To think Mumsnet doesnt deserve its reputation

[pebimo6]

Used to post on the feminism board here a few years ago but moved on.

Was reading a thread just about Mumsnet and I think more specifically about aibu. Thought I'd check in again and can't really find any of the silly threads, all seems boringly normal

I notice that other forums are way more concerned with what's happening on MN than MN cares about what's happening on them.

I see MN criticised a lot on Twitter, and often I think there is quite a bit of ageism and sexism behind that. A lot of arrogant young men who think there is something wrong in being a mum. However, I am drifting towards GC feminism and think JK talks a lot of sense; others can call that transphobic if they like.

I have never understood why MN is considered middle class, I find it very much not the case. Lower-middle at a push, the language used by majority of regular posters is a dead giveaway.

Personally, I love reading the MC threads. The blissful ignorance I read always cheers me up. I may be poor, but I'm not thick.

I see MN criticised a lot on Twitter, and often I think there is quite a bit of ageism and sexism behind that.

Absolutely, nothing worse than a woman of a certain age having an opinion.

As for the trans discussion, I have seen the very occasional anti-trans comment on here, but very occasional. Unless you're of the view that stating you can't change sex is anti-trans, in which case god help us.

I agree with you re JKR @JanisMoplin - her essay seems very carefully thought out and informed to me...

Bless, you have not ventured very far on reddit if you 'like the rest of reddit'. All of reddit?

What adds to MN's batshit reputation is the fact people can name change as often as they want (something a lot of other forums will ban you for). So people can basically 'be whoever they want' at any given time, to back their argument.

One minute they can be single and living a busy executive lifestyle in London, giving Russian Oligarchs a run for their money and the next, they're living in a tent and farming tortoises with their husband in Bolton.

MNHQ simply can't go through everyone's hidden history and ban the bullshit.

I always enjoy the following threads ...

Loo brush
Shoes on/off
Money as wedding presents
Anything regarding hot tubs

sadly they are not as plentiful or bitterly contested as they used to be 😂

What adds to MN's batshit reputation is the fact people can name change as often as they want (something a lot of other forums will ban you for). So people can basically 'be whoever they want' at any given time, to back their argument.

Yes I agree. I do think name changing should be kept though for privacy reasons. It's just something you need to bear in mind when you interact with anon people online.

Ok, “some other parts of Reddit”! I just meant I don’t have a problem with Reddit itself (which plenty of people do). There are obviously horrible parts of it, which are easy to avoid. Much like Facebook and Twitter.

The keeping horses thread was bonkers! But again, those threads are quite rare. The majority of threads are quite sensible and often even eye-opening, like the threads about Ukraine or other world affairs. The press never talk about those. Probably because it is assumed that mums do only two things: potty train and try to drum up hate against transpeople.

I think of mumsnet as an endless online garden fence - such a fence being, in my mother tongue, the classical site for women 'tattling', 'gossiping' etc, in short, engaging in conversation classified as trivial. For sexist reasons, obviously.

I find it fascinating because it's really the only place I know where women treat men with the same kind of off-hand dismissiveness that men very often apply to women, especially in professional contexts. Whereas on mn men are dismissed with regard to parenting and household skills.

It's an upside down world and full of evidence of how far we still are from anything approaching equality between women and men.

I always open those threads. Some other favourites of mine:

Paying to reserve seats on planes
Reclining seats on planes
People slurping, scoffing and chomping in cinemas.
A bride falling out with a bridesmaid
Unfairness of fast pass at theme parks.

Yeah they're all good.

Anything wedding related is usually gold

Yep.

I find it fascinating because it's really the only place I know where women treat men with the same kind of off-hand dismissiveness that men very often apply to women, especially in professional contexts. Whereas on mn men are dismissed with regard to parenting and household skills.

I don’t think it’s quite that (though I know what you mean) - it is women dismissing men trying tell them they are wrong about their parenting and household skills. Usually starts with “speaking as A Man”, or “Man here.”

Men do this all the time to women - “oh you must have imagined it/misunderstood, probably nothing like that happened at all and you are making it all up you silly girl”

And on MN, those men get told to piss off. They always seem very surprised by that.

That thread, trending now, about how outing and niche is your job, is like the 'What's it like to be traffic-stopping attractive?" and "Do you know anyone famous?" and what's it like to be seriously rich or married to a very rich man and with the fantasy life?' it's just a chance to circumvent the higher ethics of altruistic and anonymous supporting and to try to network with some elite people and stealth boast what kind of person you are.

It's hilarious. Shows how vain we all are. That and stealth boasting about beautiful teenage daughters ( mini versions of poster) and genius kids whose prodigious talents you're blase about.

I did not honestly think any forum that was predominantly female would produce so much essentially misandrist commentary. Naive me !!

I find most the threads here fairly banal, but I sometimes learn stuff. Worth a lurk.

Mumsnet Is a bizarre place at times, people can get very annoyed at the most trivial of things post on here and some posters end up even more annoyed than the op . It can also be a great place for support and advice on issues you may need help with . A SAHM thread is guaranteed to bring out the worst of mumsnet which in real life I've never ever seen .

Musmnet very much controls how it allows people to behave on here. Personal attacks for example are out of bounds but they wouldn't be able to list everything that's unreasonable or it would be too controlling

Human nature at its best.
There are some topics l refuse to participate in because of the aggresive bully like attitude towards those daring to have an alternative opinion, l would never want to come across these sick and twisted haters in real life.

I describe myself as GC but have had to hide the FWR boards because yes, there IS transphobia on there!

And then someone always comes along saying, wide-eyed, 'WHERE is there transphobia? You should get that reported, it's not allowed, I NEVER see it here!

That depends how you define 'transphobia'. If there are suggestions that trans people should be fired from their jobs for being trans, or of mocking them and ridiculing their choice of external presentation, or suggesting they deserve the abuse and censure they receive (generally at the hands of men), or of 'outing' them against their will, I'd agree that all these are indeed transphobic and that MN would be wrong to provide a channel for the exchange of such views (just as much as another forum-which-can't-be-named for their inclusion of red pill material).

If your interpretation extends to include discussion of what happens when the rights of two groups conflict (or even acknowledging that there are times they do conflict), or fears that a particularly vociferous group of male rights activists are hitching to the trans wagon for nefarious reasons, or concerns that a rape victim can't get a single sex support group in a crisis centre (albeit there are separate provisions made for trans people; it's only natal women who can't claim this place of safety), or that women are losing out in sporting categories to male-bodied people with all the physical advantage that brings - then granted, yes. You'll see 'transphobia' everywhere.

The era of #NoDebate has passed. People do have a right to discuss these issues.

I think it's a good online space for women/parents to generally chat about important and irreverent things. Having said that I know that I'm not really the target demographic so there are certain topics which I know I will not agree with at all but I can't help that. It's my choice to be here and continue to browse. I do understand some of the criticism around it, though.