Why does this bother me so much

[Fee40]

This is going to sound really shallow of me but I can’t stop thinking about how I will look when I’m old? I’m 36 and look ok but I honestly can’t come to terms with losing my looks? (I know it is better than the alternative and I feel so so awful for the people that die very young etc) I really want to get this nonsense out of my head. Surely if you was beautiful in your youth you will be when you are older? (Not saying that I’m beautiful) do looks really fade?

The things I'd consider are:

Why is what you look like more important to you than wisdom and experience?

Why aren't you living in the moment.

Whose are the important questions. As Judge Judy says, beauty fades, dumb is forever.

Oh Honey, thats why God invented botox/fillers 😊

It doesn't sound shallow at all, I think it's completely normal! I'm 30 and I'm noticing lines and wrinkles and it's devastating (yes very dramatic wording but I'm quite self conscious as it is)

I don't give a shit what I look like, I don't have to look at myself, if I'm ugly it sounds like a problem that others have to deal with 🤷🏻‍♀️

Age is a privilege that too few get to enjoy so why waste time worrying about the superficial?

it bothers me so much, I know I’ll never be this young again but I’m so sad I’ll never be as attractive as I was in my 20’s. Then I hate myself for not being grateful I made it to this age! 😩

I quite like seeing the changes in my face as I age. It doesn't bother me having a few lines and wrinkles. It's showed I've lived!! I think with age comes confidence, accepting yourself for who you are and not really caring what others think. It's very liberating really! I've accepted I'll never be my 'ideal' weight but I exercise and eat healthily. I do take care of my skin and enjoy using products but I'd never have plastic surgery or cosmetic tweaks. You'll always be the same person inside, that's what the important people will see.

My mum was like you, so obsessed and fretful about aging when I was growing up and so concerned about the male gaze. It made me determined not to be the same, because I could clearly see how stupid it was. Who cares if some fat old golf club bore thinks you look good?

My mum is proper old now ( in her 80s) - she actually looks pretty fab because she is fit and active but of course she looks like an old lady - because she is. So what a waste of time and money trying to stop time. I am in my 50s and don’t give a shit. I absolutely love exercise so I am fit a strong and my family and friends love me, that matters, not whether a randomer thinks I look hot or young (which I don’t).

I'm seeing it as a challenge. Good facial skincare routine, exercise, and good eating and generally healthy eating to just look and feel as good as possible.

One of the great things about getting older is that you learn not to give a shit what you look like. I mean, I like it when I make an effort and DH says "You look nice", and also I can eg. get a good haircut and feel good, but equally some days I can throw any old non-matching clothes on and really not care. It's very liberating. And no, fillers and botox aren't the answer, not for me. My laughter lines make me look attractive, much more so than if I had an immobile puffy face. Getting old is inevitable - might as well enjoy it. Have confidence that you will look attractive with the wisdom of your age, rather than the clear skin of your youth.

Ugh. So shallow. There are literally a hundred things more interesting about you - now - than the way you look. It's so vain and empty. Pathetic. Get a hobby.

I have been feeling a little like this recently. I have just turned 40, have never really looked my age. I have noticed wrinkles which make me look like I'm frowning. I never frown and love being happy and bubbly.
I am tempted by Botox but not sure 🤔

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look nice and feel nice about how you look.

However equating looking nice with looking young is the main problem that is so prevalent.

Im 44. I look nice some days, some days I don’t, but none of that is about whether I look older or younger than my actual age.

Worrying about aging is the most pointless thing to worry about - it’s inevitable or you die.

YABU for comparing dying really young to losing your looks! 🙄

Didn’t we have this exact thread a couple of weeks ago?

We are sold an insidious message by the media. It seeps into our subconscious and gives us a very skewed picture that is far from reality.

I've been following the work of an artist named Kat Shaw and found that with minimal effort, seeing beautiful images of ordinary women of all shapes and sizes that her work depicts has replaced a lot of those media images in my mind with something more real, more varied and more beautiful and healthy.

Some people have commented that you're being shallow, but adding on a layer of guilt to how you're feeling is not the answer. You feel how you feel and if you'd been brought up in a different part of the world with different beauty standards, you'd feel differently again. To a large extent, it can't be helped, but it can be noticed and changed.

I would say explore what it feels like to be in your body. What do you enjoy doing? When do you feel strong and powerful? Appreciate yourself for what it can do.
And find some wider representations of what is attractive in a woman. Do you have older friend's that you admire? How would it feel to not give a fuck and float through life so in the moment that you've no time to think about looks?

Even in terms of appearance, beauty is about more than whether you have the odd line or two; Maybe you have a smile that lights up your eyes or a pretty nose or chin. I personally think most
people who have had fillers and face lifts look ridiculously artificial. I am in my late 50s and have some lines but I wouldn’t want to look like a Barbie doll.

Well you can spend the rest of your life being miserable that you're losing your looks and spend loads of time and money trying desperately to hold onto them or you can just embrace it and enjoy your life. Spend less time looking in the mirror and more time doing memorable things is my advice.

I've worked to maintain my looks. I'm 42 and look great. I could go on and on about exactly what I do but you need to find what works for you.

Look at supplements, I take a good few

Ensure a healthful diet. This is huge!

Plenty of water

Good skincare, do not scrimp. It's worth the money. There's also many natural things that are cheap and very effective.

Great attitude, outlook on life, he happy and confident! Embrace aging, and ease into your age and look appropriate for your age.

Good clothes that suit you. Not what's fashionable. What makes YOU specifically look good.

Good makeup in the right places. So I don't use foundation under my eyes for example.

No stress! It ages you no end.

KNOW you look good and others will too.

Full eyebrows are a sign of youth.

Follow influencers on social media your age and emulate them.

I never expect to lose my looks.

Don't worry about it too much. Leave that until the menopause when you can literally see yourself age in the mirror!! If you really are getting worried then get yourself a good retinoid and aesthetician. And smile and be kind. Being happy and being a good person is far more an enduring attractive quality than smooth skin and full lips.

Have a look at all the older women in your life. I bet, in the main, you like, respect and hold them in high regard.

It's possible to have both.

The thing is everybody ages. It's not like you're going to be a wrinkled prune while everyone else stays a plum, all of your friends are going to age at the same rate. Try to always consider the person not the package and don't rely on your looks for other people's approval and goodwill. If you think in a shallow way you may find yourself surrounded by shallow people.

Having said that, don't smoke, don't drink too much and use sunscreen as part of your daily routine. I'm in my 50s and other women sometimes ask about my skincare because my skin is great for my age (unfortunately for them it's mostly due to staying out of the sun in my 20s and 30s). Keep your weight stable, don't yo-yo, to avoid sagging in your body (I haven't done well on that front unfortunately).

I find I look better now at 37 than I ever did in my 20s. You may not 'lose your looks' but grow into them even more

If it's any consolation, I felt the same at your age and now I'm too busy busy and knackered to give a shit how crap I look

I'm in my 50's and have never been fitter (through strength training and gym 5 x a week plus good diet) I love seeing myself in the mirror because I look fit, strong and still very pretty, so yes you are being unreasonable. Age is no barrier to attractiveness. Age brings confidence.