Anyone up? Newborn help...

[newmuvva]

Every night my 1 week old starts getting grizzly around 8pm. This then escalates into full blown screaming which can go on for hours and makes it impossible to attempt to put him down for sleep at night. During the day he sleeps in a Moses basket well but at night he won't entertain the idea and only settles from his tantrum if he's on either me or dh.

I know it's early days and newborns aren't designed to being alone but what could be causing this pattern of hysterics at night when he seems quite content during the day? And how are you meant to sleep safely with a newborn who won't be put down separately at night? We've taken to sitting up separately with him in shifts as we are worried about him falling asleep in the bed with us, especially as knackered as we both are at the minute.

It's only been a week and I feel spent. How long will this last?!

Colic? www.nhs.uk/conditions/colic/

It will sort itself out.

Whem they are sleeping in the day, do you have the place dark and quiet or are the lights and sounds all around?

Keep the sounds and lights going in the day ,then dark and quiet at night.
They will eventually get a rhythm but it's way too early. Sorry you are having a difficult time. Hang in there!!

Are you breast feeding or bottle feeding ? Babies respond to your hormone levels at night as it's highest and can smell your milk and respond to that, I'm not going to lie but it lasts a good while yet. Baby is also entering a growth spurt at a week old so will be fussy. Have you tried swaddling? when baby falls asleep wait 20 minuets before trying to transfer to the moses basket as they wull have entered a deeper sleep.

Are you using a dummy?

One week olds don't have tantrums! But he is saying he wants to stay close to you.

My first dd1 wouldn't co sleep, so I would swaddle her tightly and I used to put a hot water bottle in her Moses basket while I was feeding her to keep her bed warm, put her back in and rest my hand gently on her while sleeping. Obviously the Moses basket was next to my bed

Dd2 co slept in a sleepy head next to me and dh slept on the sofa bed.

It's very early days, and these are hard days! You're tired and you think it won't get better, but it will.

Could be colic but wouldn't that be the same during the day too? Something is definitely distressing him but it's lots worse at night.

He sleeps in his basket in the living room so light and sounds all around during the day and no issues. Night time it's low lighting (not pitch black).

Currently sat on the sofa wrapped in a blanket with ds finally sleeping in my arms but can't carry on like this.

The hot water bottle in basket to warm up beforehand is a great idea. Also swaddling. He might enjoy that.

Tantrum is the only word I could think of to describe it. Because it just seems like endless frustrated crying/screaming that comes from nowhere with no obvious cause. But yeah I know it's not the same as an actual tantrum.

No dummy. Did try but he wasn't interested.

I began bf but it's been incredibly hard and painful and to begin with I thought that hunger was causing these issues so we've been using formula the past few days. I'm aware of the night time hormone spurt. Could be that maybe.

I just feel at a loss. You get told it's unsafe to co sleep at such a tiny age but similarly sitting up all night holding a sleeping baby doesn't exactly seem sensible either.

The utter feeling of helplessness in the face of a screaming newborn has to be experienced to be believed. You're not alone - although I know it can feel like it, right now at some ungodly hour of the night.

Sounds to me as if you DS might have colic - a bit young for it but still.
It's not a tantrum - he could be in pain from the colic. there's not much you can do for colic. DD would start about 5pm and stop about 11pm, so at least we got some sleep. I tried infracol, feeding lying down, even good ol' fashioned gripe water. Nothing really worked. have you tried swaddling - wrapping the baby firmly in a light blanket. I know some people swear by it. Worth a try.

The thing to re-assure yourself is that your son will remember nothing of this. We did take our DD into bed with us - we have a king size so plenty of room. She was in her baby-gro and we put her on top of the duvet. Are you in contact still with the community midwife (I know they have disappeared in many parts of the country) ? You can check with her or your HV if you're still worried.

Babies change very quickly, so your DS could settle within a couple of weeks - the trouble is, with sleep deprivation, it will seem a lot longer. Hang on in there. Sleep when he sleeps - and if that means you don't get the washing or the house tidying sorted - so be it. With a newborn, get sleep when / where you can.

Take care

It is brutal and you will be utterly exhausted. Shifts is a good idea and you absolutely must try to sleep whenever you can, none of this instamum "I'm cooking Sunday lunch for 17 with my 9day old baby in a sling" nonsense. Everyone existing is the goal for now. Do what you need to do, ask for help if you need it, get takeaways, head to bed anyone offers to hold baby for a bit. If your mum senses suspect there is really something wrong, call your midwife or the GP, but this does sound grimly normal I'm afraid. Congratulations on your new arrival

My daughter is now 5 months old and I've been where you are OP
She had grunting baby syndrome so wouldn't often settle by herself (as you'd expect she is only small!)
For weeks I propped myself up in bed and slept with her in my arms, no extra covers on her and its not regarded as safe sleep but I wouldn't be here if I didn't do that. It was the only thing that worked to get some sleep.
Other things that helped was making the basket warm before putting her down and not having the room pitch pitch black.

It's only been a week ❤️ as long as that sounds for you, your baby has only ever known you. They want to be close to you x

One week olds don't have tantrums! But he is saying he wants to stay close to you

Definitely this!! They are learning all about the world, they've never experienced all things we take for granted.

