AIBU to think that women’s rape crisis therapy should NOT be mixed-sex?

[IamSarah]

Women’s rape crisis therapy in Sussex is currently mixed-sex. The women's groups are open to anyone, male or female, who identify as a woman.

My women’s therapy group was attended by a male who presented outwardly as male.

I am making a legal challenge to the Sussex Rape Crisis centre claiming that women who have been raped or sexually abused should have the option of single-sex female only therapy IF they want it.

This would be in addition to the existing mixed-sex options.

If you are thinking YANBU then please visit my Twitter page which has more information on how you can help women like me secure female only therapy:

twitter.com/sarahsurviving

If you are thinking YABU please let me know how you would explain this to your daughter, mother or sister if she’d been raped?

Having worked in a single sex service with women who have experienced sexual assault and DV I can say YANBU x1000.
Women need single sex spaces, especially free from a penis. I do think men need support as do trans people, but this should never be at the cost of women. How rape crisis can hold their head high when they are potentially re-traumatising women.

Also I’ve donated, good luck

Thank you @IamSarah for standing up and saying no for all of us. After everything you've been through, it can't have been an easy decision to fight this, but I'm so glad you are

I had a thought about the 'value' including trans women provides - they probably mean they get an all-important shiny gold star from Stonewall

Best of luck Sarah, I struggle to talk about my experiences even in front of other women survivors. Not a chance I’d manage with penis in the room.
Thank you for making your stand.

There are men only, LGBT and 'women only' group that is in fact mixed sex. There is NO provision for actually women only!

They have made a trans "woman" the head of Rape Crisis Scotland despite it being a protected women only post.

This person has said that women who have been raped and wish only to speak with other women must "reframe their trauma" or they are bigots.
So there you have it.

They get raped by other men....

You mean men get raped by men?

Yes they do, and these victims have access to men-only sessions and mixed sex sessions. Why should they have access to women-only sessions too?

DontPickTheFlowers · 01/05/2022 11:16
I’m not sure where I stand on this. Where would the support be for men who have been raped? I seriously doubt anyone would go to such a group for kicks. They need help too.

There are groups for men who have been raped.

There was a poster here, maybe before Christmas whom others may remember. She was attending a rape crisis centre where trans women could attend group meetings for men, a meeting for trans women, or a women’s meeting. 3 choices.

Thereby leaving raped women no choice but a group potentially mixed with a male/males.

And think of the Rape crisis centre for women in Edinburgh actually run by a male dressed as a woman.

Y are definitely NOT BU

I think the poster you are referring to is the OP.

Dear God how did we get here?

Male bodied people (aka transwomen aka men) allowed in women's and girls' toilets and changing rooms, male bodied people convicted of sex offences against women allowed into women's prisons where they predictably committed more sex offences against women, male bodied athletes being allowed to compete in and unsurprisingly win in women's sports, and a Rape Crisis Centre headed by a male bodied person.

I sometimes think I am living in a parallel universe.

women who have been raped or sexually abused should have the option of single-sex female only therapy IF they want it

How could anyone disagree with this? Is it possible though? By that, I mean funding. Do the RCC have enough to offer men only, women only and mixed groups? I presume that they run off charitable donations and/or Govt. funding. If you are successful but RCC do not have enough money to offer every woman single sex therapy, what would happen?

Is it possible though? By that, I mean funding.

The RCC has a large amount of restricted funds specifically to support female survivors. None of their funding conditions state they need to support men or transgender survivors - it is an ideological choice.

Do the RCC have enough to offer men only, women only and mixed groups

Yes and they were planning to run a number of closed peer support groups (meaning the same people attend every time) so I suggested just one of these groups could be for women born female and this could be arranged discreetly.

I presume that they run off charitable donations and/or Govt. funding.

Yes - and women pay council tax too and deserve to have our needs met too.

If you are successful but RCC do not have enough money to offer every woman single sex therapy, what would happen?

I have been very clear I am not in this for the money and will donate any compensation to a VAWG charity. I would even donate back to the centre on the condition they run a single sex group if this is what the judge rules.

I contributed to the crowdfunding, been following you since this kicked off.

I hope you kick their arses.

Thank you jeaux90 and all of the other gardeners

I couldn't do this without the support of Mumsnetters.

A girl or woman not having the choice of a male free space at a rape crisis centre is rape no 2 in my opinion.

I will back you all the way on this. In a service that offer males who identify as women, specialist dedicated services and they then choose to use the service that natal women use, i would be seriously questioning the motives of that person. If you identify so strongly as a woman, surely you would understand the need for single sex spaces for rape survivors?

This is exactly the same scenario as the Wi Spa incident. There were womens, mens and mixed gender (i use gender deliberately as the facility was trans inclusive) spa options available. Yet the 'transwoman' (who turned out to be a repeat sex offender) with the erect penis chose to be in a space with naked women and children.

Any male choosing to be in a space where women and children are vulnerable, particularly when other options are available, needs to be looked at with suspicion.

We are with you.
@IamSarah@IamSarah

YANBU

Males making decision for females just like the good old days

ffs we take a few steps forward and some males want to drag us back so they are in control

this is about males controlling females it’s gone beyond male entitlement it’s the deliberate ignoring of female voices

Men do get raped, by other men (the legal definition of 'rape' involves a penis). That's no justification for them using a women's facility though. These facilities didn't just spring up out of nowhere out of the goodwill of (male) politicians, they were campaigned for, long and hard, by women. Men need to be doing the same for themselves.

Any male choosing to be in a space where women and children are vulnerable, particularly when other options are available, needs to be looked at with suspicion

I absolutely agree 100%

I wasn't even brave enough for therapy. You amaze me Sarah and I am so sorry for this horrid struggle. It is an abominable situation that I just cannot understand.

I finish a big project today and was going to get a treat for the me and the kids. You get the money instead. It's not much, because I'm skint, but I'll chip in again on my next round of tax credits. All the love to you 💜💚.

Donated here, too, and thank you.

It's such an important cause. Inclusion, yes, but not where it overrides another vulnerable group's basic right to health and wellbeing and safety. It is completely possible to do both.

Competing rights are a complex issue; its such a shame its come to this to force a grownup conversation.

I've been imagining the moment when the policies around the 3 services (mixed sex, mixed sex, male) were written up. A man sat a desk ugly laughing.

YADNBU and you are amazing. Thank you.