To expect nursery to wipe sons bottom

[Beautifulmonster87]

He’s 3.5 and definitely still needs help wiping his bottom! I watched him do it at home and it’s a wipe with a tissue and that’s it and he still has poo on his bum and his hands! Surely at 3.5 they should help him…

This. My DC were potty trained between 24-27 months but not a chance could they have wiped at this age due to poor coordination and simply not being able to reach round.
They were 3.5-4 before they were wiping independently (ready for school).

My nephew is 8 and asks his mum still!!

I'm gobsmacked. And really somewhat perturbed at that. And she does it?
I would actually be quite worried about him. It's really not normal for an eight year old to want an his mum to wipe him.

I work in a primary school with this age and we literally aren''t allowed to wipe the bums of the kids. We can hand them tissue and direct and tell them what to do but it's all hands off for staff.

That's literally not true. It might be your schools (very bad) policy but any person caring for a child is required to meet all of their needs, personal or otherwise.

Anyone who thinks they are not allowed to help a child in the bathroom when they need it should not be working with children.

Every single school or nursery I’ve ever worked in (so so many since I did agency work for two years) has hand washing has part of the structure of the day. Usually it’s story time/songs before lunch, then line up for hand washing before lunch time/snack time. I’ve never been at a nursery where the kids are encouraged just to sit down and not wash hands before eating. Not sure what schools you’ve been at that you’ve got the idea it’s the norm not to wash hands before eating in childcare settings.

@nokidshere I would be interested to hear from teachers themselves. I think you have missed the point if a school age child cannot wipe their own bum (no sen). That is not for the teacher to sort out. It's on the parent

I'm a Forest School Leader. There is no way your child does not have the opportunity to wash their hands while at FS. Of course, your child may not use the facilities available, but that is not the same as "no washing facilities on offer"

With covid there's hand washing and hand gel promoted still. DS teacher is there every morning and afternoon doing each child's hands. I can't believe OP is serious with this post.

@nokidshere I would be interested to hear from teachers themselves. I think you have missed the point if a school age child cannot wipe their own bum (no sen). That is not for the teacher to sort out. It's on the parent

I'm not questioning that parents need to be teaching their child to use the bathroom. But there are many reasons why a child in primary school might not be able to and many of them will not have a diagnosed condition. Even if their only problem is that the parents haven't taught them that doesn't mean you can dismiss those needs.

Caring for children means attending to all their needs. There is no not allowed rules. If you are in a job caring for children then you must meet all of those needs.

Children here start school at 3, I have 3 DC and from what I remember from they classes nearly all children starting school where able to manage wiping and washing themselves, the odd couple took few weeks/months into school, the School my children attended staff stand outside the toilet room whilst a child uses toilet and only goes in when the child asks for help, they will help put clothes back on but they don’t do no wiping they help the child do it by themselves but will help a child with sen if needed, of corse for that first year of school there are occasional accidents were wiping hasn’t been done completely but overall around here most three year olds can do it and do it pretty well. I’m also a child minder and have found the same most can wipe themselves, I get asked far more often to help children that age and older with pulling up/doing up/pulling down of clothe items they get them tangled in each other or have a difficult piece of clothing like tights dungarees play suit and buttons

@nokidshere where have you got this info from? Personally I would be a little shocked if DS 7 came home and said the teacher was in the actual cubicle with a child. It isn't really a caring role as such teaching that's bordering other fields. I know I knotted DS shirts too tight and the play scheme summer camp staff they are not allowed... to do it for him. I can see what your saying but is this actual policy at your school?

Because I've never heard of teachers Wiping bums tbh in primary.

Clearly not been near one post covid ... hands now get done on entering the building, before milk and snack, after milk and snack, before going to the playground, after being in the playground, before lunch, after lunch, after lunch play time, before any outdoor learning, after any outdoor learning, before lining up to go home and on several other occasions in between.

Fwiw I'm a TA in the infant classes and although have dealt with plenty accident and spiked underwear, I have never wiped a bum!

@Norush4 of course the playscheme staff could help loosen a too tight knot on shorts? Did they leave him unable to use the loo all day because he couldn't get them down? That's someone totally misunderstanding their responsibilities!

My child has gone to nursery since being a baby. I recall having similar problems. I spoke to the team leader who said they are not allowed to use the toilets on their own and someone will always be there to supervise and help. I'm not sure if that's a universal thing though. But she said it's probably because some are being a bit less thorough than others and it will be addressed with the team. The nursery assisted with helping them right up until leaving for reception.

I guess it's different for a private nursery with 2 year olds who are putty training. My experience is within school nurseries and school classes and I've never wiped a bum (however have changed nappies and wiped then - not often as most are toilet trained before starting)

This is a very unusual thread. Listening to a three year old and not even clarifying with staff what happens and the facilities and an eight year old boy with no sen asking his mother to wipe his arse.

@nokidshere
Primary school teacher here-we expect parents to have taught their child how to use the toilet and wipe themselves by the time they start school. It may be one adult in charge of 30 children- there's no way that we can leave the other 29 to go and help wipe a child's bottom.
IF the child has identified needs then they'd have a personal care plan-agreed with parents.
If they are asking for help- chances are that if they can (sometimes depends on where the toilets are, they're not always right in the classroom, they may have to walk across a corridor to get to them) the teacher or teaching assistant will give verbal instructions and encouragement-and talk to the parent/s about what they need to do at home to help their child be more independent.
It's a teacher's job to educate the children, not toilet train them and teach them to wipe themselves, that's the job of the parent.
Obviously if a child has an upset stomach or an accident then someone will help clean them up-even in those circumstances the adult may be handing the child wipes etc and giving them support to do the job (depending on the child and the situation)
A child due to start school should be able to use the toilet without adult support. to wipe their own bottom and wash their hands afterwards. The last bit may need some reminding!

Nothing odd about it. I asked opinions .. That is what mumsnet is for isn’t it? I wanted to know what people thought before I asked nursery as he isn’t in until next Monday.
yes my nephew probably an odd situation but his friend was over who also asks his mum too!

I'm sharing my experience was you there? Did my Son tell you?

My Son told me he was bursting and he manged to wiggle them down. I don't know the official rule on this tbh. However I can see how the staff feel uncomfortable to assist with his shirts. The staff definitely told him they are not allowed.

Shorts!*

@Norush4 I didn't suggest it didn't happen, I said the staff are very much mistaken if they think this is not allowed. I can't see in the slightest why someone might feel uncomfortable helping a small child with a pair of shirts especially one who is desperate for the toilet. I'd be very cross if that were my child. What would they have done if he hadn't managed to get them down? Left him all day in wet shorts as they aren't allowed to help him loosen them so he could change? I help dc at work with their trouser/shirts buttons every day.

In the preschool room children generally use the toilets independently. If they are newly out of nappies staff know those children will need more support for a while. Some children call for help after a poo and it is given or if parents make us aware their child is struggling to clean themselves.