It’s not my job to be fascinated by your child

[Worryinglyworried73]

My friend is pissed off with me because I am not enthralled & fascinated by her baby. Before she had the baby she never showed the slightest interest in my 2 kids, never remembered birthdays or Xmas, never asked about them etc. I have never been one to talk incessantly about my kids as I recognise that they are really only very interesting to me.

The friend’s partner deleted me on Facebook because I wasn’t liking enough pictures of their child & she has been constantly dropping hints about being fed up with ‘friends who aren’t interested’ in talking about her child.

The bottom line is that I am not interested- she’s got an NCT group to talk nappies and stuff with- I didn’t expect her to listen to me talking about my kids and actually I didn’t really go on and on about feeding and sleeping etc anyway as it’s dull.

Having a baby has turned her into an utter bore frankly and I just feel like telling her to jog on with her guilt trips and snide comments.

aibu?

i feel much the same , i might be a parent of a teen and of course she was a baby once , but listening to other people drone on about their babies is very boring frankly ,id have no interest in listening to it either and liking pictures on her feed . its really only when kids do get older ,past the toddler stage that its not boring chatting to other parents about them . i mean babies dont actually do anything except eat. sleep and cry , that doesnt make for much riviting chat does it

She does sound a bit boring right now but I refuse to believe you didn't go on a bit about your baby the first time you had one.

The friend’s partner deleted me on Facebook because I wasn’t liking enough pictures of their child

I don't believe this ^^ either. I'm sure if you dig a bit deeper there's more to it.

Maybe she's suffering from PND?

Which could of course be compounded by existing arseholery, but her very strong reaction on Fb could be explained by that.

quite frankly I wouldn't go chasing after her, but it's worth being aware of that as a possible cause - I only say that due to my bf acting in an extreme way, and years later she told me she was being treated for PND and I never knew at the time.

YANBU - tell her 😏

Unfriending someone because they don’t like enough of your baby pictures is deranged, frankly. Who the hell keeps track of that?

I feel your pain, OP. My parents are like this about my niece. I love her dearly, but I can’t feign fascination at every tiny thing. ‘She’s so cute! She’s so funny! You won’t believe what she said today!’ - all about some perfectly ordinary thing a child of that age might do or say.

I think sometimes my parents think I don’t care, and that’s not true. I just don’t want to be cut off mid-sentence with a cry of ‘Lucy! Luuuuuu-cy!! Have you got your ball? Have you? Haaaaave yoooooou?’

What are you waiting for? Ditch them and move on!

But she’s not asking for ‘vague interest’. She’s counting likes and hitting the delete button for anyone who doesn’t demonstrate their fascination to an acceptable level!

She'll understand your reaction in about four year's time.

You should tell your friend that the earth revolves around the sun & not her 11 month old baby. 🤷🏼‍♀️

She sounds unhappy and deeply insecure tbh. Her own worst enemy.

they sound loopy

It's hard isn't it. I have a friend who just constantly posts pics of her toddler and absolutely every day revolves around her, every weekend day they are at a farm park or some other child centered day out, they do no adult things at all, there is never a day when they are at home just having a quiet day when you could pop by and visit them. I think she feels I'm not interested in her dd, but everything is so focused on the child that it feels hard to maintain the friendship. She can't go out for a drink in the evening as she can't afford a taxi and her husband can't drop her off as it will affect the child's bedtime routine etc etc. It just becomes such hard work. I have been there myself and had 3 kids of my own but parented in a very different way.

does sound like she is insecure op

Unfriending....ooh, thatll show you
lol

Good Lord! Do actual grown ups behave like this?

Many of us already have the tattoo!

Tell her how you feel

A vague interest is one thing, card, present on birth, How's sprog? occasionally but this woman seems to think she has invented motherhood from scratch and is looking for a Nobel prize, as do many on this site.

Yeah, I'd be telling her that you are about as interested in her baby as she was in yours…

YANBU! Complete overreaction on her part. She should be able to think back and remember that she wasn't fascinated by your children, but even if she thinks you're not sufficiently amazed with her child, that's no reason to confront someone. Surely you just quietly grumble to yourself and move on.

Her partner deleted you on FB? And either your friend or the partner told you that they were deleting you for not reacting enough to photos of the baby? That takes the whole thing to another level... I'm not sure I'd bother about them, if they're this immature. Maybe they'll come out of their PFB fog, eventually. If not, you're better off without someone who expects the world to revolve around them.

Have you pointed out the double standard @Worryinglyworried73 ?

Some people carry on with this stuff long past babyhood, and continue to show only the most cursory interest in yours, as if you saying little or not so little Cordelia is 'fine, thanks'' is their cue to monologue for hours about each of their offspring, some of whom you might never have spoken to. Your friend might wise up without getting to this stage, but fuck me, it's tedious, and if she's one of those, you're better off out of it.

If they’re unfriending you, you’ve had a lucky escape. If you stay friends with them you’re setting yourself up for years of expectation over presents and boring conversations when golden child learns to walk, talk, read, ride a bike, and on and on it will go. Cut your losses and move on.

I know how you feel as the first amongst my friends to have had children, by a good few years. I didn’t expect much from them when my children were small because there was no possible way they could relate and that’s what NCT friends were for, but now they’re having babies I’m expected to be besotted with them. It’s not going to happen.

@Worryinglyworried73

How do you know why the DP deleted you?