Anyone up? Newborn help...

[newmuvva]

Every night my 1 week old starts getting grizzly around 8pm. This then escalates into full blown screaming which can go on for hours and makes it impossible to attempt to put him down for sleep at night. During the day he sleeps in a Moses basket well but at night he won't entertain the idea and only settles from his tantrum if he's on either me or dh.

I know it's early days and newborns aren't designed to being alone but what could be causing this pattern of hysterics at night when he seems quite content during the day? And how are you meant to sleep safely with a newborn who won't be put down separately at night? We've taken to sitting up separately with him in shifts as we are worried about him falling asleep in the bed with us, especially as knackered as we both are at the minute.

It's only been a week and I feel spent. How long will this last?!

@opensunflower this is another thing playing on my mind. I bf in hospital but latch wasn't right. Baby then was so upset at home so I guessed hunger and made the choice to ff. We bought bottles, steriliser, formula and now baby is still distressed at night so not sure if I did the right thing by throwing in the towel so early.

Having said that I am so so tired. My boobs are very sore from the failed latching and I don't think my milk has fully come in even a week on. This coupled with the sleep deprivation and c section recovery just makes me feel like I've not got another battle in me at the minute.

DD was a bugger for this. 6pm it was like a switch went off: “let the howling begin!” DP used to put her very high on his shoulder then SPRINT up and down, that used to settle her. Or holding her next to the shower until she finally conked out.

It passed around 16 weeks. Then at 17 weeks she started teething The one week of respite was lovely, though.

We tried all the nonsense – gripe water type bollocks – but the only thing that worked was time. Colic is just “unexplained crying”, not wind or anything. It’s just babies being ornery. Hang in there.

Ok, please don't let that make you feel guilty. Sorry, didnt intend that.

Feeding is tough work. Both breast and formula. Especially in the newborn brain fog days. Get some Ready to go bottles too to save faffing in the dead of night. Those helped me a lot when the breastfeeding was getting me down

You just got to get through in any way you can.

Google purple crying. It's. Developmental stage. Perfectly normal for babies to just cry. It's awful as a parent but as long as you've checked for discomfort/pain

It’s the witching hour. It’s a thing - most of them do it. It’s horrible! Walking them around usually helps. It does end somewhere between 6-12 weeks!

www.healthline.com/health/baby/witching-hour-baby

I'm so grateful for all these suggestions and the support. It's just nice to know I'm not alone. Typically baby has had morning bottle and now sound asleep. I will try and get some rest now.

He has been sick a few times after switching to formula too. Hoping it's not an allergy or anything and just his little tummy developing.

All of this! Tv/music on during the day, hoover etc be noisy and normal then quiet and dark at night. It works! Both mine have slept through from 4 weeks old using this technique (and i feed them loads in the day to get them to sleep!)

It takes a good few weeks for their tummies to settle down. What formula are you using? Ive had great success with kendamil this time and aptamil last time.

You need to get into a routine, as soon as baby falls asleep (deep sleep) you put them down in the cot.
My baby had pukey reflux so I had trouble with this as laying flat made it worse. I think I tried tilting the head end up slightly (but not so much they are sliding down the cot 😂) and waiting at least 20 minutes before putting down after a feed.

My sister made the mistake of letting baby sleep on her well past 1 year and now he won't go down at all by himself. Whereas my son has learned to self soothe and now sleeps through the night.

@Howaboutnope we are using Aptimil too.
@NotMyselfWithoutCoffee this has crossed my mind. The whole rod for your own back thing. But I think at just a week old it's not about setting a precedent it's just about keeping them feeling secure. He's only been out of my tummy such a short time. It makes sense that he doesn't want to be separated from us in a separate basket. Just strange how he will happily tolerate it during the day but night time is so different.

My son didnt take to aptamil since they switched their formula recently so i changed to Kendamil and he much prefers it. We also use Colief but used infacol with my daughter. Every baby is different i guess.

DD now 11 months use to do this. Turned out she was other over tired or had been over stimulated in the day. Try winding down earlier or a solid bedtime routine but start it earlier.

Even now she has an awful night is put to bed too late/over tired.

Good luck 👍🏻

A white noise machine also worked wonders 😉

Evening colic - my first baby was the same. Screamed all evening until he got him to go to sleep.

By 6pm I think he was just full of wind as he struggled to burp during the day. I also think he was doing a ff equivalent of cluster feeding as he just wanted so much milk in the evening and he had a rough delivery (ventouse) so thought he might have a sore head/neck.

We did the following and by 4/5 weeks he was so much better:
Cranial osteopath
Changed formula - was on aptimil and he was constipated
Used infacol for his wind - if breaks down wind bubbles in their tummies so they can pass it through their bottoms
Changed bottles to Mam
Nighttime routine - by 6 weeks he was going down for the evening by 8pm in his cot. He needs a steady routine and still does now at 3.

As a newborn he actually didn't need to be over handled and often when he was screaming - cuddling made him worse - tiger hold worked better. So once we dealt with the wind - evenings were so much better for him to be asleep in his own space then being cuddled.

