To think being a SAHM/housewife is not the same as someone claiming benefits?

[Jajana]

Was chatting to my sister and was talking about how my MIL is a housewife (sorry not sure if that’s the correct term). She said that being a SAHM/housewife is no different to someone claiming benefits and would rather claim benefits than rely on someone for an income!

Bearing in mind, FIL runs a very successful business and all of the money MIL receives is from private funds - not through the state.

Am i being reasonable to think being a SAHM/housewife isn’t the same as claiming benefits?

@Dillidilly

They are.

Telling women they should enjoy and be fulfilled by looking after their family but not asking why men aren't won't help that change.

Yawn is this still going? Oh, of course it is - anything with SAHM in the title always does.

Do people realise the so-called conversation about the SAHM MIL 99% never actually happened? The OP just woke up bored so thought she'd start a SAHM thread, with benefit claimants thrown in to boot. Sunday Funday!

I don't think anyone on this thread has said that?

They've pointed out that some women get great joy from doing so, which is OK.
Just as it's equally OK for other women to want to continue to work part or full time.
Or any combination of the above over the long years of childrearing.

If being a sahm is so valuable why don't men value it enough to do it themselves?

Why do societal roles have to be validated by men doing them?

Yep, you're right, and I've got suckered in 🙄

But I do hope all women can feel happy in their own life choices, and excepting of the life choices of other women
And with that, I'm done lol

I’m sorry it is just very hard to follow your posts. Your keep using his hours asa reason you can’t work, but not wishing to is perfectly valid. And I don’t understand why he earned so much more, which is what you wrote earlier about why it was you who gave up, if you both did the same job?

Gah!
*accepting!!

@hihellohihello

They dont

They dont have to be validated by women doing them either.

But you cant argue that a role is vitality important and then absolve men of doing it.

Jumping in (not read the thread) it is definitely not the same. I was a SAHM whilst my husband started his business, without me being at home full time he would t have been able to run his business. It has been team work. I did the stuff at home and with the kids, he could then dedicate his time to the business. I don't see how it's the same as claiming benefits

@Dillidilly

Sure.

But focusing on the choices women are making just let's men off the hook.

Why could he not run his business unless you stayed home? Wasn’t child care an option?

That doesn't make you better people though.

For every person like @Louise0701 that doesn't need to work and isn't bothered about doing so as she's got other stuff she would much rather do, it leaves roles for others that do need to work for either money /emotional fulfilment or both. I am now 60 and to be frank I would prefer( if I could afford to ) to look after home, pursue interests and do a bit of voluntary- and what business of anyone else's would it be? I wouldn't be claiming benefits . With regards to benefits, the majority claiming them are either working but low paid, unable to work through illness/disability or would find it difficult because of childcare -be that hours available or costs not making it worthwhile on a cost/benefit calculation and yep there are 'some' with few skills that decide they can't be arsed and would rather just about 'get by' . It's not exactly a life of Riley. Anyone who does the housewife/SAHM thing just has to decide if they are in a strong enough personal position if their relationship goes tits up to be in a position of 'a good settlement' or 'a strong set of skills/experience' if they find they need to work. It's really their business though- they aren't hurting anyone.

Why could he not run his business unless you stayed home? Wasn’t child care an option?

@Frogslegsbigfeet for us the cost would have been too much, we had two very close together, at the time childcare would have cost more than my my wages, DH income covered bills, mortgage and the cost of setting up a new business. Also if I had been working full time I would expect him to help out more with childcare and house work, leaving him less time to to concentrate on the business.

All worth it in the end , I now work full time

@Frogslegsbigfeet I don't see what's hard to follow unless you are deliberately trying to misunderstand. He was a higher grade than me - he was a senior manager and I was a an assistant manager. But the daily requirements of our jobs were broadly the same. It's not difficult.

I think people are misunderstanding - as previously mentioned my reasons for giving up work were varied. If I hadn't agreed to be a SAHM DS would have been placed with a different couple who could meet that requirement. I also wouldn't have later been matched with my DD as she also needed a SAHP because of her needs.

I didn't have the luxury of being able to have DC when I first wanted them - if I had we would have had them at the more junior stages of our careers and both of us going back to work would have not only been easier but financially necessary. It took us 10 years to get our family. Life doesn't always follow the path you think it will.

But you cant argue that a role is vitality important and then absolve men of doing it.

I don't. We made our choices based purely on what was best for our family. Doesn't make me a better or worse person than people who made different choices regarding paid employment.

And as an added point we shouldn't blame the women who actually are victims of the patriarchy for upholding it.

SAHM bashing is so boring.

And benefit bashing is even worse.

@Frogslegsbigfeet oh yes and the other reason he was a higher grade than me was that for ten years on and off I was having fertility treatment and having to ask for time off for that does have an unfortunate impact on the speed of your career progression sadly!

Having a miscarriage set me back quite a bit too as I was basically written off!

Weirdly it didn't impact on DH quite so much even though he attended most appointments with me. I managed to climb the ladder slowly during the times when we gave up on the treatment and I was able to focus more on my career. His career progression carried on at pace.

Feminism isn't just about choice it's about exposing that so many 'choices' that women make are not necessarily in their best interests and/or really free. It is also about exposing the disparity between men's choices and those of women - funny how men rarely have to decide between an independent income and bein a SAHP.

Exactly, so many women are left stranded without any career or potential earnings when the DC grow up and he no longer finds her interesting or attractive.

Many a lovely man turns nasty when it comes to moving on, hiding his assets, taking on contact work.

Staying at home is a very vunerable position to be in.

Men in power with great jobs are a good catch and there is always someone younger more attractive swinging their net for a big fish.

Exactly this. My husband cannot work and earn the money he earns without me taking full responsibility for the children, think shifts, 7 day 24 hour on call etc. It works for boat of us, and him not having to worry about childcare has allowed him to excel. When our children are at school I will return to work and we will all benefit from my income and the income from the road he had been able to achieve. We are a team and we work really well together.

I know plenty of people who would be in trouble if their relationship broke down, despite working full time.
A full time wage doesn't guarantee you'll make ends meet on your own. Hence why many people receiving benefits are employed.

Staying at home is a very vunerable position to be in.

Being vulnerable is a fact of life. If you went around trying protect yourself from everything you want Utd never leave your house but that would be a risk too. If you invest everything in a career and sacrifice all close relationships for it, that might expose your vulnerability, what are you left with?

Would

Some people are higher earners, some are low earners, it doesn’t pay for someone to take a low paid job which means the other cannot do their highly paid job. Sometimes it’s cheaper not to work and do all the household stuff rather than the higher income partner having to take a lower paid job or having to employ people to look after kids, do the housework, etc.