Why are people in care homes constantly treated like this?

[Mooooooooooooo]

If i were to whistleblow, I'd be doing it for every single care home.
Residents are constantly referred to as 'cute'. Why? They wouldn't be referred to in that way if they weren't elderly I bet.
Having their heads patted by carers.
Talk of 'favourites'.
We do have some absolutely lovely, endearing and sweet residents but still, they don't deserve to be patronised.
Talking about them in front of them thinking because they have dementia, they won't understand.
A nurse told me that a lady with dementia needs a wash because she 'stinks' even though she was right in front of me.
I know we have some residents who are very hard of hearing so you do have to shout, but sometimes there's a very bossy/rude tone from carers.
It's the case in many homes I've seen

Personally, I get fed up of people insulting the care industry all the time (staff), when they themselves would never work in it.

For those of you that are so outraged, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to enter the industry and show the rest of them no-good, heartless, uneducated scum how it’s done? You try wiping arses each day, hurting your back and having bodily fluids squirted into your eye and being chatty, smiley and energetic throughout each grueling, underpaid shift!!

Fwiw, some carers are bloody excellent, not all, but some. I’ve worked in many and some homes/clients are incredibly fortunate to have some of these hard-working, devoted, dedicated men and women.

I have so much sympathy for you and how it must feel to read this, but if that is her factual experience what do you expect her to do? Never tell anyone in case it upsets them? I can see why she wants to tell people of her awful experience and why she might think people will want to know even though it might leave them feeling conflicted.

And fwiw, I work in admin in the care industry currently, and I call PWS (people we support), “babes”, and I’m not stopping now! Sorry, not sorry.
Got that off my chest now!

I’ll say this again. If you think you will be in a position to be responsible for elderly people get them and yourself an Alexa with video now, before they go into a care home. Get them used to using it before there is any mental decline.

my mother was placed in a transitional rehab/care home last summer and it was invaluable for me to be able to ‘drop in’ with video. It was also reassuring that the staff encouraged it. It told me that they weren’t worried about unannounced visits.

this was especially true since I live 6 hours away and she was in during COVID lockdowns.

As a society, we don't know what to do with our huge and growing population of very elderly people and people living with dementia for long periods. No previous generation has had this issue on this scale, which is why none of the previous solutions work. People know that care homes are a suboptimal solution, which is why almost everyone says they don't want to go into one themselves. But the other solution is to accept that other people (realistically: women) have to give over decades of their lives to providing constant care - and that still often won't result in high quality, or even safe, care. It's crap and hard and awful but it's not the OP's fault and not talking about it won't make the problem go away and it won't get us any closer to better solutions.

This is not universal. My mum lives in a care home and has capacity, so she reports back everything she sees that she doesn't approve of, and there's very little. Having to wait for things when they are short staffed, irritation with some other residents, an agency member of staff turning her light on in the middle of the night, and outrage about a lift issue - mainly in the context of the poor staff being run ragged. The agency staff was given short shrift by the manager.

They have weekly residents' meetings with the senior staff, and feedback is listened to. I've been there frequently, moving around the home between the communal areas and mum's room, and often witness the care of others which is respectful and affectionate. There's lots of smiles and laughter (from the residents). I'm sure my mum calls some of the staff "my dear" - it would be surprising if she didn't.

Yes, it's not what we'd choose with infinite resources, but there really is no other option. And I'm very grateful to the staff for their limitless kindness. I do agree though that it's the management who set the tone. Perhaps it being a not-for-profit helps with that.

This practice is regarded as patronising, sexist and ageist and not client centered. It is also unprofessional. People of all ages should be spoken to using whichever form of address they prefer. This has been known about for many years now and there is no excuse to keep doing it. If CQC hear you doing it they would come down very heavily on you and certainly recommend training to ensure clients are spoken to in a respectful manner.

I can't get myself worked up over people using terms of endearment while supporting others, any more than I would have been upset about nurses and porters calling me "my lovely" and "darling" last time I needed to be in hospital.

Does it not occur to you that those terms fall within people's natural speech patterns? Or that carers build mutually rewarding and affectionate relationships with the people they look after, every day for years at a time?

Did you actually ask any of the service users whether they mind being referred to in this way before you decided to whistleblow on all these care homes?

If you read my post I have never once mentioned terms of endearment or said i had whistleblown

This practice is regarded as patronising, sexist and ageist and not client centered. It is also unprofessional. People of all ages should be spoken to using whichever form of address they prefer. This has been known about for many years now and there is no excuse to keep doing it. If CQC hear you doing it they would come down very heavily on you and certainly recommend training to ensure clients are spoken to in a respectful manner.

Erm, what???! Calling someone “babes”??? I think you’ll find CQC have more pressing issues, babes! I couldn’t give a shiny crap what they think about this. DFOD!!!!

You do what? You should stop that. Address them as a person of equal standing who deserves your respect. Not a mate down the pub.

Right, except you just said that you would whistleblow on every single home...

