AIBU to think this is suspicious or am I being paranoid

[onamountain]

Me and DH both have a house key, we then have two family members locally who have spares.

This morning I went out with both DC, leaving DH to take the dog for a walk (she’s very young and was hyper!). I took my key in case he was out when we got back.

When we got back I noticed that DH’s key wasn’t in the key pot (don’t think it had been when I went out either). I asked him where was his key and he said he had accidentally left it in his car yesterday, didn’t think much of it.

I later thought to ask him which key he used to lock up when he took the dog out in the morning, he said he used the spare. I said I didn’t know there was a spare and could he show me where it is, he tried to distract me away from the topic. So I started looking through the key cupboard and trying all the unlabelled keys, explaining that I just wanted to make sure we knew where all the keys were. He became definitely shirty at this point, and I asked him to show me which key he used to lock up - none of them fit the lock.

At this point he became quite defensive, asked why I was being paranoid and what I was suspicious had been going on. I said I wasn’t sure but had a sense I was being lied to and felt uncomfortable about it. He said it was a small detail and didn’t matter, it was that small that he couldn’t even remember what key he used to lock up and that I was being ridiculous and should leave it.

We left the conversation there and he’s now in a grump with me. I just feel uneasy about it but not sure why or what I’m concerned he has done. I’m fairly sure he took the dog out as she was much calmer and seemed tired when I got back.

AIBU?

He left the door unlocked....or maybe has lost his key and doesn't want to admit that to you (because you seem like you'd go nuts either way, sorry) So he's trying to BS his way out of it for a quiet life...

He’s lying, my ex was like that. I don’t understand why people make up these sorts of silly lies in a relationship but it gets to be a habit and you won’t know when you can believe him and when you can’t.

So why bother locking the door ever on that basis? Do you go out all the time and leave the door unlocked? Of course there's a small chance. We still all have locks on doors.

There clearly is a split of people who think an unlocked house/a lost key is no big deal and those of us who think it's quite important to know if that is the case so we can sort it out/find the key or change the locks.

I'd not be mad if boyfriend lost his key, we'd change the locks but if he lied about it and left us vulnerable to being burgled for a while, I'd be very annoyed.

I would be pissed off too OP, although I agree he probably just left the door unlocked. I wouldn't like the dismissiveness of being fobbed off and lied to, particularly about the security of my own home. So according to him there is a key to my home in existence that I didn't know about, and I'm not allowed to know where it is or who might have access to it. No I wouldn't be happy about that

I cannot imagine being subject to this level of scrutiny and interrogation in my own home. It would be intolerable.

He's lost the key

He doesn't want to tell you that

He left the door unlocked because he's lost the key

Same.

But would you not admit you lost a key and therefore the locks may need replacing? /insurance potentially invalid.

We don’t know that he’s lost the key though. Maybe he was just lazy and couldn’t be arsed to get it out of the car. And if I had a partner like the OP comes across, I probably wouldn’t admit it, no. More aggro than it’s worth.

I also wouldn’t have asked the question in the first place to be honest. I don’t walk in the house and check the key spot for keys. It just wouldn’t be on my radar.

Firstly, we don’t know that’s what happened.
Secondly, if the OP’s response to this was a typical example of how she reacts, then I might think twice about what I’d be telling her tbh, even though that’s not exactly a constructive approach.

Obviously the more you leave it open, the more chance there is that someone will break in. So no, I wouldn’t leave it open every time I went out. Higher opportunity = higher chance.
I also couldn’t get worked up about it being left open once while someone took the dog for a walk. The chances of someone trying the door on that day, at that time, are extremely slim.
Plus the OP already knew that they hadn’t been broken into, as she was home. So no harm done.
Honestly if people spend their lives getting worked up about things like this they must be in a constant state of stress. I couldn’t live like that.

I was just about to say the same.

Why are you so paranoid OP? Is there some backstory here we don't know about? Because I can't say I'd notice who had keys, where the keys were if we had a spare.

Also reminds me of that film "He's Just Not That Into You" when the woman suspects her husband is cheating but gets obsessively fixated on the fact that he might be secretly smoking.

It just doesn't seem a normal reaction to a situation.

YABU

Not really, It's a perfect time to burgle a house - see them leave the house with the dog, that means there's at least a twenty minute window of opportunity, get in, get the laptops, car/spare keys and any cash/valuables, out and off to Cash Converters by lunchtime, come back for the car and anything a bit heavy but still worth having a bit later.

It's why so many burglaries are committed during the school run or just after 9am/2.30pm - the times when the least number of people are likely to be in a home and the least likely to have neighbours around to spot anything unusual.

Getting hung up on whether or not the house was left unlocked isn't really the problem. The problem appears to be the OPs key fixation. I mean who actually questions their partner about keys, unless they knock on the door. It is so far off of most people's radar, they are trying to understand it and reassure OP that it isn't a major issue.

Unless there is a massive back story like he has given his key to a mistress or the local drug dealer or something then why would you feel the need to ask anybody where their keys are?

She had got home by the time this conversation all happened. They hadn’t been burgled.
Honestly I know we’re all different and it’s not up to me what people should or shouldn’t get worked up about. I’m just saying I couldn’t live with that level of stress about minor issues where no harm was done. It must be exhausting.

He left the door unlocked and lied because he's frightened of you. Your behaviour was really quite discomforting. If this is typical of you, this will not he the first time he's lied, and won't be the last.

In fairness to the OP, we don’t actually know whether he lies because she has form for being completely OTT like in this situation, or if she acts like she does because he has form for lying/gaslighting.
But it seems she’s left the thread so we probably won’t find out!

Fair point well made.

He threw a tennis ball out of the window and had a crafty wank. And he would have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for your pesky key jar.

I agree he didn't lock the door.

He didn't walk the dog