To ask what you think of this situation and who's being unreasonable?

[HillProp]

John is married to Lisa who he shares DC with. He also shares DC with Kate (so Lisa's DSC). Lisa works part time (although not massively part time to be fair!) due to young DC so tends to take on more childcare for all of the children than John.

Whenever there is an argument between John and Lisa, one of Lisa's responses is that John do X Y or Z for his own kids from now on. For example: 'You can cook for your own kid from now on' meaning her DSC. She will say this even if DSC are there.

Lisa's DSC have told their Mum, Kate, about this who has now told John she's annoyed about this and thinks it's cruel of Lisa. DSC generally like Lisa and they get on well typically.

Lisa feels like John leaves a lot of his children's care to her and this is her retaliation when things blow up between them although it isn't always actually anything to do with the DC but this is her way of 'getting to him', by refusing to do anything for his older DC.

Who's unreasonable?

Lisa for using DSCs care as a means to punish John?

Or Kate for having a go at John about this comment?

Or options 3.. John for putting too much onto Lisa in relation to his older DC?

Kate doesn't have a partner so does sometimes rely on Lisa as well.

Wow. She has a nerve.

Kate doesn't have a partner so does sometimes rely on Lisa as well.

So as suspected, Lisa is being used for free childcare 🙄 John and Kate are both CFs!

There’s a simultaneous thread running right now where the OP is providing free childcare to her friend and the friend is criticising what/how she feeds the child. It’s basically unanimous that the friend is cheeky as fuck for wanting to criticise while taking free childcare. I don’t see how this is any different. If Kate and John don’t like Lisa’s free childcare services they can look after their own kids.

So which one is your sister OP?

And John?

Levels of parenting effort?

tendency towards piss taking more generally?

Disney dad?

John doesn't make enough effort imo, he seems to think because Lisa does most of the care for their children that she should do it for his as well and not differentiate between them whereas Lisa sees her DSC as what should be John's responsibility and she's helping him with that. Imo he leaves too much of the care for ALL the DC on Lisa's shoulders using his full time working as an excuse to do wo. Lisa doesn't seem to mind as much doing the majority care for her own DC but that doesn't really extend to her stepDC and she does appear to be getting resentful of that side of things.

Perhaps saying Kate relies on her too is unfair. She has actually told John in the past he leaves too much to Lisa in regards to their children. But then if John can't do something like an extra day for DC etc.. for whatever reason, she will ask Lisa as she knows she is sometimes at home anyway.

Woman in asking another woman for help shocker.

Perhaps saying Kate relies on her too is unfair. She has actually told John in the past he leaves too much to Lisa in regards to their children. But then if John can't do something like an extra day for DC etc.. for whatever reason, she will ask Lisa as she knows she is sometimes at home anyway.

That is still her expecting too much of her, though. She agrees that John does this and then contributes to it.

The DSC are also unreasonable for reporting back to their Mum conversations that are happening at Dad's!

All of them!

Or taking advantage of another woman and contributing to her already overloaded mental health.

I’d say in these circumstances it is pretty shocking. Kate probably knows what her ex is like and knows what things will be like for Lisa, and yet she herself still relies on Lisa. And given her latest reaction to Lisa being at the end of her tether, I hope she doesn’t ask for help from her in future.

Or taking advantage of another woman and contributing to her already overloaded mental health.

Yep! Exactly that.

Option 3, the other two options would be minimised if John pulled his finger out.

Poor bloody kids.

Just another case of the children baring the brunt of shitty adult behaviour all round really.

If Lisa wants do do less-and she should, she needs to be a grownup and tell her husband and not make the children feel like unwanted garbage.

John needs to parent his children himself and cut his hours if needed. He needs to stop relying on Lisa and making his children feel like shit in a game of pass the bomb.

Kate needs to only communicate with the other parent of her children and not rely on Lisa!

Lisa is bringing taken advantage of, but loses all respect for saying deliberately hurtful things in front of the children.

Woman in asking another woman for help shocker.

I didn't get much of a sense of "asking". The word used was "relies on". In other words, takes the fucking piss and expects her to help out, rather than asks.

Did you miss this bit of the OP

Lisa's DSC have told their Mum, Kate, about this who has now told John she's annoyed about this and thinks it's cruel of Lisa.

Asking for help, yet calling the person helping "cruel" is the actions of a CF.

This is nonsense.

How on earth is this Kate's fault?

Says who? We still have no idea who OP is.

how many times do we read threads about the ex being a 'psycho' and she isnt? why are we automatically siding with Lisa because shes a woman?

Nonsense.

Lisa was cruel about the kids. that was a nasty thing to say. Whether Kate has 'asked' for help is irrelevant.

Because Kate recognises Lisa has too much on her plate but is still happy to take advantage of her for her own means.

It’s blindingly obvious where Kate is at fault.

She’s contributing to Lisa’s already overloaded mental health by using her as childcare when Lisa is already in a tough situation. It just shouldn’t be happening. Then when you add her latest response to Lisa, all of it together just shows her complete lack of empathy, respect and understanding of Lisa’s position.
I get she’s thinking about her children, but she also needs to understand that another woman shouldn’t be run in to the ground to keep her satisfied.

Lisa shouldn’t be making comments like that in front of the children, she’ll make them resent her when they grow up. John should be doing more for his children than he currently is. Kate isn’t BU to be annoyed at Lisa’s remarks.

why are we automatically siding with Lisa because shes a woman?

I'm not siding with Lisa because she's a woman; I'm siding with her because she's the only one looking after kids who aren't hers and being taken advantage of! I'd say the same whatever her sex - it has nothing to do with it.

Unless you tell us which one is your sister, we won't know how you've skewed this and can't give useful answers.

John is a waster.
Kate got rid of him and shouldn't be imposing on Lisa.

Lisa is a fool to have married such a waster.

Lisa should not be saying things like that in front of the SC, that is SO wrong.

Lisa should unilaterally stop ALL childcare for SC, and should focus on her own children and dump John's ass asap.