To think being a SAHM/housewife is not the same as someone claiming benefits?

[Jajana]

Was chatting to my sister and was talking about how my MIL is a housewife (sorry not sure if that’s the correct term). She said that being a SAHM/housewife is no different to someone claiming benefits and would rather claim benefits than rely on someone for an income!

Bearing in mind, FIL runs a very successful business and all of the money MIL receives is from private funds - not through the state.

Am i being reasonable to think being a SAHM/housewife isn’t the same as claiming benefits?

This with bells on.

@Louise0701

You definitely asked why would anyone with your lifestyle work?

I cba going back to check though.

I'm not justifying my job. As you say, I dont have to.

@Dillidilly
Ah the old sexist youre to blunt trope.

Would you say a man with clear views was vehement?

If they posted as you have, yes I definitely would.

Sure.

Whats wrong with how I have posted? How is it different to how you have posted?

Are You not also vehement in your view?

If they want to talk about being completely fulfilled by not working and hold their oh to a different standard thats up to them

But surely a couple makes a joint decision that they're both happy with?

Many men are probably very happy they their partner enjoys and gets fulfilment from staying at home and looking after the family.

@pinklavenders

How very decent of them

🙄

*It would be good if women could acknowledge the sexism that informs their choices
*

What do you mean?

@pinklavenders

The sexist reason why you think women are more fulfilled by not working

Its not innate

Well, to be completely honest, I was trying to be polite when I said 'vehement'.

If I was being blunt, I would have said 'goady and disparaging'.

Well this thread has gone places.
Of course they’re not the same. They have similarities, but that doesn’t mean they’re the same.
In fact as a single parent on benefits I’d be kind of annoyed if a married SAHM said that our situations were the same. They’re definitely not!
But that doesn’t mean I look down on SAHMs or think they have it easy. And as ever I don’t give a fuck what people think of me being on benefits when my choices are that or starve. 🤷‍♀️

@Topgub you sound like you’re doing your damnest 😂

Oh I agree. There is absolutely nothing wrong with claiming benefits - they are there for a reason! Do what’s best for you!

@HandScreen before we got the kids we worked for the same company but in separate sectors but our jobs were very similar and often involved going to the same events. He would be out late working or entertaining two or three nights a week and I would be too. I often had sales conferences and residential training courses I had to go away for. Before we had kids we'd often both be out working or away on the same nights so we knew the situation would be very difficult to manage once we had DC.

I don't know why you are struggling to understand why two extremely financially secure people in their late 30's with very demanding jobs took the decision after trying to have a family for 10 years , that one of us should become a SAHP.

DH was the higher earner by quite a long way and happy to stay working and I was more than ready to embrace all that motherhood could offer me after 20 years of working full time.

I don't regret a thing and we are both very happy with our lives and looking forward to the next chapter of it when the kids are doing their own thing and we are enjoying our retirement years.

It would be good if women could acknowledge the sexism that informs their choices

Yes, why are traditionally stereotypical male work / societal roles valued more highly than the female equivalent?

*The sexist reason why you think women are more fulfilled by not working

Its not innate*

Well, I guess that's a whole other debate, but whether innate or not, many women enjoy nurturing and looking after their families. Sure, some men do too, but in my experience men tend to be less so.

@Dillidilly

Well the 2 things are completely different.

Always better to be honest and direct. No confusion that way.

I dont think I've been any of them but you're entitled to your view.

@Louise0701 at what?

@hihellohihello

Sexism and capitalism i guess

@pinklavenders

Its not really a whole other debate.

If being a sahm is so valuable why don't men value it enough to do it themselves?

Some of these comments beggar belief.

People keep posting about how two people can’t have a high earning careeer. Totally and utterly ignoring the fact that many women who gave up work didn’t give up thr prospect of such a thing, they gave up low to average paid stuff and even if they hadn’t given up they’d not be having this glittering career folks are pretending g they’d have had If both had to work.

and someone keeps posting about how her husband is missing in action and often not home till after midnight as he’s with “clients” so for some reason this means she can’t do a normal hours job.

many women who give up didn’t habe much to give up in the first place, not all, but many and were delighted to Jack it in. And they aren’t all married to super earners either as many are pretending, often they are married to average joe.

Of course it's not the same! I'm a SAHM which allows DH to work and pay thousands of pounds in tax. We receive absolutely zero benefits, not even child benefit. We take very little from the government as we pay for schooling, healthcare etc.

@Frogslegsbigfeet that someone was me but you are being very selective in relaying my reasons for being a SAHM.

As you will see from my numerous posts in this thread there were a number of reasons for me making the decision I did - mainly governed by the specific needs of my adopted children.

The reason I have mentioned my DH's job is because so many posters seem unable to believe that such a job exists let alone that two people ( who actually met at work 30 years ago ) could have both been doing the same job that required so much out of business hours working.

Honestly I give up!

I think the 2 are inextricably linked.
All the jobs which have historically been done by (mostly) women have always been, and are still, underpaid and under valued.

There’s nothing wrong with claiming benefits you’re entitled to, that’s what they’re there for.

Likewise, it doesn’t matter how strongly some of
you feel I should be working to maximise shareholder returns in paid work rather than hanging out with my kids and cooking and cleaning, I currently prefer doing the latter, it works for my family, and neither option is morally better or worse.