To think being a SAHM/housewife is not the same as someone claiming benefits?

[Jajana]

Was chatting to my sister and was talking about how my MIL is a housewife (sorry not sure if that’s the correct term). She said that being a SAHM/housewife is no different to someone claiming benefits and would rather claim benefits than rely on someone for an income!

Bearing in mind, FIL runs a very successful business and all of the money MIL receives is from private funds - not through the state.

Am i being reasonable to think being a SAHM/housewife isn’t the same as claiming benefits?

Well no, it's good for them as they can focus on their career by not being impacted by sickness etc, which ultimately benefits them the most whilst opting out of a lot of the boring parts of everyday family life. When they'd be spending the same on childcare probably as paying all the bills etc it's an easy choice for many and not made out of selflessness.

It was a response to the question of why it's a benefit to the family

Well no, it's good for them as they can focus on their career by not being impacted by sickness etc, which ultimately benefits them the most whilst opting out of a lot of the boring parts of everyday family life. When they'd be spending the same on childcare probably as paying all the bills etc it's an easy choice for many and not made out of selflessness.

I was taking about the bit that said men don’t usually make the decisions women do to stay at home.

And MY experience.

Not about working mums, or fathers in general.

Please don’t twist words.

I wish I had a wonderful career. I think it’s wonderfuk when women feel fulfilled doing something they are proud of and love.

I’m not bashing anyone just talking about my life.

more career focused and often earn a lot more...

Chicken and egg.

AFAIK there is no law which states a wife has access to a husbands earnings if he chooses to put these in an account solely in his own name.

I don’t understand this, there is plenty of single mothers who work?

Personally I feel sorry for the children who's mothers don't love them enough to give up their careers.
And I feel so bad for the children who's mothers are happy to do unpaid work and not provide their children with a strong role model of a woman using her brain.

@Onwards22 I can’t believe you actually think what you’ve posted is correct.

What benefits do you assume I claim, as a SAHM? I can tell you; absolutely zero. We don’t get child benefit as my DH earns over the threshold. We don’t qualify for tax free childhood as he earns over the threshold. He pays 45% tax so 2 full time workers in a couple both paying 20% tax pays less tax than my husband. I can pretty much guarantee that his monthly tax bill comes to a hell of a lot more than the average 2 person working household.

I’m not reliant on his income either. I have assets solely in my name which I receive income from.

If a single parent is unable to work if they have a very young baby or a child with disabilities, they are looked down on a he'll of a lot more than a sahp who chooses not to work. All the while ignoring that many stay at home parent also receive benefits.

Some sahps are also unable to work but are seen as "not as bad" as single parents who receive benefits.

I wouldn't want to be that dependent on anyone, but sahps who previously looked down on single parents and find themselves without a penny as their ex has fucked off will experience what single parents go through whilst being grateful the benefits system they once bashed, is able to step in and support them now their ex doesn't.

No different to not getting the state to pay for childcare because you are at home raising your own child.

Do you think we should all work part time then?

Goady post alert 😂😂😂

@LeeMucklowesCurtains

I think many women feel as you do but it’s unfashionable to say so. Society has a way of making us feel that any choice that doesn’t involve a glittering career is somehow invalid.

Be proud of your choice! Bringing up the next generation is surely one of the most important jobs there is - and that goes whether you stay at home to do it yourself fulltime or you have paid childcare to help.

Oh, I am.

My children are the only good thing I’ve done. And one is a wonderful, successful, independent adult now, so whatever unhealthy attachment I have, I’ve managed not to project onto them, they are all full of confidence and nothing like me.

I just wanted to be with them. I couldn’t have imagined leaving them BUT I would have been leaving them to do an awful job that I hated.

Had I have been bright enough to do something that I loved, things may have been different, who knowa.

However I would make the benefit system less generous and change the rules to encourage this to not be the case to rely on benefits.
By fighting for wage increases alongside lower childcare fees? If that was the case people wouldn't rely on benefits topping up wages.

Very few people are unemployed and solely relying on benefits, it is an absolute misery for them when they are.

What is it in the UK if unemployed with 1 DC around £125 a week including child tax credit? Not exactly encouraging.

Electricity and heating costs are higher when on prepaid electricity/gas.
TV licence, food, clothing, shoes, out of £125 per week, laughable that you consider the system generous.

And I feel so bad for the children who's mothers are happy to do unpaid work and not provide their children with a strong role model of a woman using her brain.

Why on earth should a mother not do valuable unpaid work? Lots of women choose to give up their careers because they value spending time with their children and looking after their family.

A woman can use her brain in many ways and choosing to spend time at home is one of them. Especially if she's already spent time in a career and when her partner is working full time and earning enough.

The way I look at it, a married/unmarried secure partnership is a team who can choose how they decide to divide up what needs doing in their lives. Money needs earning and home and nutrition etc. need looking after - the partner who earns the money is no "better" or more important than the one who keeps the home. And it is certainly not on a par with receiving benefits. And it is certainly no-one else's business.

But - it is also worth saying that the implication that being on benefits is somehow a derogatory idea is not acceptable. Benefits are one aspect of a civilized society that takes care of those who, for whatever reason, are not able to earn.

Men don't earn more before early 30's - i.e. before women start going PT/giving up work.

It came across wrong.

I don’t stifle them. It’s not like I am hyperventilating in the corner if I have an evening out. I instil independence in them. I don’t make them rely on me.

I just didn’t want to leave them to work. One is a young adult now (I have huge age gaps), he’s doing well so I’ve not fucked them up.

However I would make the benefit system less generous and change the rules to encourage this to not be the case to rely on benefits.

It's okay the tories have been doing this for many years, hence why despite being a very wealthy country we have children going to bed hungry, and adults literally freezing to death during the winter. Rather than changing an already cruel benefits system, curious as to why you aren't more keen on investment being made in changing policies and introducing better support for those trapped in the benefits cycle which would naturally reduce the number of people on them whilst also enhancing their lives? And for those who genuinely even with additional support in place couldn't work getting paid a fairer amount? Carers, those who are disabled etc get paid a ridiculously low amount, it's shameful and the fact you'd want to cut it further is outrageous. * *

Yes, you just use sitters.co.uk. You can always find a sitter. I find it odd that there is excuse after excuse as to why you couldn't possibly work. Of course you could, it's shockingly easy.

And I feel so bad for the children who's mothers are happy to do unpaid work and not provide their children with a strong role model of a woman using her brain.

Can't believe I just read that!!!!! Are you seriously suggesting that bringing up children does not require brain!? To those who are SAHMs I say - well done - all power to your elbow - be proud of what you are doing.

Lots of women choose to give up their careers because they value spending time with their children and looking after their family.

why don't lots of men choose to give up their careers because they value spending time with their children and looking after their family?

And I feel so bad for the children who's mothers are happy to do unpaid work and not provide their children with a strong role model of a woman using her brain.

Oh my they're out* *in force today.
@Jajana OP achieved her goals.