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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think Mumsnet doesnt deserve its reputation

113 replies

pebimo6 · 02/05/2022 09:29

Used to post on the feminism board here a few years ago but moved on.

Was reading a thread just about Mumsnet and I think more specifically about aibu. Thought I'd check in again and can't really find any of the silly threads, all seems boringly normal

To think Mumsnet doesnt deserve its reputation
To think Mumsnet doesnt deserve its reputation
To think Mumsnet doesnt deserve its reputation
OP posts:
Echobelly · 02/08/2022 22:25

Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. But people love to characterise mums and stupid, vapid, Conservative, judgemental, pearl-clutching, middle class in the worst sense - so they go for threads that reinforce that.

They don't see how funny the women here can be, women being open-minded, how supportive they can be when a woman is in crisis and so on, because that doesn't fit their narrative.

HopelesslyWanderingStar · 02/08/2022 22:29

I mean, if you don’t like the site you know you can just piss off right?

UWhatNow · 02/08/2022 22:35

growinggreyer · 02/05/2022 13:01

Oh no, are women demanding rights again? And on the internet of all places. For the very shame of it.

Not even ‘demanding’ rights. Just expecting the rights we should legally have to be upheld!

But nah - all the cool girls just write it off as “the JKR Twitter wars stuff, which is easily swerved”

God bless JKR and those feminists who are publicly fighting, losing their jobs, their safety and their professional reputations for the sake of upholding hard-won womens rights and dignities. It’s already at a tipping point - if it was left to the ‘easily swerved’ thicko arseholes we’d be lost.

HopelesslyWanderingStar · 02/08/2022 22:46

I have to say I find the feminism board very refreshing and it’s a joy to be on a forum which is mainly populated by women, not all of course but that’s ok too

Jibberstanley · 02/08/2022 22:57

Want to see for yourself why mn’s sex and gender board has a reputation for transphobia?

Go read this thread:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4603266-diversity-training-at-work-from-a-trans-woman

And bear in mind it’s about a named trans person, doing their job, and includes name, company, and a link to the website.

It’s running right now, and it’s totally typical of threads on that board.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 03/08/2022 00:40

I have to say I find the feminism board very refreshing and it’s a joy to be on a forum which is mainly populated by women

It really is.

sst1234 · 03/08/2022 00:56

Well it is a tad surreal in general. Just some of MNisms:

There is no mother in law, not a single one in the land, who is not a witch. The worst ones AFE those who give your child a sip of squash or dare want to have your child to stay overnight. I mean the outrage is just seething.

MNers will save the planet by using bamboo toothbrushes.

Every SAHM is ‘facilitating’ her husband’s career. I mean he couldn’t possibly do his job if she didn’t martyr herself by staying at home - not working. He would crumble to bits and cease to function as a human being and as an employee.

MNers will save the planet by taking one less journey into town every week.

Every second thread is about ‘how could anyone vote Tory’. All this wide eyed dismay and faux outrage as though it was 13 million unicorns rather than normal people who voted Tory in 2019.

Did I mention that MNers will save the planet by shopping at the local artisan bakery and local greengrocer rather than the big Asda.

SallyLockheart · 03/08/2022 06:17

Ereshkigalangcleg · 03/08/2022 00:40

I have to say I find the feminism board very refreshing and it’s a joy to be on a forum which is mainly populated by women

It really is.

Agree if you care about women’s rights, it’s a joy and enlightening

SolasAnla · 03/08/2022 07:05

Jibberstanley · 02/08/2022 22:57

Want to see for yourself why mn’s sex and gender board has a reputation for transphobia?

Go read this thread:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4603266-diversity-training-at-work-from-a-trans-woman

And bear in mind it’s about a named trans person, doing their job, and includes name, company, and a link to the website.

It’s running right now, and it’s totally typical of threads on that board.

@Jibberstanley
So whats your opinion on a the idea that a homosexual female wants to have a sexual relationship with a male?

