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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is suspicious or am I being paranoid

101 replies

onamountain · 30/04/2022 18:13

Me and DH both have a house key, we then have two family members locally who have spares.

This morning I went out with both DC, leaving DH to take the dog for a walk (she’s very young and was hyper!). I took my key in case he was out when we got back.

When we got back I noticed that DH’s key wasn’t in the key pot (don’t think it had been when I went out either). I asked him where was his key and he said he had accidentally left it in his car yesterday, didn’t think much of it.

I later thought to ask him which key he used to lock up when he took the dog out in the morning, he said he used the spare. I said I didn’t know there was a spare and could he show me where it is, he tried to distract me away from the topic. So I started looking through the key cupboard and trying all the unlabelled keys, explaining that I just wanted to make sure we knew where all the keys were. He became definitely shirty at this point, and I asked him to show me which key he used to lock up - none of them fit the lock.

At this point he became quite defensive, asked why I was being paranoid and what I was suspicious had been going on. I said I wasn’t sure but had a sense I was being lied to and felt uncomfortable about it. He said it was a small detail and didn’t matter, it was that small that he couldn’t even remember what key he used to lock up and that I was being ridiculous and should leave it.

We left the conversation there and he’s now in a grump with me. I just feel uneasy about it but not sure why or what I’m concerned he has done. I’m fairly sure he took the dog out as she was much calmer and seemed tired when I got back.

AIBU?

OP posts:
VerifiedBot2351 · 30/04/2022 18:17

What are you suspicious of? Maybe he’s lost his key.

Barneysma2 · 30/04/2022 18:18

Well what i get from this is he went out walking the dog but didnt lock the door as he had left his key in the car and when you asked him about how he locked the door he made up about a spare key as he prob thought youd have a go at him for leaving the door unlocked!

OwlinaTree · 30/04/2022 18:20

Barneysma2 · 30/04/2022 18:18

Well what i get from this is he went out walking the dog but didnt lock the door as he had left his key in the car and when you asked him about how he locked the door he made up about a spare key as he prob thought youd have a go at him for leaving the door unlocked!

Yes I agree with this.

AntarcticTern · 30/04/2022 18:22

Yes I agree. He left the door unlocked and didn't want to tell you!

Maydaysoonenough · 30/04/2022 18:23

He left the door open.

Canhearthemice · 30/04/2022 18:24

He left it unlocked and didn't want to admit it

CuriousCatfish · 30/04/2022 18:28

He probably left the door unlocked and knew you would make a fuss about it if he told you that.

You made a fuss about spare keys anyway, so he might as well tell you the truth.

Ops1 · 30/04/2022 18:29

Are you suspicious he left the door unlocked? Do you live in a particularly risky area?

I must admit I had to collect dd from her class today dh was out and I couldn’t find the key that usually attached to one set of car keys because dh had taken it off the ring when he went out last night and I left the door unlocked and no one at home but I live in a quiet cul-de-sac and don’t worry about opportunistic burglars in the middle of the day where I live but if it had been my old house on a busy main road that door was ALWAYS locked wither we were home or not!

HollowTalk · 30/04/2022 18:33

I can picture you with a torch aimed at his eyes.

Tothemoonandbackx · 30/04/2022 18:35

You clearly knew he'd gone out without locking up, who goes to that much effort by trying loads of different keys, you purposefully made him feel uncomfortable enough that he didnt want to tell you (even though no one should leave doors unlocked), why didn't you just outright ask him, it's not that hard??????

worraliberty · 30/04/2022 18:36

HollowTalk · 30/04/2022 18:33

I can picture you with a torch aimed at his eyes.

😂😂😂

BritWifeInUSA · 30/04/2022 18:36

Do you have another door that you can get in and out of? Back door, patio door, etc? Maybe he went that way to take the dog and didn’t want to tell you because he thought you’d give him the Spanish Inquisition.

i don’t think his key is in the car. Who has a loose house key in the car? If he drove there surely it’s on the bunch with the car keys. I think he’s lost the key and doesn’t want to admit it.