I've had 2 babies like this, my first wouldn't sleep put down till 3 months. DH and I took it on shifts to sit on the couch with him. So I'd do the 7pm till 3am and DH did 3am till 7.30am. Our second was a bit better, he was only like that for 2 months. He's now 4 months and will do a few hours at a time in the purflo nest.

Look into the 4th trimester, it won't offer practical help, but it went a long way to help me understand why they are the way they are.

This will not last, it feels like hell on earth, but everything with babies is transient and will end at some point!

Hi my 11 week old did this. ( I'm up doing a night feed)
It's called the witching hour and it is horrible.

It's basically a result of baby being over stimulated, over tired, build up of wind and it will settle down over the next few weeks promise.
Try the hot water bottle trick, try baby wearing using a wrap. Try swapping the person settling baby after 15 mins sometimes this change in person does the trick.
Also try skin to skin cuddles and white noise there are some great podcasts on Spotify.
If the above doesn't work try changing nappy sometimes this can shock them out of the crying jag but be warned this one is risky as it can make it worse.
Try getting the baby out in the car of all else fails.
It will stop in a few weeks until then just persevere and know its just a phase some babies go through. My LG is able to get herself to sleep now and has down for the last 2 weeks.
You can absolutely do this and congratulations!

It’s called the witching hour - there are tips for how you can manage it (just Google witching hour babies) but truthfully it’s just one of the many phases you have to get through. A side sleeper pre-warmed with a hot water bottle was the answer for us but it took time - the first few nights I thought DD would never sleep in it. A white noise machine helped too.

Since it’s very early days it might also be that he still has day/night confused from the womb.

Just remember you’re not alone in this - you’ll hear about babies who are perfect sleepers but I promise they’re the minority! 🙂

Hi OP, I have a 4 month old and I wish wish wish I’d co-slept with her the first few weeks as I was an utterly exhausted and broken woman and co-sleeping turned out to be the only way to get any sleep at all.
Eventually I started when she was 6 weeks following the safe sleep 7 and it was life changing! I always said I’d never co-sleep but those first few weeks were utterly brutal and I spent so much time trying to settle her back in her bloody cot when it just wasn’t going to work. She now goes down absolutely fine in her cot and stays there most of the night!
If I had another baby I would definitely co-sleep at first. Just make sure you follow all the guidance. Good luck!

Happened with both of mine around 2-3 weeks. My mum (a real 'baby whisperer') just said "Babies can get their days and nights mixed up, it'll pass" and it did. I just remember doing a lot of floor-walking, patting, and soothing. Unfortunately I don't remember how long it took but I don't remember it being months, so maybe a few weeks? Sorry, they're both in their 30s now, so it's 'been awhile'.

DS1 had colic and that was a different 'crying' than the mixed up nights/days. The colic was an obvious 'pain cry'. The nights/days crying with both my DSs honestly sounded more like a 'frustrated' cry, as if they just couldn't get comfortable.

Yes as some PP's have said, safe cosleeping following the lullaby trust guidelines is much safer than you sleeping in bed propped up or you sleeping with them on the couch.

And persevere, if they won't take a dummy the first time, or won't cosleep once, keep trying and they might get it on the 3rd or 20th time!!!

Thank you all I wasn't expecting so many replies at this time, it's good to know I'm not alone! I wondered if a next to me crib might help so he feels like he's close/can see me but isn't actually in the bed?

I have the next to me bed, from Smyths I'm afraid to say it really doesn't make a difference
It's so much bigger than a moses basket, some babies will take a while to adjust.
We've been up a longgggg time so sleep hasn't got any better here but hopefully it does for you
Get your baby in bed with you, as safely as you can, survival as a PP said is the main goal for the first few weeks x

Mine was the same OP, DD had tests, even a trip to hospital. It was just one of those things. She just screamed from 8pm ish for about 5/6 hours straight. It was brutal. Painful for both parties.
I would use ear plugs, play music and just cuddle her in the end. As per consultants advice, we had tried everything else. It just magically stops but took months.

I'd try white noise, it worked amazingly with my GS - we used a hairdryer noise, settled him straightaway (he's 4 now and can't stand hairdryers 🤷🏻‍♀️)

i can’t remember when you can use a dummy and your baby is probably too young, but I remember it really helped DS when he’d cry in the evenings. He must have been quite young as he’d stopped using one by five months old

If you don't have Spotify there's some available on YouTube - some black out the screen too so the lights don't keep them awake.

Completely normal OP. Mine is 5 months old now and he still has quite a screamy personality 😁it is so awful when you're in the thick of it. Having a newborn is brutal.

The evening screaming improved at around 7-8 weeks and by 14ish weeks we could put him down for bed at 7pm. He still wakes several times a night though...

We managed the awful night time screaming phase by splitting the nights. OH would stay up with him until 2ish then I would take over. He tended to settle in bed with me from 4am onwards.

We also tried formula but went back to exclusively breastfeeding as we found it only made things worse (milk intolerance).

It's awful but all you can do is ride it out. My 5 month old had a particularly screamy day today and it reminded me of the newborn phase. However, I was much better equipped to deal with it in the knowledge that it can and will stop! I usually deploy the sling, a glass of wine and headphones when it gets extreme.

Good luck - it will last what feels like forever but you're not alone.