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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Mumsnet doesnt deserve its reputation

113 replies

pebimo6 · 02/05/2022 09:29

Used to post on the feminism board here a few years ago but moved on.

Was reading a thread just about Mumsnet and I think more specifically about aibu. Thought I'd check in again and can't really find any of the silly threads, all seems boringly normal

To think Mumsnet doesnt deserve its reputation
To think Mumsnet doesnt deserve its reputation
To think Mumsnet doesnt deserve its reputation
OP posts:
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 02/05/2022 12:31

NB. I DGAF that MN bizarrely calls them 'Chavvy (ugh, hate that word!) sex points.

I bloody well love hot tubs.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 02/05/2022 12:31

Sex PONDS, that should have red. Not 'points' 🤐

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 02/05/2022 12:32

READ*. I give up. Stupid small phone keypads ...

JanisMoplin · 02/05/2022 12:32

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 02/05/2022 12:23

And then someone always comes along saying, wide-eyed, 'WHERE is there transphobia? You should get that reported, it's not allowed, I NEVER see it here!

That depends how you define 'transphobia'. If there are suggestions that trans people should be fired from their jobs for being trans, or of mocking them and ridiculing their choice of external presentation, or suggesting they deserve the abuse and censure they receive (generally at the hands of men), or of 'outing' them against their will, I'd agree that all these are indeed transphobic and that MN would be wrong to provide a channel for the exchange of such views (just as much as another forum-which-can't-be-named for their inclusion of red pill material).

If your interpretation extends to include discussion of what happens when the rights of two groups conflict (or even acknowledging that there are times they do conflict), or fears that a particularly vociferous group of male rights activists are hitching to the trans wagon for nefarious reasons, or concerns that a rape victim can't get a single sex support group in a crisis centre (albeit there are separate provisions made for trans people; it's only natal women who can't claim this place of safety), or that women are losing out in sporting categories to male-bodied people with all the physical advantage that brings - then granted, yes. You'll see 'transphobia' everywhere.

The era of #NoDebate has passed. People do have a right to discuss these issues.

Well said. I don't post much on the FWR boards because I mostly lurk, but try discussing these conflicting rights anywhere else and immediately people start shouting you down with "TERF".

TheKeatingFive · 02/05/2022 12:38

I love a sex pond. And always get a kick out of the snobbish outrage about them on here 😆

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 02/05/2022 12:39

I enjoy the site.

i don’t u set stand it’s reputation as used by predominantly middle class women. Im not from the UK and find the huge number of posts about food banks, lack
of affordability and general poverty so many endure horrifying. Only fur MN I would not have been aware of the vast number of working people who are trying to live on the minimum amount. It’ makes for very sad reading at times.

i get great advice and many diverse opinions here. It’s a very interesting and well run site.

Original poster
pebimo6 · 02/05/2022 12:39

Sorry can you link to that thread? I can't find it on aibu? What is the title

OP posts:
Original poster
pebimo6 · 02/05/2022 12:40

I don't think the quote worked, the green energy one

OP posts:
Deadringer · 02/05/2022 12:49

I am not British or middle class or well educated, I am from a relatively poor background and am a sahp on a low income. I don't fit the demographic at all but I love mumsnet, yes there are lots of awful threads about super cleanliness, ridiculous pfbs and competitive under eating, but there is so much intelligence, wit, kindness, and support once you learn to wade past the nonsense.

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 02/05/2022 12:53

VladmirsPoutine · 02/05/2022 12:24

I think it's a good online space for women/parents to generally chat about important and irreverent things. Having said that I know that I'm not really the target demographic so there are certain topics which I know I will not agree with at all but I can't help that. It's my choice to be here and continue to browse. I do understand some of the criticism around it, though.

You are absolutely the demographic!!

The old reputation of being for a certain type is no longer the case ;if it ever was).

There are more like you on this site than the people you describe. The diversity is what makes the site what it is!!

Pyewhacket · 02/05/2022 12:54

*I think it's a bit of a weird place to be honest.

There's a few wise posters but by and large I find a lot of hypocritical shrieking of the same tired old guff.

You can tell from an opening post exactly how it's going to go and what the responses are bound to be, which is rarely how any normal person would behave in real life.

However the blatantly inane advice does have entertainment value*

Agree with this.