Actually, what are you even on about? If you see something that is actually serious enough to whistleblow about, then you fucking well get on with it. Otherwise you have no need to bring the word into it at all.

If you hear a professional saying someone "stinks", you should be challenging that practice on the spot. I've never encountered that sort of behaviour, but I feel confident that if I did, I could address it adequately without the need for escalation.

You don't like people saying they have favourites. They'll carry on having favourite service users and the service users will equally have favourite members of staff, regardless of whether they mention it. You can be offended by it, or you can drill down into what carers really mean when they say it. Usually what they mean is "I'm really enjoying working with this person, and am building a positive relationship."

You don't like the word "cute", but then you use "sweet" and "endearing." Do you really think that's less patronising? Or do you disagree with your co-workers expressing warm, affectionate feelings towards the service users?

I think too often people are fooled by fancy decoration, plush furniture, fancy menus etc. Often where these exist it's at the expense of additional staff. The place my dad was in could have done with a lick of paint and new furniture but the staff always had time to talk and the activities coordinator was great. The food was simple and basic but well cooked and enjoyed. When he was able Dad always knew if he didn't like anything on the menu they would do something else and when he wasn't the staff knew what he liked if he refused a dish.

In summary it's the staff that matter most.

I've worked in loads of care homes and I've got to say it put the fear into me. I'd rather die alone than go into a care home I really would. The majority treat the residents like nothing, wheeling them about, getting them up because its time to get up, shoving them to bed because it's time for bed, usually against the clock because there are so many more residents to do the same with and so few staff. Aside from the fact that practically anyone can get a job as a care assistant, which is scary because in my opinion you have to be a certain sort of person to do the job well. The whole of the elderly care system needs to be taken over by NHS, pay rises, more thorough recruitment, and better standard of care across the board.

Caring can be a pretty unpleasant job for rubbish pay, so it's probably easy to become jaded and end up mistreating residents. Maybe if the work was valued more and the pay higher, it would attract more caring people

And it also needs to stop being used as a last resort job or as a tool to threaten UC claimants with. If a care worker who has been found to have been abusive to residents was only there in the first place because it was take the job or be sanctioned then the Job Centre should be held partly responsible.

@Itwillbeok1 Where the fuck have you been for the last two years. Keep an eye on them? How!! Care homes are still being locked down.

What an awful attitude you have. Typical of the many kinds of people that I had the misfortune to encounter in my care home days. The sort of people who believe they know best, but who lack the education to even be able to comprehend that what they're doing is wrong.

My ex was my "carer" for ten years, and I presume used this to sell their lack of employment history when they applied for a job in a care home. In reality he was an abusive alcoholic for our entire relationship.

He does personal care and not only describes residents in detail but also talks about "old lady vaginas" in general conversation.

It was hard enough escaping it when I'm fully corpus mentis, the pain I feel for the women in this dementia-specialist care home is indescribable.
There is nothing I can do without evidence of his treatment of me.

My mum’s care home was wonderful. Absolutely beyond criticism. It didn’t bother her or me that they used affectionate terms to her. If that’s the worst thing that’s happening in a care home it’s doing bloody well.

The “stinking” comment is appalling, though.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation , you also have the most dreadful attitude and don’t know wtf you are talking about. I don’t have to justify myself to you in any way whatsoever or lower myself to your bitchiness, but needless to say, I’m probably better educated than you. I won’t mention my unis or number of qualifications, as it’s not relevant.

And all because I admitted that I call people “babes “.

Come on now, babes, get a grip; there’s a frigging war going on!

Except there is something you can do. You can report the way he speaks about residents to safeguarding and CQC - if that's too daunting you can start by calling Age UK about it and getting a bit of advice about the best way forward. You know of someone abusive, who is verbally contemptful and abusive about vulnerable people that he is paid to look after. That is what you can do.

Well I for one have no issues with anybody calling the residents they look after babes, love or anything else just as some of the residents call the carers dear and love. Honestly - we're talking about actual abuse and neglect in this thread and safeguarding - that kind of thing really isn't an issue and no it doesn't show a tip of the iceberg or lead to worse atrocities. If that's all people have to worry about it in a nursing or care home than, like someone said above, they are doing very well. If a resident or family member has an issue they can just say 'don't call her/him/me babes' and then the carer/admin would, hopefully, remember not to do it again. But I bet the families don't raise that stuff, they'll be too pleased that the nursing home isn't anyway near as bad as they feared or they have seen a safeguarding concern and are thinking of the best way of dealing with it/getting advice/ reporting it/stressing and worrying themselves silly over it and have no space whatsoever for worrying if someone is calling their family member love.

My family member isn't in a not for profit - so privately run care homes can have a good ethos too. :-)

Thank you

But that poster is giving her experiences based on the care homes she has been in - a small percentage of all the care homes in the UK, probably in the area she lives in, and she's presenting it like it's a fact about all care homes. It was right that she was pulled up on it.

Not sure what to make of her talking about her mum managing them. Presumably she's not saying those ones are/were terrible.