to not want to be made to feel weird for wanting to start a family at 28

[cardiffgal22]

Looking for genuine opinions! I recently got married and myself and DH are hoping to start TTC in the next few months. I’m 28 and DH is 29. We currently have quite an active social life and love spending time with our friends however most of my close friends are single and in a completely different place to myself. We enjoy the odd drink but all our friends drink a lot and are at the pub or partying every weekend. Any time babies are brought up, they all laugh at the idea and say that they can’t think of anything worse and that they definitely don’t want to have children for another 10 years at least. Which is completely fair enough as everyone does things differently but I’m always made to feel like we’re settling down really early and that its odd and that there’s way more to life than starting a family? I have spent the past 10 years partying but have now had enough and don’t feel like I will be missing out at all by starting a family. I also wonder whether they have considered the possibility that it might be more difficult to TTC at the age of 38, especially if they want more than one! I still feel young but think 28 is definitely a normal age to want to start a family?

@Villagewaspbyke we bought our house nearly two years ago and are both in stable careers which is why we feel now is the right time ☺️

We had our first child when I was 26. we were well ahead of all our other friends. Lots of people said we were too young to get married, have a child etc
Now my son is 17. We are in our 40s. My friends all have much younger children - primary school. And that’s totally fine for them. But we are looking forward to being in a position where our children are are nearly ready to leave home. And we are young enough to travel/enjoy life.

@sonicred I do think about this as it would be lovely to have a baby around the same time as other friends and agree that it would probably be quite hard being on such different pages! I live in a city so hope to join some baby groups if/when the time comes to make some ‘mum friends’ that way ☺️

yes you can defo make new friends.

Thank you @DisappointingAvocado thats very reassuring 😊 especially making new friends with an age gap and it not being an issue!

Perfectly normal OP

There are people who are mid 30s and looking or started to use IVF.
The difference between your age and theirs is only about 7 years.

I was 22 when we started to ttc, my baby was born 6 weeks before my 26th birthday. If kids are a priority for you, I’d start now. Your friends sound annoying!

@SJ179 DH’s family are exactly the same! Lots of probing questions and comments - when we bought our house a couple of years ago I showed them our dressing room and straight away they were like ‘oh how perfect for a nursery!’ so sometimes I also feel like I’m getting on and need to start soon!! Especially as they are 10 years older than my parents and I know would really like grandchildren

I had my third when I was 28, I'm still young enough to have fun with grandchildren. My friend who has hers later in life finds her parents are too elderly to interact with their grandchildren in the way I can with mine.

That's the age I started my family, as did my mother. It seems perfectly normal to me. I didn't want to wait until I was in my thirties, I just wanted to have a family. I was ready - had a degree, established a career, found and married a good man, bought a house - so I went ahead and had my first DS at 29. I finished my family at 33, before some of my friends had even started theirs.

28 is a normal age to start a family! If you're in a good place then if course. I'm 45 and when I was at school, for me and my friends 28 was thè perfect age to have a baby. It didn't work out for me and I was 35 in the end.

Someone in the friendship group has to be the first. If your friends are settled in happy relationships they are very unlikely to wait 10 years. Watch them hit 30 and see if any of them change their minds!

OP, I was 29 when I was pregnant with DC1, and I was described as "elderly" on my pregnancy notes. My mum then rubbed it in by telling me it was true, because she was 20 when she had me.

I think anyone who leaves it until 38 is bonkers, though. If you and your DH are settled and happy, go for it.

One thing I discovered post-children is that nobody cares how old you are once you have children of the same age. Some of my friends are 10 years younger than I am, and others are 10 years older. The bonding thing is having children of the same ages. You might also find that your old friends largely fall away, but you will make new ones. That's the way it goes.

I think it’s a good age. I was 34 and now felt that’s too old when I think of the future. Had my last at 44 which is scary to think of how old I’ll be when Dc is a teen and may not last for when they start having D.C.

Do it! Perfect age.

Having dc is your 40s is not that unusual looking in the past. The difference is woman just had more children & started earlier

Your friends aren't thinking about you. They're thinking about them. Most people are. So don't let them 'make you feel' anything. You do what's right for you and DH and your friends will do what's right for themselves. As they're single or not yet married, they're quite right to laugh off the idea of them having kids right now. You're in a different space, but still within the realms of 'normality'. You may take a while to have a DC and some of them may catch you up. Nobody knows or can plan for that stuff. But you'll be almost 30 and that's pretty normal now. Their responses aren't about that though. They're about you setting off alarm bells that parenthood is in the ether and it can be a stressful prospect for many. So just do what you do. You may end up drifting away from them or not. Life is unpredictable, as DC will show you.

I was pregnant with DS1 at 29. I'm 48 now and he's about to be 18. I also have 10y old DS pregnant at 37/8 and a "geriatric" mother 😂 Anyway, if it helps I wish I'd had them all closer as it's very tiring nearing 50 and I'm a bit "well jel" of all my friends who are getting their freedom back whilst I've still got years of child rearing. Do what feels right for you - you will meet new friends along the way - it will all work out!

28 is a normal age to start TTC. I had my first DC at 25, my youngest in my early 30s (and one in-between). The sleepless nights were easier when I was younger.

I had two kids by your age. I’m 38 now, and none of my original group of friends have had kids. But they’re still my friends, we’ve had loads of good times together over the years, I’ve just largely left my kids out of it. And made loads of new friends who do have kids - the best of both worlds. Do what suits you and your DH, no one else really matters. You’ll find the people you need one way or another!

We started TTC when I was 28, it took till I was 32 to have a baby after multiple rounds of IVF. We wanted a second child but by 35 I was in peri-menopause and my eggs were all shite.

I'd only advise ppl to wait if they'd be OK with it not happening for them.

I'm 28 and currently pregnant. Half my friends are settled down and have kids and half are still out partying and shagging guys off Tinder. Just do what's right for you and your DH and your friends may surprise you and welcome the baby and be great aunties. If not you can find other mum friends and wait until they start having kids and come running to you for advice 🤣

It’s totally fine for you to want kids at 28, totally fine for them to not be able to think of anything worse! I think you’ll probably end up drifting a bit as you’ll be into different things and they might not be into spending lots of time with babies, but you’ll definitely make lots of mum friends. If you’re ready go for it! But don’t make comments to them about their fertility, that sounds judgemental from your side.

I was 28 when I had my first and 34 almost 35 by the time I had my third. I personally am glad that I had them at the ages I was. I couldn’t think of anything worse than starting a family 10 years after I did tbh. You’re friends are just in a different place to you and that’s fine. They aren’t you or your partner so their opinions don’t really need to influence what you both want. Just as your opinion of having children at 38 won’t influence their decision. Have fun expanding the family 😉 😊

I definitely feel like it's a normal age and my friendship group have all been on that same page of marrying and having kids in their late 20s if I'm honest - so please don't feel like it's unusual 💗. I had my DDs at 29 and 32 and the timing has felt really good and natural for us. Also, even though it is not a huge gap, i'm already feeling a bit older in my body since having my first - so I'm thankful I've had my little ones fairly young - you need a lot of energy for the baby and toddler years. There is SO much fun and adventure to be had with children too - and the benefit of having them young is you will also still be young and ready for a second wind of adult adventures when they are grown up! Wishing you all the best on the next chapter, very exciting X