Anyone up? Newborn help...

[newmuvva]

Every night my 1 week old starts getting grizzly around 8pm. This then escalates into full blown screaming which can go on for hours and makes it impossible to attempt to put him down for sleep at night. During the day he sleeps in a Moses basket well but at night he won't entertain the idea and only settles from his tantrum if he's on either me or dh.

I know it's early days and newborns aren't designed to being alone but what could be causing this pattern of hysterics at night when he seems quite content during the day? And how are you meant to sleep safely with a newborn who won't be put down separately at night? We've taken to sitting up separately with him in shifts as we are worried about him falling asleep in the bed with us, especially as knackered as we both are at the minute.

It's only been a week and I feel spent. How long will this last?!

Hot water bottle helped for us too.
Just to be clear, use it to pre-warm the moses basket/ crib but it must be taken out before baby goes in.

Mine is 5 weeks. We had this problem amoungst the things I did were - I suspected digestion issues so stopped combi feeding and now just breast, I've got a next to me crib which starts night in but after waking fall a sleep on me then slide onto bed to co-sleep (my partner isn't in bed with us, just me and baby), low lights, gentle music, also holding & windingvfor 30 mins to release that. And giving infacol all seem to have helped a bit

Going through the same with my 2 week old op, it’s my third child. It does get easier and it’s nothing you’re doing.
Just stay consistent and keep trying, you’ll get there eventually.
The lack of sleep is a killer though 😵‍💫

Just to add- we ended up sleeping in different beds too so one of us could take baby to bed with us (he wouldn't go in the next to me until 8 weeks). It's probably safer to co-sleep that way. We still sleep separately most of the time but starting to return to normality slowly. Breastfeeding was the only way I could get little one to settle for a long time. I would feed him to sleep then slowly slide him on to the bed next to me and get a few Zzs myself. It was the putting him down that was the hard part.

He started to take a dummy at 3ish months which also made life a lot easier.

The first three months are definitely the hardest!

When I was pregnant, my husband said we didn't need a next to me crib, money making gimmick bla bla bla. We had a similar situation, velcro baby who would only sleep on us, taking it in shifts. Husband amazon primed a next to me crib at 2am when he was about 3 weeks old and it was a total game changer. May have been a coincidence but he literally slept from that night on, only waking once per night after that (which he still does now at almost 4 but that's another story!!).

White noise also helped (even now we use a 10 hour ad free loop of rain sounds on YouTube)

Its tough though. The best advice I had was to lower my expectations. The only person who thrives in the first year is the baby! My expectations are still low now 😁

I hate to say it but I think it sounds quite normal. They call it the witching hour. It’s worse if they’re overtired, so it might be worth trying to start getting them to sleep a little earlier.

Look up the safe sleeping guidelines on cosleeping safely with the lullaby trust. I personally believe it’s better to cosleep and plan to cosleep so you can do it as safely as possible, than to fall asleep by accident while sat up holding baby. I don’t think next to me things really work - everyone I know who has one says they end up becoming an expensive bedside table as babies like to be closer to you / practically touching

Agree with a lot of the advice you’ve been given. Co sleeping would be safer than falling asleep on the sofa & you can read how to do it as safely as possible on the lullaby trust. You shouldn’t put them in a baby nest (e.g: sleepyhead) to sleep as someone suggested above - again, lullaby trust explains why not. I mastered the art of gradually moving the baby off me onto the bed so he didn’t realise he’d been put down although it can take a few attempts. Good luck, this part does get easier

DS suffered really badly from the evening screamies. It’s soul destroying when you are sleep deprived so you have my sympathy. Agree with previous posters - it’s witching hour(s) which is also called Purple Crying these days (www.purplecrying.info/what-is-the-period-of-purple-crying.php). I’d quite often put DS in the sling and put some headphones in and just walk round the block - sometimes it would help him settle. Sometimes a breastfeed in the bath would help as well. Generally though, we just had to ride it out.

In the first 3 or 4 months, DS had periods of refusing to sleep anywhere but my arms (which was beyond brutal) but generally he would tolerate being next to me on a mattress. I’d recommend looking up safe co sleeping - it’s better than falling asleep holding them, which was always my dread.

We never managed to get DS to take a dummy, but my friend found this helped with witching hour a lot. Good luck x

As others have said, it could be colic or just the witching hour(s).

DD wouldn’t use the Moses basket at all and would only nap on us during the day. She would sleep in the bedside crib. When she was a few weeks old she still wouldn’t go down until about 2am. I would go to sleep about 8/9 and DH would have her until about 12/1, he’d try to out her down and if it didn’t work I’d sit and rock for another hour or two and attempt to put her down. At 6 weeks she still wouldn’t go down before 2am but then she started going down at 1am and then midnight. At about 12 weeks she was going down about 9 and at about 4 months she was going down about 7 in the evening. It might be longer or shorter for you but it’s normal.

If you try coslpeeing, it doesn’t mean that doing it one night means you have to keep doing it. You could do it for a few hours and then get your DH to try and put the baby in the bedside crib/Moses basket. It might not work but you’ll have had a couple hours of uncomfortable, light sleep and you’ll be in a slightly better position than you were. If you cosleep, get some leggings and a long sleeved, tight fitting top - it gets cold with no covers. I never slept deeply with cosleeping. I hated it actually but if you’re so tired you might fall asleep otherwise, it’s safer to set yourself up for intended safe sleeping and accept you’ll be uncomfortable and probably startle awake easily with anxiety about where baby is.

