AIBU - to just be sick of men

[mamabear449]

Long story short I split from my abusive ex almost 2 years ago. I've been seeing someone new who's a lot older than me for a year now. He's very kind, loving and when he's at his best makes me feel amazing. I suffer from chronically low self worth and have a tendency to ignore the shit things people do to me and focus on the good as I have a fear of being abandoned.

Going through therapy at the moment and I'm starting to see my partner now in a way I haven't before and I've just had enough.

He's friends with loads of women from work. Likes girls photos online including 20 Yr old friends of his daughter (He's 50). He constantly shuts down messages on his phone when I enter a room or turn over in bed. Lately he's started spending loads of time out drinking with a 20yr old boy. He frequently doesn't have time to see me and my daughter or stay at my house for long then goes home and is either on his xbox or online messaging god knows who.

I've never raised any of this as an issue as such with him because frankly I can't be bothered with it all.

Aibu to think most men aren't worth bothering with these days and I'm better off alone?

must be one of these said men 😂

What’s sad is how few/if any good men there are.
That’s what sad.

Completely disagree but it seems you are stuck on this view. And that's actually sad, that you have been through a few bad experience to have such a perspective.

This was partly the point I was making below. Most women I know look after their emotional and physical health to some extent. Most men don't, this really starts to show when they hit about 45.

Read the following thread. I would say the OP's husband is an example of how brilliant most men are. I know all my friends have similarly wonderful supportive partners. I cannot imagine women on here doing as much for their in laws as the men I know. So many men spend retirement helping their in laws
www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents/4539392-i-want-to-throw-in-the-towel-please-help

You sound extremely sure of what the future holds for you. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow and lose both of your legs. You could get in the shower this evening and discover a lump in your breast. You could answer the phone when it rings next and it could be the most devastating phone call you have ever received, leaving you emotionally crippled.

Of course, I do not wish any of the above on anyone. I am speaking hypothetically. Generalising by calling men old, fat and moany says a lot about you as a person. It costs nothing to be respectful.

Interestingly it's when they hit about 45 and their lazy lifestyle really starts to show, they still think they can pull attractive 20 year olds. Even though they have little to offer women their own age, never mind women much younger.

No you get lots of nice men out there! It’s good that you’re recognising that you deserve better. Get rid of this guy and don’t entertain this sort of behaviour from anyone else in future….get shot at the first hint of it.

@runnerblade95

FFS I'm having some fun after coming out of LTR with an alcoholic, fat bald, moaner. You sound as though I shouldn't be doing that, as a female. I should accept drudgery and spinsterhood, get a cat and take up needlework or run around and clean up after a lazy, fat, bald moaner and count myself lucky, like all good women do. It's not the 1950s anymore.

Imagine if a guy came on MN said all women over 45 suddenly became lazy and and it really starts to show. As others have said your starting to sound a bit off the scales. 😂

This! There are posters who describe men that plenty of women wouldn't touch with a bargepole. You can't go out with bottom of the barrel scrapings and expect a Prince.

There's little point telling you about men who cook for half the week, can parent their children alone and confidently, take their children to haircuts and dental appointments, who are generous with their affection, who don't message other women.

When we describe our husbands we get called liars, which only shows how desperately deluded some women are. They don't think good men exist, so they go and find some barely sentient fungus in a pub alleyway and complain that he doesn't act like an actual adult should.

I travel for work. My husband doesn't bat an eyelid. School run done, uniforms washed, dinner cooked from scratch, and will plan and book outings for the weekends. Books and pays for any appointments or lessons. A perfectly normal parent and husband and partner.

Plenty of men want nothing more than a cook and a housekeeper. Too many women settle for it.

I am pretty sick of men in general, some of them are decent, unfortunately yours isn't. Ltb

Predictably, this thread has attracted the men's rights activists of mumsnet.

To be sick of this man, no YANBU

to be sick of “men”, you are.

You came out of an abusive relationship, so this one seemed good and it would have been better than the previous but still not good.I’m really glad you are seeing him with new eyes.

There are good men though I think the ratio of women that are great versus men is much higher.

Why do some --men- people get so angry when women express a preference for younger men?

She did not just say that she pretty much labelled every man over 45, believe it or not some of us have loving husbands over 45 that are wonderful. Its a shame you feel the need to stoke hatred between men and women to make yourself feel better.

You're better off alone, than with your current self absorbed bloke. I'm 51 and the thought of trying to meet somebody now makes me cringe. Lots of blokes make out they want a relationship, when all they want is a ONS. As for looks, I'm not shallow but do have certain standards. I seem to get blokes in their late 70s after me!

No, there's many, quite likely the majority. But you won't find them on grim hookup dating apps or lying in a pool of vomit in a nightclub.

If life has given you a series of shit interactions with men, I can only recommend altering your life to get yourself into better places and spaces to meet better people.

Of course, I do not wish any of the above on anyone.

Oh yes you do, otherwise you wouldn't have posted it. Shock, horror, 43 year old woman is having sex with men who are younger and enjoying herself. You thoroughly disapprove. Do you need someone to send you some smelling salts?

OP you seem to have a habit of abusing any one who disagrees with you, just like your opinion of older dates. There may be a trend here and it seems to emanate around you.

@MugOfBuildersTea Please show me where I said or even remotely indicated that you are not entitled to any fun and should be stuck in the house catering for an old, fat, bald-headed moaner as you so politely describe? Nowhere, that’s where. You sound slightly unhinged tbf so I’m going to get on with my day and wish you all the best.

It is lovely to hear they do exist. My ex was and is none of these things as a parent or partner.

Op, well done for recognising that you deserve better.
I concluded a few years ago that the vast majority of men are lazy, selfish, dishonest and untrustworthy.
Now I let a man in to my world for as long as he behaves decently, and adds something positive to my day.
As soon as they start hiding messages, trying to borrow money, expecting me to be free babysitter or domestic while they work or go out with their mates, I eject them from my life. I'm averaging about four months.

Life is much better for regarding them all with deep suspicion 😀

YABU for putting up with ANY of this.
Call it a day and work on making yourself happy. He sounds truly awful.

It's difficult to imagine a scenario where a man made a similar statement and a group of men rushed over to shut him up because women over 45 are brilliant, like his amazing wife.