What should an adult with care responsibilty for a young lesbian say if asked about that?

How about the idea that bisexuality is about being sexually attracted to humans who are not female or are not male?

When people sell consultancy and training others are are allowed to do the product review based on marketing materials.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 03/08/2022 07:11

Jibberstanley · 02/08/2022 22:57

Want to see for yourself why mn’s sex and gender board has a reputation for transphobia?

Go read this thread:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4603266-diversity-training-at-work-from-a-trans-woman

And bear in mind it’s about a named trans person, doing their job, and includes name, company, and a link to the website.

It’s running right now, and it’s totally typical of threads on that board.

She continues to fight for reasonable, cost-effective, adjustments such as gender-neutral toilets.

Maybe it's job but that quote above would be a straight no from me. I don't agree with gender neutral toilets, there's disabled for that. It's not transphobic to not want to be lectured on something you don't agree with. I wouldn't want to sit through that either.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 03/08/2022 07:12

HopelesslyWanderingStar · 02/08/2022 22:46

I have to say I find the feminism board very refreshing and it’s a joy to be on a forum which is mainly populated by women, not all of course but that’s ok too

I agree

WorkshyHorsefly · 03/08/2022 07:54

This reply has been deleted

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Diverseopinions · 03/08/2022 08:52

I think that Mumsnet tends to attract highly-educated, professional women - as well as all the other examples of women, including those who earn a moderate salary or who don't work. I think that the former - upper middle class women - possible wouldn't normally bother with a mainstream forum, as they'd see their own perspective as rarified and might want to avoid some of the exaggerated emotions and bile which tend to appear on some forums, but they think they will find their own 'tribe' ( as they annoyingly like to express it) on Mumsnet. When I say bile, I am thinking of community forums, such as Nextdoor, on which posters tend to take photos of people littering and post expletive- laden rants in order to signal their own relative respectability. Mumsnet has some irritating dog-whistle posts, from time to time, in which poster write about the size and quality of their inherited engagement ring, to signal to other members of the modern day gentry that they are of the right sort. I think there is a wish, at times, for posters to identify which anonymous posters have a similar lived experience to their own. Then, you get posters who are inexperienced, I think, and who literally think that Mumsnet is a forum where they can gain information about privileged problems, such as will you be given your six figure bonus, during these difficult economic times. Another example would be posters asking for advice on where in London to buy a four bedroom home if you have £900 k to spend, as if Mumsnet actually.is a forum for high-earners. On these threads you will find some posters slipping into derogatory references to Woolwich, ( which is near me).and other perfectly nice places to live.

But the premise of Mumsnet, that you post anonymously on a forum about child raising, seems to me, in a way, to be tailored to a population of mums, for whom work and achieving professionally has been the priority since uni, and maybe they are more dislocated from people in the community who might otherwise give that advice - due to working long hours, etc. Also, because of their education, they tend to.read up on scholarly papers to learn things, rather than using common sense. I was thinking of a post about leaving your kids while you study abroad for a few months, and someone asking if anyone had read the latest expert research on harm done by leaving your young kids for a few months, as if everything can be clarified by PhD dissertations.

However, Mumsnet is a useful forum for gaining information which you'd normally need to pay a lawyer to tell you, and posters are usually helpful and broad-thinking. Also, well-off people are often well-educated and probably clever, so having such people contribute to a forum is obviously going to be helpful - at times, anyway. Usually responses are geared to taking into account that people reading and learning and being supported will have a range of experiences. The money-saving posts are helpful.

Generally, I think Mumsnet represents a.broad range of experience and views and is, overall, helpful rather than negative. I do, however, think that posters who suggest an unconscious racial bias, probably need to.be.listened to, as they probably have good points to make, and certainly are putting forward evidence of comments which ought to have been challenged, balanced by a comment by a moderator or, perhaps, closed.down. But maybe MN is a place for people to learn and develop and challenge their own ways of thinking.

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