AIBU to think that women’s rape crisis therapy should NOT be mixed-sex?

[IamSarah]

Women’s rape crisis therapy in Sussex is currently mixed-sex. The women's groups are open to anyone, male or female, who identify as a woman.

My women’s therapy group was attended by a male who presented outwardly as male.

I am making a legal challenge to the Sussex Rape Crisis centre claiming that women who have been raped or sexually abused should have the option of single-sex female only therapy IF they want it.

This would be in addition to the existing mixed-sex options.

If you are thinking YANBU then please visit my Twitter page which has more information on how you can help women like me secure female only therapy:

twitter.com/sarahsurviving

If you are thinking YABU please let me know how you would explain this to your daughter, mother or sister if she’d been raped?

Saying it again a little louder for those at the back.

Women’s rape crisis therapy in Sussex is currently MIXED-SEX.

I’m NOT trying to take this mixed-sex option away.

I simply believe women who have been raped should have the option of SINGLE-SEX therapy IF they want it.

More details on Twitter.com/SarahSurviving

I once had a boyfriend who was incredibly abusive. Out of all the sex we had, I'd say about 75% of it was unwanted on my part, and towards the end, 100%.

He knew I'd been sexually assaulted prior to meeting him, it's part of what made me am easy target.

He would have allowed me to go to a single sex meeting because there were no other men. Mixed sex, he'd have come with, put on a sad face and held my hand, and then when we got home, he'd have acted out what he'd heard survivors describe. He'd have loved it.

Trans identified males have tried to join groups for women who have suffered a miscarriage because of domestic violence. You are so naive.

I agree it's naive to underestimate the lengths men will go to in order to access vulnerable women.

Rape crisis centres shouldn't be giving them a free pass.

It is common knowledge that some men get aroused by stories if sexual assaults on women. So of course you should be disqualified from being in a group for female rape victims if you have a penis.

YADNBU, no single sex provision will force women out of spaces created specifically for them. There are enough men for whom listening to women talk about this will be entirely for their own sexual satisfaction.

It's impossible for women to tell if the male in the group is 'genuinely' trans or there to get his rocks off listening to the rape stories.

The explicit instruction by Survivors Network to be especially welcoming to male survivors who identify as women means the other women feel manipulated or even forced into speaking about their abuse so the trans clients feel validated and included.

In a rape crisis centre.

YANBU

Even if every biological man wanting to attend was ‘genuinely’ trans, in the specific circumstances, that is in direct conflict with the biological women’s needs and wishes, and in the circumstances the latter are more important.

YANBU Sarah, I also have been following your experience since you first posted. There are groups for every single demographic except single sex groups for women. That is not fair, and the centre are completely tone deaf.

They put a condition on the women using their services in having to accept males in their groups, in spite of the fact that for a lot of the women it's male violence they will have been subjected too. For a rape crisis charity that's fucking heartless. Men get their pick, and women get fuck all and left to suffer alone.

Wishing you every success Sarah

YADNBU. Thank you for standing up for this.

YANBU - it’s perverse that men are permitted into rape crisis therapy! I honestly despair!!!
thank you for challenging this ludicrous decision and good luck.
I will take a look at your page now.

This. Some people are surprisingly naive.

This story is an example of what men do, to volunteers working on suicide helplines.
www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/perverts-calling-samaritans-listen-female-20896344.amp

Now these men have access to women's rape counselling groups, if they declare themselves women. What can possibly go wrong?

And here is another article on Samaritan's volunteers where 'number of "middle-aged men" from a "specific demographic" met up with women for sex after first speaking with them on phone, the Daily Telegraph reported.'

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/samaritans-volunteers-helplines-callers-sex-b1894994.html?amp

I do not want men anywhere near my therapy, either as therapists, volunteers or participants. Is that really that unreasonable?

@HelloBarkness
I'm so sorry that's happened to you, I hope you're healing and have love and support around you now

YANBU. This is ripe for abuse from predatory types.

YANBU

This is just sexism and misogyny.

@LK1972
I was telling a male friend about Sarah's case yesterday. His response was so will the guys who turn up have to bring their own cushions to put over their hardons, or will they be provided. He is a decent gentle bloke; if his first thought is guys will go there to do some pocket fiddling whilst listening to women's horrific experiences, how the hell can authorities not imagine that violent deviant men will think the same and use it to their advantage.

YANBU I have donated as its such an important cause but have had to do so anonymously, unfortunately.

You are so brave for this but my workplace have disciplined people for creating a hostile work environment for saying things like this but know, there are so many women (and men) who silently support these causes and I will continue to cheer from the sidelines. I'm so sorry I can't be braver.

@Mandodari

My poor DH's jaw almost fell off, he actually had to clarify what he heard from me, just to make sure I'm not misunderstanding the case.

It's an actual example of acceptable exception for providing mixed sex services in the Equality Act 2010, because of course women need rape counselling away from men!

It is entirely unbelievable this is allowed to take place, and that some people try to justify this. Just think about it - women are FORCED to share the horrific details of their rape in front of males, or not have any group therapy provision. In what world is that acceptable?

@DontPickTheFlowers The Survivor's network have a group specifically for men. It's advertised on their website. But the women's group also accepts men who identify as women.

I wonder if any women who identify as men attend the men's group, something tells me not....

@IamSarah I am absolutely on your side. I can't recall if it was on MM or your Twitter feed, but I was shocked by the letter you shared from Rape Crisis to the (I think?) the equalities commission. They talk about the majority of women being happy to share this space. Where is their evidence for that?!
I can't believe this is where we've ended up in 2022.

Good luck with your case, well done for bringing it.

It is entirely unbelievable this is allowed to take place, and that some people try to justify this. Just think about it - women are FORCED to share the horrific details of their rape in front of males, or not have any group therapy provision. In what world is that acceptable?

It was unacceptable.

I was was asked directly to speak about my abuse and felt manipulated into talking about my sexual violence in front of a male to 'be kind' despite every instinct telling me not to.

It felt familiar - putting aside my own feelings and boundaries to please a male. That's exactly what sexual abuse is. The irony wasn't lost on me.

It’s horrific. OP so sorry but so much respect dor you too.