Does she have a boyfriend?

[Semirecline]

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable here but this has happened to me twice now in the past month and I just can't get my head around it.

DD is 4. A few weeks ago at the supermarket an elderly lady stopped DD to compliment her hair clip. She then asked DD if she had a boyfriend. I was pretty confused as to why she would think it's acceptable to ask a 4yo this so I said no and walked away. I discussed it with DH when we got home and he agreed it was weird.

Today at a local group the same thing happened. An elderly lady complimented DD's outfit and then asked her if she had a boyfriend. I was pretty miffed as I felt it was inappropriate so I replied, no she doesn't, she's 4 and she doesn't even know what a boyfriend is yet. She has friends that's boys and friends that's girls and that's it.

Am I out of the loop thinking this kind of question is inappropriate for a 4yo? I'm honestly baffled by it.

My DM is 76 and I've never heard her ask a child if they've got a boyfriend or girlfriend. I know other older people as well, and haven't heard them ask such questions of children.

I think that says more about you 😬 is icky a sexual word?

No. You’re being deliberately dense. Why would a 4 year old girl find a boy ‘Icky’ unless you’re meaning to refer to some kind of flirty / sexual connotation. Would you suggest she finds dogs ‘icky’? Or her teacher perhaps?

also the giggle to sum up a ‘girl’ reaction made we want to vomit let’s hope you don’t have daughters

You're overreacting. In the infants age 5 we used to play "kiss chase"
There was one little boy who all the little girls wanted as their "boyfriend" and when he heard the shout KISS CHASE , he used to run and hide. All perfectly innocent and nothing remotely sinister about it.
We knew nothing about sex, unlike the poor young kids of today who seem to get it foisted upon them at a very early age

@Georgeskitchen I definitely didn't play this game at 5 nor did any of my peers.

Yeah @Georgeskitchen im not sure chasing down unwilling participants to kiss them is considered innocent anymore….

It's a joke
My grandparents and their friends used to say the same thing.
See also 1970s/1980s entertainers or anyone who ever saw a comedian at Butlins. Pick a little kid out of the audience ask their name, age and have you got a boyfriend/ girlfriend would take the roof off. .
Maybe I have lived too long.

Controversial opinion: if elderly people want to say daft things to kids, things they’d have said 40-50 years ago, let them bloody do it! Why should they change? Why should they amend every bit of their language and what they’ve known, in their latter years, in case they offend some snowflake parent? Perhaps these little glimmers of interaction are the only contact they have all week. Sometimes I think we have to let things go with people and not try too hard to be offended

We did when I was a kid in the 90s

Bizarre and inappropriate - what sort of age do you mean when you say "elderly"?

What a patronising post. Do you think your generation were the first be ‘forwards’? Our grandmothers weren’t silly old ladies, my grandmas marched on the streets for Women’s Lib, she’s part of the movement that now allows me, and my daughter, access to fairer working conditions, education access, birth control etc.

one day people will call you ‘backwards’. Just so you know.

If it happens again, just ask the questioner if they've made arrangements for their funeral😆

What age do we mean by 'elderly'? My parents and aunties and uncles are in their 70s and 80s. They came of age in between the 60s and 70s. They are not the same elderly as my grandparents were at that age. They don't seem elderly to me. They definitely wouldn't be asking small children if they have girl or boyfriends.

What age do we mean by 'elderly'

this is MN so probably 45 🤣

@SpiderinaWingMirror the 70s was 50 years ago though. Society and beliefs have moved on for the better thank god

@PlasticineMeg Maybe the fact they have offended someone is a good enough reason to amend how you speak to people? It's not ok to walk around spouting nonsense and unwanted comments to people because you've always done it.

One was around 70+ and the other around 65+

Saying boys are X or girls are X is really imposing your view on a 4 year old though.

Definitely all manner of weird to frame friendships between preschoolers in terms of adult or quasiadult terms.

People are not responsible for what YOU are offended by. I’m offended by handlebar moustaches FFS, I don’t expect everyone around me to apologise or change for it, because the world doesn’t revolve around me. They’re old - let it go. You may find at that age you can’t be arsed changing to fit in with people 3 generations younger than you either.

They’re also not psychic either. They will see that as an entirely harmless comment, how are they too know you’d be offended by it.

also laughing at 65 being ‘elder leg’ 🤣 gonna tell my 65yo mum, she’ll be delighted 😂

Elder leg? Elderly

@PlasticineMeg Did I touch a nerve? 🤔Maybe the reason "these little glimmers of interaction are the only contact they have all week" is because people don't like the way they speak to them. Why would anyone want to stand a share pleasantries when they are being unpleasant and "can’t be arsed changing to fit in with people 3 generations younger than you either".

Is 65 not retirement age then? Better tell my gran to hand the free bus pass back 😂

Didn’t hit a nerve at all, I’m just not perpetually offended by small non-events. I also don’t think the world revolves round me or my kids.

You probably don’t realise the extent at some people’s loneliness, but if you are ditching family members because they’re saying harmless things to your little Diddums, you’re probably doing them a favour.

Retirement age /= elderly. HTH

I would also be careful about teaching your child that if someone says something harmless, but you’re offended, that make that person ‘unpleasant’ and deserving of loneliness. Because that makes kids entitled little so-and-so’s, and come age 7/8 no one will be queuing up to be their friend.