To think being a SAHM/housewife is not the same as someone claiming benefits?

[Jajana]

Was chatting to my sister and was talking about how my MIL is a housewife (sorry not sure if that’s the correct term). She said that being a SAHM/housewife is no different to someone claiming benefits and would rather claim benefits than rely on someone for an income!

Bearing in mind, FIL runs a very successful business and all of the money MIL receives is from private funds - not through the state.

Am i being reasonable to think being a SAHM/housewife isn’t the same as claiming benefits?

In a marriage where one person has paid employment and the other performs unpaid domestic duties, they both earn that income. Courts recognise this at divorce, that the woman has as much rights to the accrued assets as the man who went out to work because without her, his job simply wouldn't be feasible.

Yes. And rightfully so. Both partners effectively earn the income from the employed partner.

Yes. And rightfully so. Both partners effectively earn the income from the employed partner.

they really don’t. No more than the nursery, the school or the childminder does.

someone said staying at home helped their husband progress in his career. I don’t know why that doesn’t make them feel sick. How horrific that he didn’t wish to be bothered by domesticity. Plenty of women progress in their career without a wife at home doing all the domestic stuff.

Doesn't matter you will get a proportion of the house and CM but that will run out when the last child reaches 18. The days of long term spousal maintenance are over they prefer a clean break so unless the house is worth a substantial amount and you can house yourself and have savings. You are always better off working to protect yourself.

Love this!😂
Damned if we do and damned if we don't!

someone said staying at home helped their husband progress in his career. I don’t know why that doesn’t make them feel sick.

Why would supporting a partner make you feel sick?

Yep, me too. And funnily enough, my dd had parents too!

away, their partner would suddenly have to shell out a lot of money for childcare and housework in order to carry on working.

Are you implying people who work can't do housework? How odd.

someone said staying at home helped their husband progress in his career. I don’t know why that doesn’t make them feel sick.

Why would supporting a partner make you feel sick?

Of course it’s not the same. Your sister sounds jealous and bitter.

So, all that housework, childcare and other domestic labour counts for nothing?

Surely housework, childcare and domestic labour is done regardless of whether you work or not?

I prefer working over doing the housework and cooking. Obviously I still have to do all of those things but they are chores for me and are done because they need to be.

I’d hate it if my partner did nothing to contribute to the boring chores like cooking and cleaning and instead spent their days doing something they enjoy.

For me that’s another reason why I will always work because I think both should pull their weight when it comes to the childcare and housework.

I'm surprised how many people assume SAHM have rich husbands, I do actually work 2 days a week but working full time whilst cost more in childcare than I would earn!

Plus, your sister is wrong, as surely it is better to 'sponge' off ones own husband than the taxpayer!

*would cost

It's utter bollocks to say that people working full time "need" cleaners and housekeepers! I've never had one in my life and nor does anyone I know. It makes life easier, yes, but no one NEEDS one.

What is horrific in people freely coming to a mutually beneficial arrangement? Surely it’s more horrific to force people to live their lives in a particular way, regardless of individual circumstances and inclinations?

I was a SAHP until DS started school but I'd never say I was "proud" not to use a nursery. Anyone who thinks that way is a smug twat.

I prefer working over doing the housework and cooking.

Others may prefer to stay at home and look after the kids and the house. Especially when the children are younger.

We both have more capacity because my capacity is not consumed by working 60+ hours a week, or even when I was "part time" which still worked out full time, although much in the home not in the work place.

One factor in men having the dominant career that tends to get overlooked is the age gap that is fairly common with a bias towards older male/ younger female. Ours is bigger than average, but DH was already into management before I was fully qualified. Biologically it makes good use of optimal fertility, but it also means that male careers are often taking off at the point that women are impacted by maternity leave or even sexist suspicion that they might have children.

Another factor is that traditionally "masculine" industries also often pay better than "feminine" industries.

I know couples that buck these trends where the female career has a clearer trajectory worth compromising (e.g. short mat leave) and investing in, but it's still not a majority.

Plenty of women progress in their career without a wife at home doing all the domestic stuff.

Of course they do!

But having a supportive partner at home who looks after the house, cooking, cleaning and the children can be very helpful indeed.

@Frogslegsbigfeet · 01/05/2022 10:39

EmeraldShamrock1

Um no they just have paid childcare.

^^Give over, paid childcare finishes at 6pm unless it's a private arrangement whereby a SAHP enables the partner to work longer hours, take business trips.
Single mothers do not have this option.^^

I understand you are a stay at home parent so likely just coming at this from a position of ignorance about options. But plenty of single mothers have this option, nannies and aupairs are a thing.

@Frogslegsbigfeet You understand I'm a SAHP and my ignorance?

I have worked from the age of 16.
I worked night shifts with two SN DC from 2013 until April 21.

I was given redundancy in April 2021 now I'm claiming carers based on my prsi contributions whilst studying at home to work with DC in disability services.

Luckily I have a partner enabling us both the opportunity to bring in two wages without the expense of childcare as we don't earn enough to cover childcare costs, it's harder to find for DC with complex needs.

No school wraparound child care in Ireland passed 3.30pm.

Single mothers with a decent career and wage can afford a Nanny or Au-pair.
Au-pairs are now paid minium wage per hour of employment.

How can someone earning slightly above minium wage cannot afford a Nanny.

Our house stayed cleaner because it was empty from 8-6, and had two fewer meals a day going on in it!

Exactly. I'm a single working parent and I manage to clean my own house and cook dinners. What are people doing that means their houses are so filthy?

People live on benefits because they need them. It's not much fun as they are so limited.

A family arrangement to have a family member not working is perfectly fine. It's a bit of a risk for the person not having an independent income, but if it works for them it's fine.

I'm not sure what the connection is between these two cases is.

Others may prefer to stay at home and look after the kids and the house. Especially when the children are younger.

I wonder why more men don't prefer it

@Felix0204 god how dull to be in a marriage where the only thing you have to talk about is your jobs. I think I’d rather live alone.

@BogRollBOGOF

The sexist suspicion confounded by a majority of sahm being women

The average UK relationship age gap is between 1 and 3 years.

Thats not enough to account for a majority of men earning more