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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about getting older

27 replies

Helen19912 · 15/04/2022 18:06

I feel so rubbish right now and maybe feeling a little depressed. For some reason I keep thinking that my DH will leave me for another woman because my looks will fade, I have suffered with PND since my second child and feel that my looks is all i have and when that goes he will trade me in for a younger model? Does this bother anybody?

OP posts:
Echobelly · 15/04/2022 18:10

It does sound like you might be a bit depressed. Has your DH given you any reason to believe that you looking young is important to him (in which case he can do one, frankly)? Is there some incident in your family about a husband leaving his wife for a younger woman that might be making you worry about this? Or is it out of the blue?

Original poster
Helen19912 · 15/04/2022 18:13

Yes my uncle left my Aunt for a younger woman and it destroyed my Aunt, it terrifies me as I couldn’t possibly complete with somebody in their 20’s now that I am early 30’s

OP posts:
saveforthat · 15/04/2022 18:15

What makes you think a younger woman would want him?

Original poster
Helen19912 · 15/04/2022 18:21

I think because he is quite funny and charming, he is also successful? Don’t you get women love older, married men generally?

OP posts:
Original poster
Helen19912 · 15/04/2022 18:21

Don’t youNger**

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 15/04/2022 18:22

Sorry you are feeling like this OP Flowers. Marriage is in sickness & health, I have been married nearly 28 yrs, I have a chronic illness/disability, although on a good day most people passing me in the street may not realise, the point I am trying to make is, circumstances change over the years, try not to worry, I am sure your DH loves you for much more than your looks, beauty is only skin deep.

Imonlyhereforalaugh · 15/04/2022 18:24

I'm gonna be that poster. My sister died when she was 37. I'm 42 and happy to be alive TBH.

If your husband leaves the mother of his children for a younger model because of aging, then it is not a reflection on you. Your uncle was a dick.

Imonlyhereforalaugh · 15/04/2022 18:25

And also, look at Charles and Camila. He had the beautiful younger wife and ditched her for the less conventionally attractive older woman.

TheBatKeeper · 15/04/2022 18:28

Old age is a privilege denied to many.

I have had three brushes with cancer, two serious, different cancers and I am in heart failure.

I am grateful for every year that I get.

EatsQuorn · 15/04/2022 18:30

Is he worried you will leave him for a younger man ?
If you to through life worrying about the what ifs , you will never be happy.
Don't cross the road , don't let your teenagers ever learn to drive , don't climb a mountain , don't get on a plane ......... Do you see if your worried about the what ifs , life would be poor.

DoggoInMyTesla · 15/04/2022 18:35

I feel quite sad reading that you feel your looks are all you have. You are so much more than what you look like. Are you getting help for your PND? Does your husband make you feel this way or is it your own thoughts?

Original poster
Helen19912 · 15/04/2022 18:36

It really is just my own fears,

OP posts:
Roseglen84 · 15/04/2022 18:38

OP you are only in your 30's? I thought you were going to be much older talking like that.

Unfortunately, this is what our society does to women, tells us that our value is solely in looking young and attractive. It's corrosive.

DoggoInMyTesla · 15/04/2022 18:38

It really is just my own fears,

Are you getting help for your PND?

Moonface123 · 15/04/2022 18:46

Maybe try turning it around as in its a priverledge for him to have you in his life, instead of victim mentality thinking. Put more value on yourself, his opinion of you doesn't define who you are, its what you say about you that matters. Act and think like a high value woman, you' ll get treated like a high value woman, where as act and think like a doormat, you get treated like one.

saveforthat · 15/04/2022 18:49

@Moonface has said it perfectly

Helen19912 · 15/04/2022 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BooseysMom · 15/04/2022 19:10

I'm sorry but if you are in your early 30s you shouldn't even be worrying about this. I'm 50 and my looks are definitely failing but short of getting botox, there's not alot anyone can do about the ageing process. Either grow old gracefully or disgracefully and stuff what anyone thinks!!

ImplementingTheDennisSystem · 15/04/2022 19:20

The thought has never crossed my mind. I'm with a sensible man who wouldn't have his head turned by a 25 year old. He hates botox and so on and admires older ladies who are elegant and comfortable in their own skin.
The only thing that I'm frightened of is him dying and me being left alone (We don't have kids, not that I necessarily think thats always the safety net people think it is).

Original poster
Helen19912 · 15/04/2022 21:06

Maybe I need to focus on my self esteem more than anything

OP posts:
Original poster
Helen19912 · 15/04/2022 22:05

@EatsQuorn yes I suppose you are right. No point in worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet

OP posts:
glinner4prez · 15/04/2022 22:29

Are those photos of you? You haven't got wrinkles. Also that fixed grin is a bit scary.

5128gap · 15/04/2022 22:59

If it helps OP, I'm 52 and still going very strong looks wise. If I had a DP my own age (which I don't, he's much younger) the last thing I'd worry about was him leaving me for a younger model. The vast majority of men my age would have zero chance getting a younger woman, as contrary to popular belief, they tend to age much less well than we do. Imo any worry on that score should be the other way round, as in your 50s you are very likely to have way more energy, zest for life and youthfulness than him, and probably no shortage of other male interest either.
It also goes without saying that any partner worth having, either man or woman, should not look elsewhere as you age, so even if it does happen, you've lost nothing.

Pugdogmom · 15/04/2022 23:20

I am 58, my husband is 52. We are married 25 years next year. Am aging not too badly for a 58 year old. Obviously I have wrinkles, crows feet and saggy bits, but after 3 kids, who doesn't.
I haven't had Botox or any age defying treatment. I get my hair done regularly, paint my nails, and wear makeup. But I do that for ME, not because I am concerned that DH will leave me. He's just as happy and loves me just as much if I am sloping around in pj's, hair tied up with zero makeup on. Because he loves me just as I am, and I love him.
Nobody would put up with my DH apart from me anyway xx

Chely · 15/04/2022 23:24

Nah, until death do us part. That fucker ain't getting out alive.