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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does she have a boyfriend?

81 replies

Semirecline · 28/04/2022 20:48

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable here but this has happened to me twice now in the past month and I just can't get my head around it.

DD is 4. A few weeks ago at the supermarket an elderly lady stopped DD to compliment her hair clip. She then asked DD if she had a boyfriend. I was pretty confused as to why she would think it's acceptable to ask a 4yo this so I said no and walked away. I discussed it with DH when we got home and he agreed it was weird.

Today at a local group the same thing happened. An elderly lady complimented DD's outfit and then asked her if she had a boyfriend. I was pretty miffed as I felt it was inappropriate so I replied, no she doesn't, she's 4 and she doesn't even know what a boyfriend is yet. She has friends that's boys and friends that's girls and that's it.

Am I out of the loop thinking this kind of question is inappropriate for a 4yo? I'm honestly baffled by it.

OP posts:
user1471517900 · 28/04/2022 20:52

Yeah it's a weird question. I hate it too OP. Just makes kids wonder why boys and girls should be considered differently at that age.

itsmeagainlol · 28/04/2022 20:52

Thats bloody weird unless you dress DD up as a Kardashian miniher. I was a bit shocked when 9yo DS said he had a girlfriend. She's a friend and DS would have been happier to be a girl i think.

abblie · 28/04/2022 20:54

Think it's just their generation it's like when a child losses a tooth or did your boy/girlfriend kiss that out

TowerRavenSeven · 28/04/2022 20:54

I honestly think you are over reacting. I would not ask that question as it’s a little out there but they are not asking if she is dating, having sex or getting ready to get married. They are asking if a little boy has, maybe, given her a flower!

DogsAndGin · 28/04/2022 20:54

It’s ridiculous - and a reflection of their backward generation. In fact, I’ve heard my own grandmother make crazy comments to stranger’s babies/children. She’s simply out of touch. I’m not looking forward to policing her when my baby comes!

Original poster
Semirecline · 28/04/2022 20:55

DD has asked some questions tonight about boyfriends so I've had to explain in an age appropriate way. I was not expecting to have these kind of chats for a few years yet. I'm glad it's not just me that finds it strange.

OP posts:
WorkCleanRepeat · 28/04/2022 20:57

I dont think it's an appropriate question for strangers to ask a 4 year old! It does tend to be mainly older people that ask. I think it's a generational thing.

The subject starts cropping up in schools younger than I expected though. This evening my just turned 5 year old (reception class) told me that her and a boy in her class have made a choice together to be boyfriend and girlfriend!

SemperIdem · 28/04/2022 21:01

I absolutely despise that people categorising small children’s friendships as being “girlfriend and boyfriend” - it is indicative of a lack of education and critical thinking skills, irrespective of the age of the person asking the question.

pictish · 28/04/2022 21:04

Oh you hear that here occasionally. I remember my dd being asked the same and responding with a baleful glare because she’s shy. I don’t think it’s intended with anything but mild teasing in mind. It’s an outdated one-of-those-things-people-say. I do agree that it’s skin crawly though.

JoeGoldberg · 28/04/2022 21:08

I agree it's generational, it's an odd one though. I was out with 2yo a few weeks back and an elderly lady said oh he's going to break some hearts when he's older! Bloody annoying.

RancidOldHag · 28/04/2022 21:11

It's not generational

Its batshit, and not inherently linked to age.

FuzzyPuffling · 28/04/2022 21:21

RancidOldHag · 28/04/2022 21:11

It's not generational

Its batshit, and not inherently linked to age.

Yes, this.
I'm sick of the "it's generational" trope on here, as though everyone thinks the same just because they were born in a certain year!

KrisAkabusi · 28/04/2022 21:21

It's just trying to make her laugh!

"Do you have a boyfriend?

"Ooh no, boys are icky!" Giggle.

There's nothing sinister or inappropriate about it.

Shoxfordian · 28/04/2022 21:22

Say that she’s married 🙄

JustDanceAddict · 28/04/2022 21:23

I don’t even like it when people as me/them if my teen DCs have a boy/girlfriend. I just say ‘not at the moment’ which is nice & cryptic!

Pugfostermum · 28/04/2022 21:24

MIL had referred to my 3 year old niece as ‘sexy’ before. It’s horrid IMO……….

Original poster
Semirecline · 28/04/2022 21:25

@KrisAkabusi boys are icky at 4yo? Really? As far as I'm aware DD doesn't find anyone icky. She loves all of her friends dearly regardless of their sex.

OP posts:
LondonQueen · 28/04/2022 21:26

How strange, though children in my Y2 class have already started with boyfriends and girlfriends (and subsequent falling out), lord give me strength!

JoeGoldberg · 28/04/2022 21:32

Considering people are saying it's not generational, I've only ever had comments to my kids like that from older women easily 60+ so I'm just going by that. My gran used to say a boy had kissed my teeth out, too.

FuzzyPuffling · 28/04/2022 21:34

JoeGoldberg · 28/04/2022 21:32

Considering people are saying it's not generational, I've only ever had comments to my kids like that from older women easily 60+ so I'm just going by that. My gran used to say a boy had kissed my teeth out, too.

I fit into that age group and have never said anything like that! Maybe it's regional? Or class? Or education?

12yearsinazkaban · 28/04/2022 21:37

Shoxfordian · 28/04/2022 21:22

Say that she’s married 🙄

when I was 4 pretty sure I got married toy cat because I loved him so much, that was after mommy rejected me because she was already betrothed to my daddy, so I'd have answered "yes". I don't think it's wierd from an old lady but if a 40 year old man asked I'd probably avoid...

I remember someone saying I would break some hearts as a child and I was quite offended because I wanted to be a vet and I thought that they meant I would be bad at it. Children don't take things to heart, especially strange things strangers say.

Gilesgoesformiles · 28/04/2022 21:37

My ex’s mum always used to comment that her niece was flirting when she was about 1 or 2. That made me feel fucking sick

Clumsyvolcano · 28/04/2022 21:39

I can see why you think it’s a weird question but I don’t think people mean it quite so literally when it comes to kids.

Certainly when I was a kid when some had boyfriends and girlfriends nobody really understood it and it just meant close friends of the opposite sex that might hold hands on the playground!

I think it’s just meant in a flippant and playful way really

Gilesgoesformiles · 28/04/2022 21:39

Ooh no, boys are icky!" Giggle

jesus this is gross too. Suggesting a 4 year old finds boys ‘icky’ suggests some kind of sexual being. Disgusting

Herejustforthisone · 28/04/2022 21:41

Semirecline · 28/04/2022 21:25

@KrisAkabusi boys are icky at 4yo? Really? As far as I'm aware DD doesn't find anyone icky. She loves all of her friends dearly regardless of their sex.

Boys are definitely icky when you’re four. Definitely.

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