Why are people in care homes constantly treated like this?

[Mooooooooooooo]

If i were to whistleblow, I'd be doing it for every single care home.
Residents are constantly referred to as 'cute'. Why? They wouldn't be referred to in that way if they weren't elderly I bet.
Having their heads patted by carers.
Talk of 'favourites'.
We do have some absolutely lovely, endearing and sweet residents but still, they don't deserve to be patronised.
Talking about them in front of them thinking because they have dementia, they won't understand.
A nurse told me that a lady with dementia needs a wash because she 'stinks' even though she was right in front of me.
I know we have some residents who are very hard of hearing so you do have to shout, but sometimes there's a very bossy/rude tone from carers.
It's the case in many homes I've seen

Not filming no, but video was on when I dropped in. You missed the part where I asked and the facility encouraged it? So umm considering they said yes when asked and plugged it in because they were closed to visitors, yes allowed.

I didn't miss anything I merely asked if you were filming and you said no. That is sufficient no need for your uppity teenage tone... "So and ummm"

The care gone my grandmother is in currently is amazing and the residents aren’t treated like this at all. The home she was in previously was so patronising- I used to cringe when they’d shout in her face - she is hard of hearing but it’s hard to watch. The also make her make a card like a 3 year old sight stickers all over it it was so cringeworthy - she is full capacity just very frail. I wouldn’t say they don’t care but the did constantly forget to charge her hearing aids, and on a few occasions forgot to give her medication and change her pad (‘nappy’).

SO MANY TYPOS.

So, there are good carers, bad carers and those that prop up the middle.

How do we attract decent carers to the industry? My company have tried: decent wages and pay progression; incentives such as welcome bonuses; advanced training, but we’ll never have enough carers, let alone the really good ones we’d like to retain.

I myself undertook a care job in the past (domiciliary and live-in work), but it was not for me. I did the best I could: I was patient, considerate and cheerful, but found it to be hard work and realised I was quite squeamish at times. These parts of the job will never attract some people, I’m afraid.

The future is a concern.

For you and others who are not familiar with Alexa. You have 2 options, you can video call where the other party has to accept your call. And there is the drop in feature where you can pre clear contacts to connect with video automatically.

The drop in feature plays a sound and then connects video after a pause. The device also allows for do not disturb so a trusted contact can not drop in until that is turned off.

The way I said it did not indicate that I wanted to film staff. You read that into my statement (have no idea how you came to that conclusion). Although quite honestly I don’t give a shit if staff want to be filmed or not. My concern was my mother’s care and not the staff’s feelings.

All that being said it was a great facility with wonderful staff, which was confirmed by my mother after she regained her cognitive ability following radiation treatment on her brain. Thankfully she’s home now where she will stay until she passes, but they helped her last few years be good ones.

If i were to whistleblow, I'd be doing it for every single care home
why are you not whistle blowing On every care home if care is that bad? Just because it is happening in ‘every single care home’ you visit does not mean it’s right. Surely you cover safeguarding in your training? Every time something happens that is wrong or unkind or abusive, surely you report it? How do you think things changeIf no one is ever pulled up on this kind of thing?

I used to work in childcare and have reported settings I worked for, for safeguarding reasons and also other settings where I witnessed bad practice. It’s the right thing to do.

So, I’m not quite sure what your Aibu is? Yes YABU for not reporting and YANBU for thinking it’s wrong to treat dementia patients like this.

@saltinesandcoffeecups you sound delightful you better steady on you don't end up in one of these type of establishments one day... hope that you do get someone who does "give a shit". You rude individual.

Please don't continue this repetition either.

@Cleothecat75

I would argue that safeguarding concerns in childhood settings are taken far more seriously and acted upon more so than in elderly care home settings. Unfortunately you can’t compare the two. Many, many people whistle blow to no avail.

Not in the care homes I've worked in. Disgusting behaviour and disrespectful language. I'd be whistleblowing if I heard that.

@Norush4 you’re just embarrassed you failed to read my post properly and jumped on some unsuspecting person in error. Yes if it comes down to my mothers care or someone else’s feelings I will advocate for my mother every day of the week and twice on Sunday

I hope for you that you have someone willing to do the same if/when you find yourself needing an advocate.