Somethingyesterday · 30/04/2022 18:39

Oh dear.

Is he usually so cavalier with your household security? Doesn’t it invalidate your insurance if you’ve left your door unlocked? Presumably you have things in the house you couldn’t bear to lose? Imagine if you’d had confidential work documents stolen …

It was a stupid thing to do - but it would be much better if he simply admitted it.

cloudcats · 30/04/2022 18:40

YANBU to be uncomfortable about being lied to.

Ignore the handmaidens here who will be over backwards to make it your fault, somehow.

Honesty is the minimum we should expect in a relationship. Has he got a key now? How is he getting in and out of the house?

FOJN · 30/04/2022 18:40

I also think he went out and left the door unlocked. Where was his car with the key in it. I'd be annoyed if someone went out and left the door unlocked but mostly because insurance wouldn't cover losses from an unlocked house but I'd be more pissed off about the lying, it's such a pointless thing to do.

mumda · 30/04/2022 18:40

Not locking a door invalidates insurance.

PortalooSunset · 30/04/2022 18:42

He either didn't take the dog out or he left the door unlocked. He told you he'd used a spare to avoid a row, which obvs backfired.

Sally090807 · 30/04/2022 18:52

If his door key was in his car why didn’t he just get it from his car.

Blarting · 30/04/2022 18:59

mumda · 30/04/2022 18:40

Not locking a door invalidates insurance.

Assuming they break in through the door..... which is probably highly unlikely when sone one is out for a dog walk!

SpindleInTheWind · 30/04/2022 19:01

He's talking shite. But you know this.

Blarting · 30/04/2022 19:01

onamountain · 30/04/2022 18:13

Me and DH both have a house key, we then have two family members locally who have spares.

This morning I went out with both DC, leaving DH to take the dog for a walk (she’s very young and was hyper!). I took my key in case he was out when we got back.

When we got back I noticed that DH’s key wasn’t in the key pot (don’t think it had been when I went out either). I asked him where was his key and he said he had accidentally left it in his car yesterday, didn’t think much of it.

I later thought to ask him which key he used to lock up when he took the dog out in the morning, he said he used the spare. I said I didn’t know there was a spare and could he show me where it is, he tried to distract me away from the topic. So I started looking through the key cupboard and trying all the unlabelled keys, explaining that I just wanted to make sure we knew where all the keys were. He became definitely shirty at this point, and I asked him to show me which key he used to lock up - none of them fit the lock.

At this point he became quite defensive, asked why I was being paranoid and what I was suspicious had been going on. I said I wasn’t sure but had a sense I was being lied to and felt uncomfortable about it. He said it was a small detail and didn’t matter, it was that small that he couldn’t even remember what key he used to lock up and that I was being ridiculous and should leave it.

We left the conversation there and he’s now in a grump with me. I just feel uneasy about it but not sure why or what I’m concerned he has done. I’m fairly sure he took the dog out as she was much calmer and seemed tired when I got back.

AIBU?

YABU, you don't even know what you're worried about!

TottersBlankly · 30/04/2022 19:11

Blarting, it is not necessary to quote the OP in full prior to responding. If everyone did that threads would be completely unreadable.

Cherrysherbet · 30/04/2022 19:15

We went out and left the door unlocked.

Yotrotro · 30/04/2022 19:26

Mountain out of a molehill. Sounds like he's either lost his keys or they are actually in his car and he didn't bother going to get them to lock up when he left. Either way, bit worrying that he couldn't have just told you that? Do you normally make a big deal out of things like this or was your reaction just because you knew you were being lied to? If the latter, why not just ask him outright?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/04/2022 20:05

He didn't bother walking the dog. Probably kicked it out into the garden whilst he had some special time in the shower or watched some online videos.

I wouldn't jump to he left the dog whilst he visited his mistress and dropped his key down the back of her sofa right away. Although he does seem to be reacting very strongly...