Why does this bother me so much

[Fee40]

This is going to sound really shallow of me but I can’t stop thinking about how I will look when I’m old? I’m 36 and look ok but I honestly can’t come to terms with losing my looks? (I know it is better than the alternative and I feel so so awful for the people that die very young etc) I really want to get this nonsense out of my head. Surely if you was beautiful in your youth you will be when you are older? (Not saying that I’m beautiful) do looks really fade?

At the risk of sounding like a massive dick, I currently have secondary breast cancer and so will die within the next year or two (I'm 43 with a 6 and 10 year old). Please, please try and focus on living and loving and fun. I get that you feel worried about this, but honestly, it doesn't matter. I'd give anything to grow old and be a wrinkly granny!

MamaFirst · 02/05/2022 20:53
Ugh. So shallow. There are literally a hundred things more interesting about you - now - than the way you look. It's so vain and empty. Pathetic. Get a hobby.

Maybe mama first you should get kindness and empathy. Lots of women feel this way. Just cos you don't it doesn't mean that they are pathetic. Infact someone who bullies those who feel insecure are infinitely more pathetic

I'm nearly 62 op.
I was attractive as a younger woman.
Whilst I hate saying it, I'm still attractive but an attractive 62 year old.
I have a good hairdresser and dentist, enjoy a pedicure and manicure (never ever gels or those spiky talons). I dress simply and classically. I wear make-up every day.

At 25 I may have been attractive but I wasn't a mother or a wife. At 36 I was getting there. At 40 I was so happy to have two lovely children, far happier than at 30.

At 50, the children were growing and HRT sorted me out. I became a director in my 50s and was and am happy with my professional life.
Still working at 60, soon to become a MIL; hope to be a grandmother. Still capable of driving to the Med with my foot down and the sun in my hair, of smelling the change in the air beyond the centre of France.

My mother is nearly 86. She gave up her leather trousers and heels at 84! She still has a manicure every two weeks.

@Jellybellyjiggle I’m so so sorry honestly. I can’t bare to think what you are going through, you are so strong

the more you stress about it, the more wrinkles you'll give yourself.
personally I think it's really shallow to be so obsessed with how you look.

Ugh. So shallow. There are literally a hundred things more interesting about you - now - than the way you look. It's so vain and empty. Pathetic.

there probably aren't😂

Sorry if this has already been said, OP, but I think it's worth considering the words of Caitlin Moran, ie, 'are the men worrying about this?'
They aren't are they, and why? because they are not raised as if their appearance was the most important thing about them. There are a million things about you more important than how you look and as others have said, giving up worrying about it is incredibly liberating.

This is an insight into the transient nature of life. We all age, lose health, and die. Congratulations, it's the beginning of taking the path to enlightenment! 😁

I would advise to sit with the feelings. What is it you are mourning? Be really specific. Keep asking questions, gently. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel.

I think the problem is more arguing with yourself. You feel this, so just feel it! If you stop telling yourself NOT to feel it, making up stories about whether this makes you a good or bad person, you'll keep getting stuck in a loop.

It's okay to be shallow, to miss youth, to worry about the future ...

Did you post this last week OP?

You have a very distinct look.
Quirky, characterful looking people usually retain their persona at any age.

@FabFitFifties no? Was there a similar post?

I've always looked older than my age. I'm tall and have a confident walk, which makes me seem competent and grown up. Sometimes I look rough as fuck. Sometimes I look great.
My going out friends are all younger than me, which could make me feel insecure. But they all want my figure. But it doesn't actually matter, becauseI'm not out to attract a man. Because let's face it, as much as we say:"but I just want to look good for ME", would we even care if we hadn't been raised to see looks equating to sexual worth?

Once upon a time, having my tits defying gravity was a sure fire way of pulling. These days, they barely even fill a bra (thanks dc). But would I want a bloke today who only valued my lovely, bouncy boobs? I would not.

It happens to everyone but your body and looks should be the least impressive thing about you. All the people I think are really attractive are because their personalities are the bomb or they are so good at what they do and confident. I actually think the youth of today have never been more unattractive- shallow, stupid, insecure and empty. It’s sad but true

Yep. She definitely has, I recognise the face.

😂 You posted a photo.

I would rather be wise than shallow. Knowing infant-school levels of wisdom, such as when to use the word was or the word were. Such as "Surely if you were beautiful in your youth..." not "Surely if you was beautiful in your youth...". But of course, that is me being shallow!

Sure, I love the dear silver
That shines in your hair,
And the brow that's all furrowed,
And wrinkled with care.
I kiss the dear fingers,
So toil-worn for me,
Oh, God bless you and keep you,
Mother Machree.

True. It's possible to be old and dumb all at the same time.

I’m 36, I see photos of myself on my 20s and can’t believe I hated what I looked like then. I’ve aged rapidly over the past few years and hate what I see in the mirror, it shocks me every time

woodenwindchimes · 02/05/2022 21:12
I've worked to maintain my looks. I'm 42 and look great.

You made me smile with I could go on and on about exactly what I do but you need to find what works for you and then did exactly that; on and on and on. Funny 😂

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno I think I love you. All teenage girls should read your comment 💜

I agree with what other posters have said. But when the time comes take HRT.

Sorry to break this to you but looks do fade as you get older.

💯 this