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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect nursery to wipe sons bottom

96 replies

Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 18:32

He’s 3.5 and definitely still needs help wiping his bottom! I watched him do it at home and it’s a wipe with a tissue and that’s it and he still has poo on his bum and his hands! Surely at 3.5 they should help him…

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 28/04/2022 18:36

They should help him to learn to do it but he should also be improving at doing it himself. But how do you know they’re not? Presumably he’s not coming home from nursery covered in poo? If so, just ask ‘hey please could you check Jack’s wiping himself properly and washing up afterwards.’

Hugasauras · 28/04/2022 18:38

Of course they should but is he actually coming home from nursery dirty? You don't say.

Original poster
Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 18:41

Yes he has a couple of times :-( He said I do it on my own and sometimes don’t wash my hands! I need a word with them!

OP posts:
Coriandersucks · 28/04/2022 18:41

He comes home with poo on his hands? Did you post about this recently I recall a very similar thread…

ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 18:42

Then you need to ask them to make sure he is washing his hands. And keep working on it at home.

Kanaloa · 28/04/2022 18:42

Well of course in that you speak up and say please help him while he’s learning to do it properly. Might be worth also drumming it into him over and over at home.

pompomseverywhere · 28/04/2022 18:43

I don't think they are allowed to hands on help. Is it a preschool or private nursery?

Hellocatshome · 28/04/2022 18:44

I recommend helping him learn how to do this independently at home and to teach him that he must wash his hands after he goes to the toilet. Nursery can only do so much.

Kanaloa · 28/04/2022 18:45

pompomseverywhere · 28/04/2022 18:43

I don't think they are allowed to hands on help. Is it a preschool or private nursery?

Erm of course they are. Childcare workers help with potty training and changing. Different at schools, but I’ve never ever been at a nursery where you watch a child walk out of the bathroom with poo on them because you’re ‘not allowed to help.’ You’d have changed that same child’s nappy a few months before.

Original poster
Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 18:45

No he hasn’t come home with poo on hands! I’ve never posted before. It was poo in his pants! Which I assumed was due to him not wiping properly. He then said he wiped his bum himself and when in the outdoor toilet near forest school there’s nowhere for hand washing!

OP posts:
looselegs · 28/04/2022 18:48

Maybe the nursery staff don't know he's done a poo? If he's 3.5 he may be going to the loo on his own and not informing the staff

Original poster
Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 18:50

looselegs · 28/04/2022 18:48

Maybe the nursery staff don't know he's done a poo? If he's 3.5 he may be going to the loo on his own and not informing the staff

That’s very true! I guess I assumed they were with someone!

OP posts:
VariationsonaTheme · 28/04/2022 18:50

At 3.5 he’ll be going to the toilet independently and they won’t know he needs wiping. Just have a word with them and ask that they remind him to wipe properly and wash his hands!!

Furrbabymama87 · 28/04/2022 18:51

Nursery workers are allowed to wipe the child but in the preschool room at your sons age they should be encouraging him to wipe himself. When I worked in a nursery a parent complained a couple of times about their child not being wiped but because we were always short staffed and kids took themselves to the toilet it was a case of no one noticing, rather than knowingly neglecting the child.

Theyellowflamingo · 28/04/2022 18:53

Have you actually talked to them? Has he asked for help and been refused? Because if he’s just going by himself it or tells them he’s ok and doesn’t need help then they’ll take his word for it. Yes, if he has asked for help or you speak to them and explain then I’d expect them to support him. But you seem very indignant they aren’t routinely “checking”, which is ridiculous - one of mine at 3.5 would have been fine herself and upset at any “help”.

Original poster
Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 18:54

Thanks so much for the input I think we will just encourage it at home I just thought it was too early! My nephew is 8 and asks his mum still!!

OP posts:
RewildingAmbridge · 28/04/2022 18:56

DS is the same age, and whilst I often still check he's done a good job, or give a second wipe it's rare there's anything there. Our nursery don't go with them to the toilet unless they ask for help. He also washes his hands without being reminded (and embarrassingly has on occasion reminded a stranger leaving a public toilet without washing). Ask nursery to remind him but you need to be getting him into the habit consistently, explain what happens with germs etc if he doesn't wash and then puts his hands in his mouth/eats etc.

Original poster
Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 18:57

Sorry I seem to have offended you! I just assumed someone went with kids to the toilet and if they needed help they gave it as my son always asks me to take him to the toilet. I have no idea how nursery works. Our old childminder was shocked and said it’s very young and she used to work at a nursery and it’s lazy of them but I don’t know the circumstances so I’ll check with nursery. Thanks for the input!

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 18:58

RewildingAmbridge · 28/04/2022 18:56

DS is the same age, and whilst I often still check he's done a good job, or give a second wipe it's rare there's anything there. Our nursery don't go with them to the toilet unless they ask for help. He also washes his hands without being reminded (and embarrassingly has on occasion reminded a stranger leaving a public toilet without washing). Ask nursery to remind him but you need to be getting him into the habit consistently, explain what happens with germs etc if he doesn't wash and then puts his hands in his mouth/eats etc.

I think he usually washes hands but he says they don’t have the facilities in the outside toilet in forest school so again I’ll check. We are very strict about hand washing at home.

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 28/04/2022 18:58

Bloody hell. 8 years old and asking his mum is not appropriate. (Unless he has SEND obviously)

Hellocatshome · 28/04/2022 18:59

Thanks so much for the input I think we will just encourage it at home I just thought it was too early! My nephew is 8 and asks his mum still!!

So you haven't actually taught him how to do it by himself?! No wonder he is struggling, nursery will have expected a potty trained child to be learning about wiping and had washing at home.

BrutusMcDogface · 28/04/2022 19:00

(Your nephew I mean)

Favouritefruits · 28/04/2022 19:00

I think it depends on the contract you have with the nursery, my sons nursery it states that unless there’s a medical reason children have to be fully toilet trained before they can start.

Original poster
Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 19:00

BrutusMcDogface · 28/04/2022 18:58

Bloody hell. 8 years old and asking his mum is not appropriate. (Unless he has SEND obviously)

No SEN at all! I did think it was odd!!

OP posts:
fUNNYfACE36 · 28/04/2022 19:02

Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 18:54

Thanks so much for the input I think we will just encourage it at home I just thought it was too early! My nephew is 8 and asks his mum still!!

I think by 3.5 hhey should be doing this for themselves. At 8, well, that is infantilising a child!

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