@newmuvva
I don't mean setting a precedent in the early months.
But there are times where you may desperately want to sleep or leave the baby to get something done, so it's better to get into the habit during those times.

I would let the baby sleep on me for a bit, but if I needed the loo etc I'd pop him in the moses basket so I could get myself sorted.
As he got used to it he was less likely to wake up. It did to a while to settle him at night though, I think they are just programmed to to boost your milk supply.

Try a swaddle and I found feeding DD as upright as possible helpful. Is he pooing ok? DD had constipation so we did tummy massage etc. Try to make sure the baby gets loads of sunlight early as possible in the morning and that if you can start dimming lights in the evening.

Hate to say it but perfectly normal baby behaviour, biologically wants to be close to you and the grunts and noises are all totally normal- all my babies were like this at night and cried / grunted allll night long! So hard, baby is also trying to get into night/ day rhythm. Try and rest in the day when the baby sleeps!! Also go to bed at 6:30/7pm and leave baby with partner so you can get a head start on a few hours sleep then partner could bring baby in at 12? It’s a relatively short period in the grand scheme of things ( I went to bed at 6:30pm for 3 months!) but do what u have to to get some rest xxx

Try letting him sleep in a sling for a couple of hours to get ove the overtiredness (which is what causes this), then swaddle and white noise in the evenings.

If he seems to "fight" the swaddle persevere, he has no idea he is in a swaddle he is just flailing because of overstimulation and tiredness.

The white noise has to be loud. I used an actual hairdryer for the newborn stage, you can then move on to hairdryer recordings once they are asleeep

White noise needs to be played at a low level all night. You might find this annoying but you will get used to it (earplugs) and it is way better than the alternative which you are going through now.

Also get a white noise machine that plays continuously- non looping so not any of the bunnies or things like that just a continuous machine- £15 from Amazon xx play at in the evening loud beside the Moses basket downstairs or in your room Beside baby cot. I found it helped massively if u are consistent with it. X

I would kick your partner out the bed and co sleep. I kept falling asleep with my baby on my chest as I was so ill and sleep deprived so safer to co sleep. In the bed ,lay the baby above your head , take away duvets pillows and just have a hoodie on your top half and sheet wrapped around your waist. Make sure there’s no gaps near the bed push it against the wall unless you bed is low to the ground? or you can have a mattress on the floor. Have you got a side cot ? They are worth a try too sometimes you can get baby to fall asleep with you in bed and slide them over- although doesn’t always work.

They just scream a lot and don’t sleep at first , once you get to 12 weeks they should settle abit and space out there feeds.

Solidarity hugs OP. My DD is 8 weeks and we're just coming out the other side of this (so it does end!).

Have you considered whether he could have reflux or silent reflux? It tends to be worse at night and that was the problem with my DD. She'd be a nightmare all night and then weirdly at 7am would fall asleep no problem and go into her basket. It was maddening, especially since I have a toddler so couldn't just go back to bed!

What worked (to a degree):

• Mam bottles instead of tommee tippee
• infacol
• next to me crib with the head very slightly raised (I put a couple of big books under the legs)
• instant carobel to thicken the milk

My DP and I slept in shifts for about a month. One of us would stay downstairs with her until 1am then we'd swap with one of us sleeping downstairs. Not the best for your back but meant that we each got about 5 hours sleep (the person on the "late shift" would go to bed at 8pm). I found that I could function on that, whereas if we both stayed in the bedroom I was constantly on alert so didn't sleep even when it was my turn. There were a fair few nights when I got precisely zero minutes sleep until we started the shift system!

You will get through it I promise you. It's hideous while it's happening I know, but it WILL end

Sounds like very normal newborn behaviour (I know that doesn't make it any easier to cope with though). As PPs have said witching hour is a thing and so is 4th trimester. With DC1 my DH and I took shifts of 4 hours at a time to sit up and hold her through night as that was only way she would sleep for around 3 or 4 weeks. I'm sure you already know this but it is really dangerous to fall asleep on sofa or in a chair with baby (midwife caught DH doing this with DC2 and gave us both a stern - in a nice way- talking to about it).
Red light, white noise, winding well after a feed (tilt them to their left hand side whilst sat up on your knee with your thumb and forefinger supporting under their chin helps bring wind up faster. It's to do with physiology of shape of stomach) and shifts between you and partner or anyone else willing to help is the way to survival IMO. Good luck- this bit will pass quickly in the scheme of things- I promise!

No in my experience colic can be an early evening crying crisis thing which was always said to be commonplace in newborns.

All of this! Tv/music on during the day, hoover etc be noisy and normal then quiet and dark at night. It works! Both mine have slept through from 4 weeks old using this technique (and i feed them loads in the day to get them to sleep!)
lol I did all of this and DD woke hourly til 17 months. Yours slept through because they liked sleeping. Babies that don’t sleep are just non-sleepers; it’s not cos their parents kept the disco ball going all night while playing Beethoven’s 5th at top volume!

Fully agree with you stuntbubbles, its great when babies sleep well, but pretending it's because of good parenting is hurtful to those whose babies don't like to sleep.

I've spent a lot of time anguished over what I'm doing wrong, when now I'm on baby #2 I realise its nothing, just luck!!