ExtraOnion · 02/05/2022 12:55

I find the speed with which people say “LTB” surprising at times … over fairly trivial things.

Crikeyalmighty · 02/05/2022 12:56

I find it a fascinating place, a total mix of posh Arabella types, people in the middle and others struggling on £15 a week for food. Hence you get threads discussing which private schools are best alongside some lovely single mums trying to get rid of complete cocklodging losers .

Rubyroseyposey · 02/05/2022 12:56

I avoid the feminism threads. It just isn't what I'm looking to engage in which is a shame, but not for me.

Rubyroseyposey · 02/05/2022 12:58

Pyewhacket · 02/05/2022 12:54

*I think it's a bit of a weird place to be honest.

There's a few wise posters but by and large I find a lot of hypocritical shrieking of the same tired old guff.

You can tell from an opening post exactly how it's going to go and what the responses are bound to be, which is rarely how any normal person would behave in real life.

However the blatantly inane advice does have entertainment value*

Agree with this.

I also agree.

Plus the classics thread is hilarious 🤣

MayorDusty · 02/05/2022 12:59

I'd agree that the users now are very much different to the ones tattle implies.
It did used to be dominated by wealthier types with a certain idea of life but over the years and despite itself I think it's probably one of the most balanced sites.

(That's my excuse for breaking my SM rule anyway)

growinggreyer · 02/05/2022 13:01

Oh no, are women demanding rights again? And on the internet of all places. For the very shame of it.

VladmirsPoutine · 02/05/2022 13:02

@Youcansaythatagainandagain I agree the site has definitely become a lot more diverse. But I always have a stock phrase I write on certain threads: "You wouldn't join a vegan forum to extol the virtues of a bacon sandwich" in other words I know there is always going to be a very different view taken by the majority demographic on here so I accept it for what it is. But alas, I'm here because I love the threads where women will talk about their VERY IMPORTANT dh's hobbies and jobs Grin

RosesandMoonshine · 02/05/2022 13:03

I am always surprised that nobody i bump into or meet irl ever seems to have heard of MN. I've been on and off here forever so it does puzzle me Grin

In terms of 'reputation', sadly I have only ever heard insults or 'madhouse' references.

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 02/05/2022 13:05

VladmirsPoutine · 02/05/2022 13:02

@Youcansaythatagainandagain I agree the site has definitely become a lot more diverse. But I always have a stock phrase I write on certain threads: "You wouldn't join a vegan forum to extol the virtues of a bacon sandwich" in other words I know there is always going to be a very different view taken by the majority demographic on here so I accept it for what it is. But alas, I'm here because I love the threads where women will talk about their VERY IMPORTANT dh's hobbies and jobs Grin

Please do write your opinion though. It’ may make readers see from a different perspective and you may find many nodding along in agreement to your posts too and writing posts in solidarity.

CorsicaDreaming · 02/05/2022 13:06

@worraliberty

Farming tortoises in Bolton 😂

Love it!

OrangutanLibrarian · 02/05/2022 13:06

And Tattle and the people who use tattle definitely deserve their reputation.

Bunty55 · 02/05/2022 13:10

Deadringer
I agree with you. I don't think I fit into anybody's demographic. I'm older and have lived a life so cleanliness in the home threads leave me cold.. too much living going on out there to be bothered about what is acceptable and what is not...
The silly threads where somebody ate the children's Easter Eggs. What does the poster want from the responses I wonder? To brandish the thread in front of the offending dad ??

The kindness offered to me on here beats real life hands down and the help and advice I have received is heartwarming.

endofthelinefinally · 02/05/2022 13:19

MN is a huge site. It isn't reasonable to generalise IMO. The bereavement board absolutely saved my mental health when my son died and still provides a source of support. I joined another online group, but there is no comparison tbh.
The relationships board has helped lots of women escape abusive, dangerous relationships. I read some statistics here a few weeks ago and I am sure it was thousands.
The health boards are also excellent.
It all depends what you are looking for and what you read.
It is perfectly easy to avoid the bits you don't like. IMO it is more important to have a space where women can speak fairly freely and get information and support, than to police and censor so that nobody is offended.

SpindleInTheWind · 02/05/2022 13:21

JenniferBarkley · 02/05/2022 10:17

And I think they think that's clever.

Show quote history

Not really. I think it's more about grey rocking obvious sea lions