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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Whose night is it tonight?

91 replies

Allthepettythings · 01/05/2022 19:24

Dp & I take it in turns to do DD’s, 3, bedtime each night. She’s often hard to get to sleep and we generally end up falling asleep next to her.
I did Wednesday and Dp did Thursday, we always alternate.
My parents had been staying with us for a visit and Friday was their last night, so I asked Dp if he could do it so I could spend the last night with them, just watching tv/chatting etc.
Because he did Friday night, I did last night.
Tonight he asks me who’s doing bedtime, but in a not nice way. I said he was as we swapped nights and he did Friday instead of Saturday, he went nuts and shouted that he’d done two nights in a row and it doesn’t work like that!
Bearing in mind I’ve swapped nights with him before if he wanted to go out or see a friend etc.
Ive ended up taking her up, but am lay here thinking how incredibly petty and mean he is. Dd is v difficult at the moment and I never get a break. Also he slept for 3 hours this afternoon.
Who’s in the right here? And does anyone else have a twatty partner/husband like this?

OP posts:

LemonDrizzleSlice · 01/05/2022 22:25

CherieBabySpliffUp · 01/05/2022 19:27

I would say his night as it should have been his if you had stuck to the pattern and you just swapped the last two. It sounds like you've got bigger things to worry about though by his overreaction.

OP called him "twatty", which also seems like an overreaction.

OP, you sound as bad as each other.

Original poster

Allthepettythings · 01/05/2022 22:26

@PortalooSunset It’s not that hard. As I said, she’s going through a difficult phase at the moment, we’re both exhausted

OP posts:

Original poster

Allthepettythings · 01/05/2022 22:27

@LemonDrizzleSlice He was being twatty, there was no need to react like that at all.

OP posts:

mellicauli · 01/05/2022 22:35

When you were little and bed and didn't go to sleep, did you call down to your parents? I want a glass of water. What's happening tomorrow? I can't go to sleep? I heard a funny noise! Well, I did. And honestly, I was just playing with them, avoiding sleep, amusing myself by getting them running up and down the stairs. And your daughter is probably just playing with you too.

So rather than fighting with your husband about whose turn, you need to sort out the cause of your problem. She's not responding to nicey-nicey, so you need to move it up to firm but fair, I'm the boss here.

PortalooSunset · 01/05/2022 22:37

Why did you assume it was his night though when he'd done 2 on the bounce before last night?
I'm serious about the night nanny, it wasn't a piss take. If I could have afforded it when mine were small I absolutely would have. Not every night, maybe once a fortnight or something so you'd both know you had some free time.

Do you work? Is dd in nursery/preschool at all?

LovePoppy · 01/05/2022 23:09

Allthepettythings · 01/05/2022 20:57

@Everydayisabadhairday He hasn’t done 3 nights in a row though, I did last night

Ok, fair enough everyone, perhaps is my *Turn. Just the amount of times I’ve done it for him, without seeking payback, it was my parents ffs

We don’t hate putting Dd to bed, it’s just long days (she’s v hard work at the moment) so I suppose we just crave those few hours of peace to ourselves.
She obviously didn’t hear what he said

It should take hours to put her to bed if she has nothing going on medically

2ndTimeRound90 · 01/05/2022 23:12

We also do alternate nights for bedtimes and on Thurs this week I went out and met some friends so DH did bedtime even though it was my turn and he had done the Wed night before. I then 'paid back' by doing 2 nights in a row too on Fri and Sat and now we are back on alternate nights. This seemed like a no brainer to us, and didn't need any discussion. So in that case it should have been your turn tonight 🤷‍♀️

LemonDrizzleSlice · 01/05/2022 23:17

Allthepettythings · 01/05/2022 22:27

@LemonDrizzleSlice He was being twatty, there was no need to react like that at all.

TBH, you're sounding a bit "twatty" too.

PurpleFlower1983 · 01/05/2022 23:21

Definitely your night.

almondbran · 02/05/2022 00:07

It’s your night, he’s right

hellcatspanglelalala · 02/05/2022 00:53

marymaryquitecontrary820 · 01/05/2022 21:11

Is doing bedtime that bad? I couldn't imagine arguing over this.

It's not just bedtime though is it? It's giving up your entire evening to lie with a toddler who doesn't want to go to bed/stay in bed, and it's very wearing (been there, done that).

growandhope · 02/05/2022 01:51

I know it isn’t what you really asked but neither of you should have to be falling asleep beside your 3 year old (and thus giving up your entire night after probably working all day) that sounds extremely stressful and you are both understandably going to be frustrated with each other. I don’t think either of you are twatty or petty, it sounds like too much. You both have to push the situation where she can settle herself. If one of you goes up with her after pyjamas on, teeth brushed etc etc, tuck her in. What does she do if you say night love and leave the room?

Blarting · 02/05/2022 07:04

Allthepettythings · 01/05/2022 22:26

@PortalooSunset It’s not that hard. As I said, she’s going through a difficult phase at the moment, we’re both exhausted

It sounds incredibly hard and ongoing, especially as you say "the amount of times" you've covered for him.

Honestly, get the bed time sorted to half an hour of reading story, settling in bed and it will all be better.

Original poster

Allthepettythings · 02/05/2022 21:26

@PortalooSunset I’m a Sahm mum at the moment, she starts school in September, why?

OP posts:

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/05/2022 21:37

I think from your childs point of view, its whoever she didnt have last time. I know with my children they need to be fairly consistent in the 'it was xs turn last time and now its ys' even if there was an interruption (eg one of us was away so they had a joint bedtime, or they got a babysitter). They understand that more than 'Wednesday is dads day' or whatever .

For us though one of us does bedtime and the other ends up doing clearing up and tidying though so it's fairly equal. Also if one of us really didnt want to do bedtime because we had a bad day or whatever then the other one would pick up the slack because we know it would be reciprocated. The tit for tat doesn't sound healthy

Ohthatsexciting · 27/06/2022 09:05

but am lay here thinking how incredibly petty and mean he is

I am sitting here thinking how incredibly petty and mean you are

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