Whose night is it tonight?

[Allthepettythings]

Dp & I take it in turns to do DD’s, 3, bedtime each night. She’s often hard to get to sleep and we generally end up falling asleep next to her.
I did Wednesday and Dp did Thursday, we always alternate.
My parents had been staying with us for a visit and Friday was their last night, so I asked Dp if he could do it so I could spend the last night with them, just watching tv/chatting etc.
Because he did Friday night, I did last night.
Tonight he asks me who’s doing bedtime, but in a not nice way. I said he was as we swapped nights and he did Friday instead of Saturday, he went nuts and shouted that he’d done two nights in a row and it doesn’t work like that!
Bearing in mind I’ve swapped nights with him before if he wanted to go out or see a friend etc.
Ive ended up taking her up, but am lay here thinking how incredibly petty and mean he is. Dd is v difficult at the moment and I never get a break. Also he slept for 3 hours this afternoon.
Who’s in the right here? And does anyone else have a twatty partner/husband like this?

Your turn based on your schedule.

But there’s a bigger issue here. Who puts your child to bed shouldn’t be a battle ground. Also when do you actually spend time together? I think it’s worth taking a week of sucking up the pain to get your DD settled in her bed.

DH and I take turns with DS3, whoever asks for the swap usually ends up doing the double bubble but it’s fairly loose and it’s not particularly arduous, we’re back downstairs about 7.

that said, we had some trouble with DS new bed a couple of weeks ago so I spent all night standing outside his door until he fell asleep exhausted at about 10pm so Dh did the next two nights as he felt sorry for me ha!

You need to sort out your child’s sleep routine, you can’t carry on like this. Who’s turn it is , is the least of your problems.

@Everydayisabadhairday He hasn’t done 3 nights in a row though, I did last night

Ok, fair enough everyone, perhaps is my *Turn. Just the amount of times I’ve done it for him, without seeking payback, it was my parents ffs

We don’t hate putting Dd to bed, it’s just long days (she’s v hard work at the moment) so I suppose we just crave those few hours of peace to ourselves.
She obviously didn’t hear what he said

I think grumpy and petty parents are tired parents. Who is right isn't important here. This isn't a battle you need to be focusing on.

I'm separated from my DC's Dad so 6 or more nights a week it's me. I have a 5 year old and a 7 month old. Your DH sounds a bit petty!

Omg is your child so terrible that you fight about it? As someone who did every night (because my husband worked very long hours and was also away a lot) I have no sympathy for this. Why don't you both do it together like a family?

Sorry i didn't read it properly. If he did 2 nights in a row then i think it's your turn. Then when you've done 2 nights, back to alternating one night on one night off.

You really do need to try and seek ways to get dd into bed and asleep by herself so you're not sacrificing hours to her shenanigans. Stating the obvious but it doesn't appear to be doing your relationship much good. Perhaps he could research some methods to sort her sleep out while you're stuck in there with her.

This phase will pass though. Its ok to want to have time away from your child as well. All these people saying you're trying to get away from her. Its ok to want time to yourself it doesn't make you a bad mum.

So what if some people are single parents and have to do bedtime every night. Op isn't a single parent.

If you've previously done nights for him when he's gone out without expecting two nights off in return, then he is being unreasonable. Otherwise I would have said that you should have done two nights on the trot to return the favour.

But it sounds to me like you need to have a discussion about why he got so angry. If he's finding the spending ages upstairs unbearable, then perhaps there is something you can do to help DD into a more manageable routine. Until she does start going to bed more easily, it might be a good idea to see this situation as an opportunity to agree whether you both prefer to 'make up' the extra night or go straight back to alternating so that there's no need for an argument in future.

Is doing bedtime that bad? I couldn't imagine arguing over this.

Time to teach your DD how to go to bed on her own?!

Mental situation. Can't imagine doing this rigamarole every night.

This is incredibly sad.

Your child will absolutely be picking up on how much her parents are fighting over not being around her.
Poor kid

@Everydayisabadhairday I thought she was asking whose night is it in everyone house tonight hence when I answered mine as it is 6 nights a week 😂 I didn't realise she was actually asking whose turn is it in her house! It's been a long day! Haha

I'd just continue rolling the nights alternately according to who'd done it the night before instead of keeping to some rigid rota e.g.

Thursday - DP
Friday - DP
Saturday - You
Sunday - DP
Monday - You

Etc etc I'm sure he's done your night in the past for whatever reason, and no doubt the following night you just carried on rolling it.

Unless there's some abusive back story, his reaction sounds OTT.

It's absolutely crazy that putting her to bed takes away your whole evening, I'm not surprised you're both being so petty about whose turn it is. It is your turn but that's beside the point.
Seriously, if you both find it such a chore( and tbh, giving up every other evening IS a chore) then why don't you sort this out?
Putting a 3 year old to be could be as simple as 10 mins... teeth, story and then leave. Neither of you would care whose turn it was because it simply wouldn't be a chore.

Your turn tonight.
Yes it’s your parents, but why should that change things?
We have a 3 year old who is very hard to get to bed (autistic). Bedtime is a chore, especially as we have 2 other young children. But so far we’ve never argued over who does it. It’s just something that needs to be done.

But he's not seeking "payback". He's just not doing another of your nights for you. It's your night tonight, according to your weirdly regimented timetable. Why are you expecting him to do it instead? It makes no sense.

Of course he shouldn't have got angry with you, but you are taking the piss. You're angry with him because you are having to the night that is actually yours anyway according to your timetable.

He's being petty, but you can make this work in your favour.

Child care is work and you can treat elements of it as such, I think. People swap shifts all the time in paid work, and can 'owe' a shift swap when one person covers for another. I'd be asking to cover one of his week nights (so he got 3 nights 'off' in a row) and then booking a weekend away with the girls with the shift he owed you, giving you 3 nights to go have some fun!

Why don't you both do it together like a family?

Mwahahaha NO. Letting someone clock off is totally normal in my view.

This.
I don't actually really understand why other posters think it is your turn.
The system is that you alternate. Where one partner (previously him) is unable to do a night, the other partner covers that night as well as the previous night, and the system re-sets.
As there are 7 days in a week, not 6, it is not the case, for example, that Sundays are usually 'your' night.
Just remember the new system (return to that week's previously agreed schedule) for next time. I bet he gets more nights out than you do!

I asked Dp if he could do it so I could spend the last night with them, just watching tv/chatting etc
The next paragraph you said I never get a break
Don’t get me wrong, I totally get it, but I think he did it for you on ‘you night’ so you could spend the evening with your parents.
Can you both work on the bedtime routine so it’s more manageable? That’s the problem.

Unless he is unwell or a shift worker, a grown man should not need a nap.

I don’t need a nap, but sometimes I like one. I also don’t need the glass of wine I’m currently drinking. Sometimes people do things just because they want to.

I'm glad you agree @lassof, I thought I was going mad!

Yours, as per your usual rota. If it's that hard to put your child to bed maybe you should get a night nanny.