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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Whose night is it tonight?

91 replies

Allthepettythings · 01/05/2022 19:24

Dp & I take it in turns to do DD’s, 3, bedtime each night. She’s often hard to get to sleep and we generally end up falling asleep next to her.
I did Wednesday and Dp did Thursday, we always alternate.
My parents had been staying with us for a visit and Friday was their last night, so I asked Dp if he could do it so I could spend the last night with them, just watching tv/chatting etc.
Because he did Friday night, I did last night.
Tonight he asks me who’s doing bedtime, but in a not nice way. I said he was as we swapped nights and he did Friday instead of Saturday, he went nuts and shouted that he’d done two nights in a row and it doesn’t work like that!
Bearing in mind I’ve swapped nights with him before if he wanted to go out or see a friend etc.
Ive ended up taking her up, but am lay here thinking how incredibly petty and mean he is. Dd is v difficult at the moment and I never get a break. Also he slept for 3 hours this afternoon.
Who’s in the right here? And does anyone else have a twatty partner/husband like this?

OP posts:
pooktline · 01/05/2022 19:26

He did 2 in a row so you should have done the same I think. It all sounds a bit silly though.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 01/05/2022 19:27

I would say his night as it should have been his if you had stuck to the pattern and you just swapped the last two. It sounds like you've got bigger things to worry about though by his overreaction.

Pumpkintopf · 01/05/2022 19:27

He did two nights Thursday and Friday as well didn't he as he swapped with you - do you think that's why he's being difficult, because he feels he's getting the rough end of the deal?
Sounds from your post that there's more to it than this though - is he generally petty and mean?

KaraVanPark · 01/05/2022 19:28

Does it matter who’s in the right or wrong your child is who’s important

Backtoreality1 · 01/05/2022 19:29

You should be doing Sunday based on your previous schedule - you swapped one night. However, you both need to grow up, talk to each other and find a new way to work together

user1471457751 · 01/05/2022 19:30

Given he did 2 in a row I would say it's your turn but unless you got to spend 3 hours doing whatever you wanted today while he looked after the DC, I think he should do it

Maydaysoonenough · 01/05/2022 19:31

Maybe communicate on how to get an easy routine in place? Putting a dc to bed shouldn't feel like a chore..

CherieBabySpliffUp · 01/05/2022 19:32

Actually it should have been your night if you had stuck to the plan so I'm now saying it should be you.

skippy67 · 01/05/2022 19:32

Backtoreality1 · 01/05/2022 19:29

You should be doing Sunday based on your previous schedule - you swapped one night. However, you both need to grow up, talk to each other and find a new way to work together

All of this.

startfresh · 01/05/2022 19:33

Sorry, I think he's right. It shouldn't disrupt the routine to swap days. He did you a favour and is asking for the same routine in return.

That's how we would work it.

litlealligator · 01/05/2022 19:34

Usually if I ask my partner to swap nights with me I make sure to arrange it so that I'm the one who ends up pulling a double shift, not him. It's only fair really.

RunnerDuck2020 · 01/05/2022 19:35

It all sounds a bit petty, but he’s already done two nights in a row so I can see why he doesn’t want to again. I would have thought it was your turn tonight, i.e. back to your original schedule.

BlueOverYellow · 01/05/2022 19:35

I think you need to calmly ask him why he became aggressive when he asked you who was putting your DC to bed and why he shouted when you said you thought it was his turn because you swapped nights. I'd also calmly point out that whenever you've swapped nights to accommodate his requests to go out with friends, etc, you've never asked him to do 2 nights in a row to 'make up for it' just because he did; you just carried on alternating.

Therealjudgejudy · 01/05/2022 19:37

This all sounds so immature and petty

Blarting · 01/05/2022 19:38

You need to start sleep training your 3 year old, ridiculous situation.

SugarySaskia · 01/05/2022 19:38

Why are you counting? It sounds like you two aren’t a functional couple if you’re squabbling about basic child care… maybe consider the impact all this pettiness has on your child and the behaviours they will learn.

HereLiveIAmNotACat · 01/05/2022 19:40

Crikey it’s sad how much both of you appear to loathe putting your child to bed! I hope she’s not within earshot of these arguments.

(possibly being biased as I’m a lone parent and do every single night..though quite happily..)

toastfiend · 01/05/2022 19:40

DH and I do this to a degree, but fairly loosely. If one person is busy or away, the other does the bedtime that day, and we generally "return the favour" in the respect that the person who missed a bedtime might do two bedtimes in a row when they're back, but we don't stick to it rigidly and we don't fall out about it.

I don't think it's going to work if you both treat it like a professional contract. She is both of your DC and, ultimately, it's part of parenting. I did 6 months of bedtimes by myself recently when DH was away but I'm not demanding that he does the next 6 months worth to repay me. I think you're both being a bit childish.

Maydaysoonenough · 01/05/2022 19:40

We always want to be the one to put our ds to bed. Have you sought help with dd? Maybe that would help.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 01/05/2022 19:43

The issue here isnt who puts the 3 year old to bed tonight.

there are two issues. The first is that he thinks he can speak to you so bloody rudely. The second the drama that is bedtime in your home. Bedtime needs sorting.

Hutchy16 · 01/05/2022 19:43

It’s your turn. You swapped nights not skipped a night, so your turn tonight as it would have been if you hadn’t swapped Friday/Saturday

you are the unreasonable one - but he shouldn’t have shouted

Figstar4eva · 01/05/2022 19:46

Sounds very petty and tiring. But you should have done tonight, he did you a favor in swapping so you should return the favor. I

pizzaand · 01/05/2022 19:46

It's your night according to your schedule, you just swapped fri and sat. I find it sad you have to swap though. Surely if one is busy, the other would just get on with it?

Have you sought help for her sleep? It sounds tough Flowers

twoandcooplease · 01/05/2022 19:52

If he's being an arse like this I would just do tonight to save the row and drama around dc and make it clear tomorrow is his

mrsm43s · 01/05/2022 19:53

It's your night, so you should do it.

You arranged a swap (so Friday for Saturday), not for him to do more and you to do less.

If you wanted him to do extra turns and you to do less, then that is what you should have asked for. What a shame you both see putting your daughter to bed as a chore:(

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