What happens when you whistle blow and nothing gets done? Myself and several colleagues whist blew on one particular home and….. nothing happened.

Pads are not provided by the care home, patient is assessed and allocated and provided via continence services

Sad to say that, even though I only worked in two homes personally I agree with this from my experience.

I once got into trouble with a manager when I tried to brush a residents hair. An older carer who had been there for many years told the manager I wasn’t ‘pulling my weight’ - what!? giving the poor old resident 5 min of self care? The rest of the time I was running around crazy multi tasking? It was an obscene allegation and really opened my eyes to how some homes work.

She actually grabbed the brush out of my hand and shouted “get to bed!” to the resident. I was the one who got in trouble?!

I think that unfortunately wherever there are vulnerable people there will always be people who sadly take advantage for various reasons.

Also the PP who spoke of the Mary poppins effect - yes very true of the homes I was in! All smiles and total respect when relatives were around - everyone was suddenly best friends and rushing to buzzers.

However, I have met some genuinely caring and respectful carers also. Of course there will be homes who are doing ‘better’ I don’t think OP is denying this.
But after my experience I agree with PP who had the Alexa video installed - if you can afford to do this as a relative/ any other video capacity - I would!

Yup, been there, and because I went through the proper channels (management then providers then CQC) I was suddenly underperforming and managed out.
Funny that.

Well of course it would seem like that to a visitor. They will be different when there is a visitor there.

@GregoryFluff

Not always in our LA

@Maverickess

Funny that. Totally what happens though.

@Shiningstarr

Agreed. Game face/chat is a real thing.

Although quite honestly I don’t give a shit if staff want to be filmed or not. My concern was my mother’s care and not the staff’s feelings.

Geez, you’re a real peach, aren’t you, @saltinesandcoffeecups? I bet the care staff thought you were a right pita. We had a name for family members
like you when I worked in care, one which I won’t repeat here. Honestly, most good carers love caring for people, but even those with the patience of a saint, detest annoying or interfering family members, many of whom speak out their arses, do not know what they are talking about and just make the carers’ lives more difficult.

YABU to say that all care homes are like this. If you have concerns then take them up with the appropriate authorities - what you do think having a rant of MN is going to achieve?

@SquirrelG

Probably the same as reporting to authorities.

Nothing.

So you missed the part about me asking the staff about the Alexa and them encouraging it? Or the fact that I said they were great and provided great care? Why would care staff not want to be observed? It’s a big red flag if they object.

if it came down to your parent’s care or hurting the feelings of a staff member, would you sit back and not advocate for your parent? If you say yes, I’m going to call bullshit or weep for your parents.

but nice to know what you think of family members looking out for their loved ones. I would have gladly be annoying or interfere if I didn’t think she was getting the care she needed and deserved…It’s a little telling that you feel this way…

What is interfering to you? Is it when a Nurse signs someone up for hospice without ever seeing them, talking to the family, or talking to her doctors? Should I have not interfered and just let them not do any rehab with my mother? I should have just given up like this ‘carer’ did? Do piss off and maybe listen to the family of those in your care. You might just find out they know more about them than you do.

@saltinesandcoffeecups , you are an expert at twisting words, aren’t you? Be a love, and how about you piss off, or at least stop speaking out of your arse and winding up care staff?

You're like a dog with a bone- get a life, babes!

@NellesVilla not twisting any words hun, in fact quote in directly. If you are getting wound up, that’s on you. Might I suggest some self reflection on your attitude towards family members, you might just find that family is part of the care team for the most important party in the equation.

@saltinesandcoffeecups ?????- I’m not getting wound up, sweets. Just admit you’re wrong and are speaking a load of shite. Don’t get yourself all upset now!
Goodnight, all!

I’ll never be wrong about caring advocating for my loved one. What an odd thing to think, that it’s wrong. Fortunately she was in a place with great people who valued input and help from family members.

You have a peachy night too … hope you have someone more willing than yourself to advocate for you (despite what the carers think) when the time comes.