Some babies like a bedside crib and some don’t. I take the view that there is an amount you’re willing to pay to try it anyway in case it works for your baby. Possibly look at second hand or see if there are any baby banks near you.

My daughter had colic which caused her to scream every night, colief helps. But if it's actually that baby just doesn't want to be put down and wants to sleep with you then I'd say a next2me is brilliant, you can keep a hand lightly on her after putting her down before slowly removing it, I did that alot with mine. Also white noise!

Dd2 was like this, she'd be fine all day but come 11 pm her screaming would start and nothing helped.
She carry on until 3 am poor thing then finally settle down to sleep.
I initially thought it was colic but at 7 weeks we realized she was dairy intolerant.
Might just be colic with your little one but the only thing that helped slightly was skin to skin. I would strip her off to just nappy and tuck her into my night shirt. Sometimes this helped others not so much but we were desperate.
I still have a voice clip of her screaming and listening back you could clearly hear the pain in her cry. She's 6 now.

recommend you take him to a cranial oesto who has training in working with babies. Its recognised by some insurance companies including BUPA birth process is hard on babies and cranial oesto can help calm their nerves to help with digestion and with sleep.

It takes a while before your baby sleeps longer at night. It's best if you just go with it. If he sleeps decently during the day then you go to sleep during the day as well. Just try to catch sleep whenever you can. Forget about day=awake and night=sleep for you for a while. Just try to get enough sleep per 24 hours to exist. At this stage getting dressed each day some time before lunch is an achievement in itself.

Your life is easier if you follow the baby instead of making the baby follow your rythm. It's a phase and will sort itself out in time.

Sounds like Colic to me. My first DD had it and it’s hard. Used to kick off about 7pm every… single… night… If you can afford it or have health insurance a cranial osteopath can help. With my DD it miraculously stopped at 12 weeks but those 12 weeks were hellish. Sending you a massive hug OP.

My son wasn't like this, he just wanted boob for hours in the first part of the night.
I follow a sleep and baby tummy expert on insta (used her when my son was 6mo) parent and baby coach. Take a look at her Instagram and podcast, she covers this kind of thing and will hopefully give you a few ideas or alert you to what might be causing it eg. Allergy.
Burping is absolutely key for baby's comfort but sounds like they want to be close to you xxx

I use a Kangu it's similar to a next to me and it has a rocker. It's also a good bit cheaper than a next to me. We popped the moses basket in it until she was too big so she was used to the view.
We also uses Ewan the sheep and I popped it into the hood of the moses basket so she could see the red light and hear the noise as well (before discovering the Spotify playlist)

My now 22 year old used to do this at 2 weeks old started crying every jight from 6pm to 3 in morning colic.

It’s brutal and lasts a while.

We had it every night for weeks, 6-11pm on the dot. Kept breastfeeding as it has all these advantages, and the pain / uncertainty what to do sorted itself out within a couple of weeks, I’m very glad we did. After that, for the screaming, we did skin to skin, cosleeping, white noise, boob on demand. I would go to bed very early and stay there with DS, reading, then go to sleep early. I would then wake up very early and DH and DS would stay in bed together for a bit.

Read up on safe cosleeping. Keep breastfeeding. Clear your schedule in the evenings so you can spend a few hours in bed with DC. Get DH to help with the rest. It will pass.

Thank you all, some excellent tips to try. I did end up falling asleep with baby on the sofa from about 2-5. Not ideal. Then made baby a bottle as he hadn't had one in a while and he had that easily. Attempted to put him back in Moses as he had drifted off again but he woke up and the screaming continued so he ended up in bed with us until now. I will look up safe Co sleeping as this is clearly how it's going to be for a while.

I would love to be able to sleep more during the day or come to bed early with baby at night but I have other dc who I need to be there for too.

This is brutal and I never had it with other dc. They would wake up often during the night for feeds but go straight back down.

Does he pull his legs up when you hold him?. Sounds like colic, Ignacio and a really good winding session helped mine but early evening was the worse time, they'd be inconsolable it did improve after 3 months though.. And I know it was against guidelines, but all the went to sleep on their tummies. Personally I thought that safer than me falling asleep with them on me. They were all good birthweighrs, could lift their heads up and there were no other risk factors like smoking or being too hot.

Does he look to be in pain? Is he going bright red and feeding issues?

I only ask because mine was like this and it turned to to be lactose intolerance and severe acid reflux (never actually sick)
he was alway fine during the day then at exactly 7.30 the screaming would start and go on for hours.

does he seem more comfortable upright against your shoulder?

Most babies do grow out of this by 6 ish weeks. I say most... not much you can do in the meantime sorry. Things will improve and he'll start to sleep longer and be more settled. My baby was so fucking noisy for the first 8 weeks or so. So noisy it kept me awake. All. The. Time.... Grunting loudly, some colic and reflux etc...

Their digestive system is so immature at this stage that they are awake being grumpy. Once their digestive system adapts a bit more things should improve.

It's his way of making sure you don't trot off for an 8 hour sleep at night and leave him alone to starve. Survivor instinct. It's what newborns are designed to do. Evolution and all that. Angels in the days, little devils a night
Things will improve! But not for a little while. You can get through this!

Have you tried white noise? I had an app that played womb sounds

They change all the time. So don't worry too much. He will be in a new ohase soon

I think too soon for a dummy

PS dont give up on the BF yet . If you can get help/go to a support group, do go.

The first 2 weeks were hideous for me but after that, it just clicked and that made night
Feeding easy. Both you and baby need to learn
How to do it