to not want to be made to feel weird for wanting to start a family at 28

[cardiffgal22]

Looking for genuine opinions! I recently got married and myself and DH are hoping to start TTC in the next few months. I’m 28 and DH is 29. We currently have quite an active social life and love spending time with our friends however most of my close friends are single and in a completely different place to myself. We enjoy the odd drink but all our friends drink a lot and are at the pub or partying every weekend. Any time babies are brought up, they all laugh at the idea and say that they can’t think of anything worse and that they definitely don’t want to have children for another 10 years at least. Which is completely fair enough as everyone does things differently but I’m always made to feel like we’re settling down really early and that its odd and that there’s way more to life than starting a family? I have spent the past 10 years partying but have now had enough and don’t feel like I will be missing out at all by starting a family. I also wonder whether they have considered the possibility that it might be more difficult to TTC at the age of 38, especially if they want more than one! I still feel young but think 28 is definitely a normal age to want to start a family?

Was in a similar position when I married at 24 and had baby at 26, 30 now and those friends still haven't changed! Just different life choices and not weird!

I was ready at 28, my DH wasn't so I didn't til 31 but I was also done with partying.

OP also someone in a friendship group has to have a baby first - usually then everyone else starts to think about it!

I was in the same position at that age, decided to live my own life and not wait for everyone else, cracked on and had kids, made an effort to stay in touch so still got my mates. Now they're having their babies while I'm getting my life back, but I'm glad I've been there done that, wouldn't fancy it now.
I will say a few of them have had fertility struggles but they do all have kids now.
You do you!

@cornflakedreams I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to offend anyone? I am definitely not being judgemental and would never want or expect my friends to make the same life choices as me! As stated in my post, everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way of doing things! I was merely asking for opinions of whether 28 is too early to start a family, from those who mostly do have children as all my friends seem to have the same opinion. You say that I have asked for different opinions and that is correct, but I can’t see how you have offered one yourself? You have just criticised me. My post wasn’t meant to offend anyone!

Why do you care so much about what your friends do and think? If you are mature enough to have a baby then you should be mature enough to have your own mind. Biologically you are at your most fertile right now, so if you feel ready then go for it.

I agree with this they're comments don't read as judgemental
if anything OP you are the judgemental one why are you judging other people fertility?

@MotherOfRatios I’m not judging other people’s fertility? It’s a fact that fertility declines from mid-30s onwards, earlier for some people. I myself don’t want to take that risk but it’s nothing to do with me if other people choose to wait! As per my original post, everyone is different and that’s ok! I also never said that I want or expect people to copy me lol. I just don’t want to be made to feel weird for wanting something that plenty of other people experience at my age. I’m not expecting everyone to agree that now is the ‘right’ or ‘normal’ time, I have just been asking for opinions from people who have experienced it themselves who can offer some advice

It comes across that you are judging by saying have they considered their fertility, it's none of your business
If you want a child have one but don't judge your friends for wanting to not have children

This for me as well. Had my first at 26, second at 27 & married at 29.
You're clearly in a different stage in your life and that's okay. Once you have a child/ren your priorities will change and you may not even have the same friends either and that's okay too. 😊

We were the first of our friendship group to stop partying and have our first at 29. I made new mum friends with local mums through baby groups and NCT. We stayed in touch with the old group who all came round to ours regularly and loved the baby when she arrived.

About 3 or so years later they all gradually started having there own as they felt they were ready. One of the guys actually said it had helped seeing us with ours as the idea of having a baby had seemed really daunting but we had shown that it wasn't so scary and that babies aren't alien beings.

Finally, we had our 3rd 10 years later and I struggled more with the sleepless nights and definitely didn't have as much energy coping with the toddler years. I can also say that sometimes battling with the teenagers takes up just as much energy but just in a different way, and I'm not looking forward to doing that with my youngest when I'm in my 50's.

OP I think if you know you're ready, you should go for it and not worry what your friends are saying. Some of them might not want a family at all or some might secretly be thinking of it themselves but are just going along with the crowd!

If your friends leave it til they are 38 to have children, and their children do the same, they will be 76 before they get their first grandchild. Assuming they are still alive to see them, they may well be too tired or unwell to babysit or enjoy them properly, and will almost certainly not live to see them leave school.
OP, you should have children when you feel ready, regardless of whether your friends are. You may find you start a trend, anyway!

I had my two at 29 and 31, and for me the time was right. My cousin had her children around the same time as me but she was 38 when her first was born. She openly admits that she wishes she'd been my age when they started; physically her body is taking a heavy toll (chasing toddlers in your 40s is no mean feat) and she employs a full time nanny to help her cope.

Although I suppose the upside of having children later is she's actually able to afford the full time nanny!

I'm 34 now and most of my friends have children. I was one of the earlier ones, but it's funny how quickly the pub/party diehards all followed suit!

I did it at 25. I had a house, a great job, it was a great time to do it. Didn't bother telling anyone. Idiots just offer opinions and who wants that?