then I realise they are the middle aged person that middle aged me was at school with.

Squidlette · 02/05/2022 21:27

And they don't necessarily look better, just 'done'. And I'm sure we'll have lots of people along to tell us how subtle their work is in a minute, so maybe all the women I know just have shit practioners. Which is likely, seeing how many people get it done by a friend of their cousin.

Booboobagins · 02/05/2022 21:30

You know some people become more attractive with age & some less so.

Keep smiling, think positive and that positively will be seen way ahead of any lines abd wrinkles!

If all else fails though, botox is the biz! You can even still move your facial features now but have smoother skin and fewer lines. Fillers seem to be OK, just don't overdo them.

Def have a HiFU. I think you can have one every few years. If you do that it def holds off aging.

But you cant stop aging. It's a natural eventuality. One day you'll look in tge mirror and think, who the hell are you, 😆🤣😂

Sloelydoesit · 02/05/2022 21:42

In all reality you can't cheat genetics. I have the face of someone 10 years younger than me. Maybe more. The rest of my body is a disaster. Due to a number of reasons.
I just come from a family line where we look younger.
But I would probably give up the face for the other issues. For example - multiple pregnancies and varicose veins which are physically uncomfortable!

AzazaelsFury · 02/05/2022 21:44

Can go either way. How do your parents look older compared to younger?
I have seen stunning images of young people who I know as older people and time has not been kind in comparison and I've seen stunning people that keep their looks plus a few wrinkles.
Can't accurately predict that. May also depend how you care for your skin too. I don't do anything to mine and I'm sure I won't look as good as my mum who has always taken care of hers.

Mamamia344 · 02/05/2022 21:45

I'm in my 40's now and I regret spending time worrying so much about my appearance when I was younger. I lived life to the full and it really shows in my skin - lots of bad habits, smoking, sunning, drugs, drinking and hardly sleeping! I am grateful to be alive still and take really good care of myself now. I'm more concerned with being healthy than the age I look these days.

EwwSprouts · 02/05/2022 21:47

Yes it is shallow. Look outwards, be more interested in others and smile a lot (it's far more flattering than resting bitch face).

Phyllis321 · 02/05/2022 21:53

The issue is that you're equating beauty only with youth.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 02/05/2022 21:54

I think I look better now (40) than in my 20s. I know who I am and don’t need validation so have a level of confidence 20-30 year old me never had. I’m hoping to age gracefully and plan to always be well turned out rather than daily joggers (just occasional). Every decade is different but often better than the one before. The next 10 years I’ll be seeing my dc through teen years to adulthood, the stage of hanging out with dc sounds great to me.

I imagine I’d feel different if dh wasn’t by my side aging with me.

FrancescaContini · 02/05/2022 21:56

I think you need to get off Instagram etc and find a way to occupy yourself.

whatisthisinhere · 02/05/2022 22:00

I'd love to be able to say I don't care, but tbh, I've given it thought as I've aged. I'm in my 50s now, and I always feel the pressure to look decent, not amazing, just decent can be a bit of an effort these days.

blueshoes · 02/05/2022 22:01

I have always looked young for my age but around 40, my facial age started to catch with my actual age. I tried for about 5-10 years to hold it back but now, heck it, I probably look my age, especially post-menopause.

'Tis quite liberating.

I understand why women panic when they start to show signs of aging. Do you know any female celebrity who looks the same at 50 (even with all the surgery and cosmetic enhancements) as she did at 20? All women age, no matter how amazing their genetics or how much money or time they throw at it.

Katyrosebug · 02/05/2022 22:02

I'm the same age as you, I've noticed recently that I've got a lot of grey hairs coming through not only on my head by my eye brows as well lol.
I've been feeling the same recently, I've noticed my eyelids have sagged ever so slightly, whilst 10 years ago they were perfect and taught. I think it's a part of life though as othera have said, you can get botox and fillers any dye your hair etc..

caringcarer · 02/05/2022 22:03

You should be focussed on retaining your health over your looks.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 02/05/2022 22:05

You need some real problems to get life into perspective.

maybe when someone you love dies young or you get cancer or your house burns down or you are a victim of a terrorise attack you will be able to appreciate what you do have and enjoy your life more.

HisHX · 02/05/2022 22:05

I think you have to accept ageing. You’ll never look like you did in your 20s again (but in my case, thank goodness). I think the best you can do is to stay slim and toned, eat healthily, exercise, don’t smoke and wear sunscreen. I’m able to afford decent clothing and hair now, and overall think I look better than when I was younger. IMO lifestyle choices weigh fair heavier on how good someone looks than age, though ageing is (if you’re lucky) inevitable, the rest is controllable. Definitely starting to get wrinkles now, but they’re part of life.

whatisthisinhere · 02/05/2022 22:05

And my face disappears without eyebrow mascara thing from Bobby Brown, Channel mascara, Bobbi Brown lipstick, and blusher. Add a bit of tinted moisturiser if I'm looking a bit peaky. If I don't go to the hairdresser regularly I can look a bit untidy

Fairislefandango · 02/05/2022 22:07

There was an almost identical thread a few days ago. Yes, it's shallow. Society may try and tell you that the most important thing about women is what they look like, but you don't have to actually fall for that crap, you know!

VintageGibbons · 02/05/2022 22:11

Build up other areas of your life so they have greater importance to you. Focus on being super fit and healthy, on being wise and kind and making a difference in the world, in whatever way suits you. You will still care - it's hard not to, but much less than if your life depends on the attention you get from your looks.

And look after your looks. Work out, take care of your skin, eat well etc. These things help.

TinyPuds · 02/05/2022 22:12

I’m 33 and know how you feel! I’ve noticed lately how my makeup is sitting in my wrinkles and generally how my skin has aged and doesn’t look as nice as it did a few years ago. I have terrible pigmentation on my cheekbones too that just looks horrible when I don’t wear makeup.

I used to have an ED and I used to be SO conscious of how I looked, I would think about it constantly. And now when I see photos of myself from that time I feel so sad about how much time I wasted feeling self conscious and worrying about how I looked instead of just enjoying my life.

Now with my skin concerns I know I’ll look back on myself in 10 years and think how crazy I’m being for worrying about it. And I think it’s something that’ll carry on in life as I get older (I’ll always look back and be annoyed that I ever worried about anything).

Just going to focus on making sure I drink plenty of water, exercise regularly and get to bed at a decent hour! That has always made my skin feel nicer.

Original poster
Fee40 · 02/05/2022 22:26

@50ShadesOfCatholic uncalled for really, I have already outlined that I feel terrible for people who due young. I would Also hate to leave my children, I think that is a different worry altogether imho

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Original poster
Fee40 · 02/05/2022 22:27

@blueshoes j Lo…Kim kardashian

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